EganMike 

member since 11/29/2011 | last login 11/21/2013

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Submissions by EganMike

Reviews by EganMike 4

  • A review of Blue Romance
    by EganMike on 12/08/2011
    Cool camera work. Loved the shaky camerawork when the girl was remembering the encounter. I wonder though...at the end, it seems she's only pummeling one of the girls. What happened to the other girl? Did one get away? I feel like it could've been ten times creepier if at the end, the other friend (the blonde one) was trying to stop her, you know? Like she was pleading with... read
  • A review of HAWAIIANSTEIN
    by EganMike on 12/08/2011
    Read the entire script in one sitting. First off, I thoroughly enjoyed the Sonny character. I was picturing The Dude (Jeff Bridges) from The Big Lebowski. Is that the image you were hoping to conjure up? He was smart, witty and incredibly flawed. But I liked him. Every he time he handed out his business card: "Here...in case your husband wants to have you followed." Gold... read
  • A review of Norm (V.3.)
    by EganMike on 12/02/2011
    If this ever got produced, I could totally see myself hating it the first time around, then loving it as I watched it over and over again. Do you know what I mean? (Take that as a compliment.) Sort of like with Napoleon Dynamite. I didnít get it and therefore didnít care for it the first time around. But then it started to grow on me. Like a fungus. Both Norm and Mort are... read
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Comments About EganMike 5

  • Jeff H on 12/17/2011

    EganMike wrote:
    Couple things though...you wanted Jack to call the cops about his runaway wife. And you wanted Parker to make sure Jack had already called it in. But why? At that point, there were no signs of foul play. In fact, the closets were cleaned out and her ring was left behind. To both Jack and Parker, it simply appeared that Johanna had just walked out on him.

    I guess the key factor for me was the fact that Jack said Johanna was pregnant. It's one thing if his wife simply runs off. It's another thing if she runs off with his unborn child (which raises an interesting question: would that be considered kidnapping?).
    EganMike wrote:
    Also...you were pretty critical of Parker's somewhat aloof investigative style. That was intentional. He was so preoccupied with finding Melissa, that the Johanna case didn't get the attention it deserved. Still, maybe I went too far there? Maybe I need to reel him in a little.

    Right now, it just feels like Parker is in two different stories that arenít really connected. In one story, heís a PI looking for Jackís wife, and in the other story, heís just a guy looking for his long lost love: two goals that have nothing to do with each other. Also, (and this is something I should've brought up in my review) what's at stake for Parker? If he doesn't find Johanna, then what? If he doesn't find, Melissa, then what?

    Parker's only goal should be to do the job he was hired for: find Johanna. His preoccupation with Melissa should be an obstacle in achieving that goal, not another goal itself. Parker should try to be the best PI he can be, but he can't help but be distracted by the memories of his old flame. His obsession with Melissa becomes his flaw.

    I actually think there's an opportunity here for another layer of conflict to be integrated into your story. Consider this: What if in Act 1, we learn that Parker is a little more down on his luck with his PI business? What if he hasnít had very many clients, and is desperate for work? What if he's so broke he can't even afford the engagement ring for Abby? Also, what if he was so heartbroken over Melissa that he vowed to never return to Nantucket. Now, when Parker gets the call from Jack, heís conflicted because he desperately needs the money, but in order to do the job, he has to return to Nantucket. He doesnít want to return, but doesnít really have any other choice. Once heís there, itís difficult for him to concentrate on the case because heís constantly reminded of Melissa.

    Iím not sure if any of that helps, but if you have any more questions, feel free to ask. Good luck!


  • Revale on 12/12/2011

    Count Libido wrote:
    No need to explain why you disagree with my comments. Everyone's got an opinion and you can't win everyone round. If my comments helped you one way or another, even compounding your belief in your script then it's all good.

    At the end of the day, if you believe your dialogue wasn't on the nose or that the flashbacks were too long then nothing will change that. I can easily ask you to name a film with such long flashback sequences or OTN dialogue but at the end of the day, it's not me that needs convincing.

    Good luck in your writing and remember, we're all here for feedback - be it good or bad.


    Hi Mike, I guess Count Libido can dish it out but he can't take it. I did a review of his submission and he immediately sent it to the Hall of Justice cause little Libido thought I was too rough on his fine masterpiece.
  • **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 12/11/2011

    No need to explain why you disagree with my comments. Everyone's got an opinion and you can't win everyone round. If my comments helped you one way or another, even compounding your belief in your script then it's all good.

    At the end of the day, if you believe your dialogue wasn't on the nose or that the flashbacks were too long then nothing will change that. I can easily ask you to name a film with such long flashback sequences or OTN dialogue but at the end of the day, it's not me that needs convincing.

    Good luck in your writing and remember, we're all here for feedback - be it good or bad.
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