Comments About KSisk90 17

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  asankagurusinghe on 03/25/2012

  Thanks for the very careful review, it was very gratifying and I made the correction. Probably young people from where the story is set would say the slang was difficult to understand because it was used wrong. I intended some of it to be intuitive but I suppose it was dense at times. My feeling is that a lot of people like Leanne use dense slang as a way of taking on an identity (everyone does to an extent)- hers as tough and untouchable.
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  vieira4 on 03/22/2012

  Hi. Thanks again for another review!
  
  When I said behind him, I think I meant in front of his back, which is like standing behind somebody. I'll tidy that up. When George said, 'Police probably Olympiakos fans', he missed out the 'are' because he doesn't speak English very well. I'll try and make that clearer too.
  
  Basically, Linda ends up going out with that Gabriel Olateju guy that she obsessed over from afar in happier times. Her friend Rebecca managed to tell him Linda's story, and he thought she was a great person and the rest, as they say, is history. I'm not sure about the ending, tbh. I wrote that story ages ago, and didn't upload immediately as I thought the ending was lame, but when I read it through again yesterday, it seemed better. Thanks again!
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  vieira4 on 03/18/2012

  Hi. Thanks so much for your kind review of, "He Arrived Home". Thanks for the corrections you did. Well done for working out that players' numbers were involved. As you can see, they've got silly. My mum wishes they still just wore one to eleven.
  
  I sorted out those errors you mentioned, so thanks. 'De riguer' means normal, the done thing. The groin injury part - I've never had one but I remember my friend at uni had one, and he was describing it to me. It only hurts when you make the ball-kicking motion. Thanks again!

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Comments About KSisk90 17

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  Quote

  asankagurusinghe on 03/25/2012

  Thanks for the very careful review, it was very gratifying and I made the correction. Probably young people from where the story is set would say the slang was difficult to understand because it was used wrong. I intended some of it to be intuitive but I suppose it was dense at times. My feeling is that a lot of people like Leanne use dense slang as a way of taking on an identity (everyone does to an extent)- hers as tough and untouchable.
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  vieira4 on 03/22/2012

  Hi. Thanks again for another review!
  
  When I said behind him, I think I meant in front of his back, which is like standing behind somebody. I'll tidy that up. When George said, 'Police probably Olympiakos fans', he missed out the 'are' because he doesn't speak English very well. I'll try and make that clearer too.
  
  Basically, Linda ends up going out with that Gabriel Olateju guy that she obsessed over from afar in happier times. Her friend Rebecca managed to tell him Linda's story, and he thought she was a great person and the rest, as they say, is history. I'm not sure about the ending, tbh. I wrote that story ages ago, and didn't upload immediately as I thought the ending was lame, but when I read it through again yesterday, it seemed better. Thanks again!
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  vieira4 on 03/18/2012

  Hi. Thanks so much for your kind review of, "He Arrived Home". Thanks for the corrections you did. Well done for working out that players' numbers were involved. As you can see, they've got silly. My mum wishes they still just wore one to eleven.
  
  I sorted out those errors you mentioned, so thanks. 'De riguer' means normal, the done thing. The groin injury part - I've never had one but I remember my friend at uni had one, and he was describing it to me. It only hurts when you make the ball-kicking motion. Thanks again!
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  vieira4 on 03/17/2012

  I did think that referring to him as 'Allen' really worked. It's interesting how everybody automatically thinks of Tyrone as a black name. (Do we blame Erykah Badu?) My choice of 'black character indicating' name - Isaiah!
  
  I think you can do thoughts in two ways. I use italics. If you use quotes, you'd probably have to write 'she thought', or 'she prayed silently' afterwards. Anyway, very good job.
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  Mazhar26 on 03/17/2012

  It is my pleasure reviewing your work. I thoroughly enjoyed reading the Grandma Ellie and the concept of the story is as good as it gets till the end. It is good to know that you have changed the ending describing the boyfriend's appearance which could describe the twist in a better way. Keep up the good work and keep writing.
  
  Peace out.
  MM.
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  gulfcoastomega on 03/17/2012

  Hey K,
  Thanks for taking the time to review my story. Thoughts much appreciated. Best regards!
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  vieira4 on 03/15/2012

  Oh no, I did it again... was stood/standing. I do that in every single piece :D
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  Schism83 on 03/14/2012

  For the grammar in your writing, Microsoft check is good for misspellings, fragments, and, sometimes, run-ons. The more intricate things, however, are easily overlooked by the system due to the lack of contextual understanding. (It's a computer, so...) If you wanted to get hardcore about it, consulting a textbook or guide would be ideal, but my biggest advice would be to stear clear of commas. You use a lot of them, so, if you cut down on their use and try and stick to periods, you'll have a better chance of getting it right. Then, as you go on, you'll be able to differentiate between the need for a period and a comma. Furthermore, semi-colons are rarely if ever used, so be weary of them. They can be little shits. Hope this doesn't sound like I'm preaching or something, but I'm a grammar tutor. It's the nature of the beast, I guess.
  
  As for your comments on 'Voodoo Chile', your interpretation is about right. I've had several different reactions, so, despite having a specific idea in mind, your interpretation is pretty much accurate. The man in the car's words are from a Jimi Hendrix song (title same as the story title), and the man is a representation of lust, infidelity, the wife's struggle with both feelings/concepts, and, consequently, her triumph over them. Not sure if it reads that way, but that was the idea. Regardless, thanks for the follow up read. Hope you liked it.
  
  If you ever want to talk about writing some time, give me a shout, and keep the pen moving! Peace out!
  
  JT
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  Schism83 on 03/13/2012

  Hello, hello. Got any comments on the theme(s) of 'Voodoo Chile'?
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  mmckean on 03/13/2012

  Thanks for the awesome comment, KSisk90!
  And thanks for adding me as a favorite, I appreciate the support. :)
  
  Happy writings,
  
  M.L.

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