Comments About alexherrin 15

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  betazeta1 on 03/05/2012

  Thanks for the review of Children of the Revolution.
  I think you make a number of valid points and I'll certainly be taking them into account when I begin the next draft. As for the dream, you're right, I always knew that was a problem and was expecting flak for that. Luckily I've now worked out a way to lose that element so the next draft should be much improved.
  Thanks again!
  
  Jim
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  vieira4 on 02/25/2012

  Thank you so much for your review of "13.45 (part 1). Glad you enjoyed it. I wasn't quite sure where to break up the chapters. I think I chose that spot in part 1 because the next thing that happens is on the next day. In the end, this is going to be one big piece with "How Do You Think Scott Feels?" and a story that I've only just started writing, so it will all flow a bit better, and be clearer, then.
  
  I don't know why, but almost all my stories on here are from the perspective of the opposite sex. I've never found it challenging to switch from one to the other. I guess that being such a football fan has led to a lot of time spent in a masculine environment. Thanks again for your positive and constructive review.
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  f-ceska on 02/24/2012

  Dear Alex,
  
  Thank you for taking the time to read and review 'The Gospel of Ryan'. To read a 30 page story that is not one's cup of tea can be daunting to say the least, and I am sorry that you didn't like it. However, I have been a little spoilt, as so far all the 'Gospel' stories have received only very positive reviews, so it's good to be reminded occasionally that one can't please everyone all the time.
  
  Nevertheless, please allow me to come back to a couple of points:
  'sad tears' & 'ravenously hungry' - Deliberate word choices. Perhaps in basic beginners writing class they do teach you to avoid compounds such as this, but it is permissable to break these rules if you feel it can add poetic emphasis or help the meter of the sentence. Not all prose has to be prosaic, or restricted.
  
  Basically the story is written by a much older Ryan looking back on his past, because it is a 'Gospel' and this is how gospels are usually written. The biblical gospels were written many years after Christ's death, after all. It fits in with the theme of the entire set of gospels I am writing, which in full will make up the novel: 'The Gospels of Eibhlin'. There isn't meant to be urgency to it, or 'excitement' in the 'terminator' sense that you mean. Not everything has to conform to the Hollywood rule book, as you yourself say in your bio notes.
  
  "She was short, but pretty." I think you are reading too much into this line. I have nothing against people who are 'vertically challenged'. The narrator is making a double observation, that's all.
  
  'Penis' - as pointed out, this is a much older Ryan talking about his past. In his maturity I believe he would be more likely to use the word 'penis' than some other 'witty metaphor'. But who is to know how an Irish man would speak around sixty, seventy years from now? I'm sure he wouldn't speak like James Bond, or a Texan 'guy' from the year 2012 on the other hand. I'll be in Dublin next week. Maybe I'll pick out some old guy supping his pint of Guinness and ask him.
  
  Thank you for the positive comments regarding the 'sex scene', which is actually one continuous sentence, an experiement for me. I'm glad it worked.
  
  The topics of post apocalyptic Ireland may appear cliched, but then, so are the 'robots' and 'advanced science' cliches (Hollywood's favourites) of the future age. I fear the voice you cannot hear may be what so often causes European or British writing to be so frequently misunderstood in the USA. People who read, or watch movies, beyond the confining restrictions of that zone, often understand and can relate to, a whole lot more. It would be a sorry world indeed if all writing (whether screenplays or stories), constrained itself to one ideal, one time or one place.
  
  Thanks again for your comments none the less, and good luck with your work.
  
  Francesca

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Comments About alexherrin 15

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  Quote

  betazeta1 on 03/05/2012

  Thanks for the review of Children of the Revolution.
  I think you make a number of valid points and I'll certainly be taking them into account when I begin the next draft. As for the dream, you're right, I always knew that was a problem and was expecting flak for that. Luckily I've now worked out a way to lose that element so the next draft should be much improved.
  Thanks again!
  
  Jim
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  Quote

  vieira4 on 02/25/2012

  Thank you so much for your review of "13.45 (part 1). Glad you enjoyed it. I wasn't quite sure where to break up the chapters. I think I chose that spot in part 1 because the next thing that happens is on the next day. In the end, this is going to be one big piece with "How Do You Think Scott Feels?" and a story that I've only just started writing, so it will all flow a bit better, and be clearer, then.
  
  I don't know why, but almost all my stories on here are from the perspective of the opposite sex. I've never found it challenging to switch from one to the other. I guess that being such a football fan has led to a lot of time spent in a masculine environment. Thanks again for your positive and constructive review.
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  Quote

  f-ceska on 02/24/2012

  Dear Alex,
  
  Thank you for taking the time to read and review 'The Gospel of Ryan'. To read a 30 page story that is not one's cup of tea can be daunting to say the least, and I am sorry that you didn't like it. However, I have been a little spoilt, as so far all the 'Gospel' stories have received only very positive reviews, so it's good to be reminded occasionally that one can't please everyone all the time.
  
  Nevertheless, please allow me to come back to a couple of points:
  'sad tears' & 'ravenously hungry' - Deliberate word choices. Perhaps in basic beginners writing class they do teach you to avoid compounds such as this, but it is permissable to break these rules if you feel it can add poetic emphasis or help the meter of the sentence. Not all prose has to be prosaic, or restricted.
  
  Basically the story is written by a much older Ryan looking back on his past, because it is a 'Gospel' and this is how gospels are usually written. The biblical gospels were written many years after Christ's death, after all. It fits in with the theme of the entire set of gospels I am writing, which in full will make up the novel: 'The Gospels of Eibhlin'. There isn't meant to be urgency to it, or 'excitement' in the 'terminator' sense that you mean. Not everything has to conform to the Hollywood rule book, as you yourself say in your bio notes.
  
  "She was short, but pretty." I think you are reading too much into this line. I have nothing against people who are 'vertically challenged'. The narrator is making a double observation, that's all.
  
  'Penis' - as pointed out, this is a much older Ryan talking about his past. In his maturity I believe he would be more likely to use the word 'penis' than some other 'witty metaphor'. But who is to know how an Irish man would speak around sixty, seventy years from now? I'm sure he wouldn't speak like James Bond, or a Texan 'guy' from the year 2012 on the other hand. I'll be in Dublin next week. Maybe I'll pick out some old guy supping his pint of Guinness and ask him.
  
  Thank you for the positive comments regarding the 'sex scene', which is actually one continuous sentence, an experiement for me. I'm glad it worked.
  
  The topics of post apocalyptic Ireland may appear cliched, but then, so are the 'robots' and 'advanced science' cliches (Hollywood's favourites) of the future age. I fear the voice you cannot hear may be what so often causes European or British writing to be so frequently misunderstood in the USA. People who read, or watch movies, beyond the confining restrictions of that zone, often understand and can relate to, a whole lot more. It would be a sorry world indeed if all writing (whether screenplays or stories), constrained itself to one ideal, one time or one place.
  
  Thanks again for your comments none the less, and good luck with your work.
  
  Francesca
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  vieira4 on 02/21/2012

  Hi. Thanks so much for your review of "In The Other Universe". You're right, I was just messing here - had a funny idea at work, and thought I would run with it.
  
  I think the trouble with this story is that I wrote it with quite a specific audience in mind. Do you know the website Kickette? This is basically Kickette-speak, although my friend and I have been emailing similarly since before Kickette was invented. Thank you for being nice about my efforts!
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  Russell Corey on 02/11/2012

  Thanks for the review of Boss of Me. Your positive comments made my day.
  
  Russ
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  Cobb05 on 02/09/2012

  One thing that I thought of is to maybe pump up the party. You see a lot in montages. So that's one way to add some funny characters and bits.
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  Michael Price on 02/07/2012

  Hey Man thanks for pushing through the overwriting and everything else you didn't like to make it to the end of The Activity. I really appreciate your frank and honest review, everything you said was very helpful.
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  DebraSwan on 01/09/2012

  alexherrin wrote:

  Debra, thanks a bunch for your review of "Lucidity". Your feedback was useful, honest, and constructive, aka the three most important qualities of good feedback. I will use a lot what you said when doing my rewrite.
  Alex

  
  
  Your welcome. Let me know when you upload your rewrite.
  
  Cheers,
  Debra
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  CrabbyLady on 12/20/2011

  You are quite welcome. Best of luck to you!
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  iamalsoknownas on 12/20/2011

  Hey Alex,
  
  No problem. I was glad to read Lucidity. We are all learning. The books I suggested are just a couple out there. I like Save The Cat structure, but it may not be for you. There are many beat sheets and structure systems out there. Try a few until you find one you like. When you get really good ( I have not yet) you can even break the rules and tell a story like Memento or Pulp Fiction which do break the rules and do it very well. It is just my experience that until you are known, people in contests and the industry want firmly structured, formatted screenplays. Anyway, thanks for posting your screenplay and letting others read it. You are already braver than those who never tell anyone they write or let anyone read their stuff, so keep it up. A writer writes...always.

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