Butterly & Segal

American task

A review of American Mask

by Butterly & Segal on 12/07/2007

American Mask Review I have to say that I really enjoyed reading this script, the pace was spot on and the writing very engaging. The major problem is that the main premise of the story is wholly unbelievable, Illegal Mexican immigrants turned suicide bombers overnight just so they can contribute more money back home. The main character Alberto is very well written and a... American Mask Review

I have to say that I really enjoyed reading this script, the pace was spot on and the writing very engaging. The major problem is that the main premise of the story is wholly unbelievable, Illegal Mexican immigrants turned suicide bombers overnight just so they can contribute more money back home.

The main character Alberto is very well written and a likeable character. We follow Alberto and his brother Nano as they try and make some money to pay for their mother’s hip operation back in Mexico. Not sure why Alberto is able to work as a day laborer and Nano isn’t and why Nano states later that he has been trying to get a job but we see no evidence of this – this could add some weight to what he eventually does. After they argue about money we see Alberto in the bar stating he doesn’t have money to drink but spending it all anyway? It just doesn’t ring true, what are you trying to say about Alberto here? Is it that he needs Dutch courage to talk to love interest Carolina or does he not care about his mother, unlike Nano?

The back story of GDS selling the plant to China is interesting and the cuts between different sequences are well planned and spaced. In order to show how intimidating a character Max is I would have him kill Rosa for refusing to go along with the suicide mission rather than let her blow herself up. Highlight Nano’s desperation more and then maybe the suicide bombings could be convincing. Carolina’s marriage is a shock but I don’t think it adds to the story.

The other surprise is that Johnson is the man behind the bombings! As it stands I think the character in the script is too reasonable and rational to believe this possible. We need to see more of a threatening side to him in order for this to ring true, I know it’s a twist but it seems too far to stretch as the script currently stands. Not entirely convinced by the ending as a whole but you have really got an understanding for action and for handling multiple ideas throughout the script. read

A professionally crafted script, but.

A review of Winter of the Wolf

by Butterly & Segal on 12/07/2007

Winter of the Wolf Review This is a very professionally crafted script. The scenes are very well defined and provide the necessary environments to keep the story moving and to set the background for this werewolf horror. I enjoyed reading this but never felt completely drawn into the story. Peter’s character is engaging and well rounded the scenes where he changes into the... read

visually exciting. However...

A review of Recyclable

by Butterly & Segal on 10/30/2007

I just have to say it again and again. The thing that we look for in any type of story... is. Who is the central character, what do they want and who is stopping them from getting it. This is a well-cut short that is visually exciting. However the filmmaker’s story telling capabilities has left this short in a confused state. Dialogue could be used to enhance this piece... read

Bloody lips should speak less

A review of Like Bloody Lips

by Butterly & Segal on 10/30/2007

Just for a moment the spoken words of Elmer Lang caught me. I listened and the performance held its time slot. Then unfortunately the words and performance missed its beat and grated on me. The repetitive dialogue and visuals went on for too long. Its often the way with short film, what is a 10 minute short could be a 4/5 min short. In this case the filmmaker may fair better... read

Kisses misses

A review of Kisses, Mitzi

by Butterly & Segal on 10/30/2007

The main thing that we look for in any type of story... is. Who is the central character, what do they want and who is stopping them from getting it. The central character is the woman. She wants to kill her dog for crapping on the carpet and the used salesman are the ones who get in the way. This short doesn’t perform well either visually or on the initial concept… and the... read

Run away romance

A review of I Chanced Upon a Faun

by Butterly & Segal on 10/26/2007

Script Report: I chanced upon a faun By Butterly & Segal Set in 1788 in England. This run away romance is a story of magic and mystery, where Elizabeth Wentworth encounters a mystical creature faun called Beryl. Elizabeth and Beryl conceive and – for a time – live together and as proof of their union conceive a child called George Byron. Straight out of the Hans... read

The strength of this story is in the writing

A review of Redemption Center

by Butterly & Segal on 10/24/2007

Script Report: The Redemption Centre By Butterly & Segal By Joshua James The story starts with basic descriptive work that sets the scene very well, small town America, parade of stores etc Jimmy narrates the story told from a first person perspective that really gives no clue as to what is to follow. Jimmy is describing Paul as a suspicious character who seems to... Script Report: The Redemption Centre
By Butterly & Segal By Joshua James

The story starts with basic descriptive work that sets the scene very well, small town America, parade of stores etc Jimmy narrates the story told from a first person perspective that really gives no clue as to what is to follow. Jimmy is describing Paul as a suspicious character who seems to be checking out the security van deliveries to his store. The other characters that work with Jimmy are Conrad and Bunny, two security guards and Flu his assistant. These are all unfortunate characters that are described in such a way that they elevate your trust in Jimmy and his abilities.

The author has very cleverly used this style of writing to generate a perception within the reader that Jimmy is a competent, trustworthy, down to earth fellow. Paul on the other hand is described in ways that make him seem suspicious and the likely villain. The use of his flashy watch as ways of making him stand out from others is also a way of presenting him as flash in a distasteful way. The story is based on Jimmy viewing Paul to see what he is up to? Until Paul and Jimmy meet in the diner we are not even aware of their names, from the point they start talking the dialogue presents us with the idea that Jimmy is good and Paul is bad, Jimmy is honest, Paul is going to cause some trouble. When Jimmy plays his hand with the Mickie Mantle baseball card and Paul bites we can sense the story coming to itís conclusion. Only when Jimmy announces that he doesnít have the Mickie Mantle card does one have the feeling that they might have got the thrust of the story wrong especially with the words ëBut youíre gonna have to keep it to yourself, canít tell no one, promise?í Up to the end one has no idea that Jimmy is child kidnapping/ murdering Christian fundamentalist involved in some grand lunacy with the aid of his idiot co-workers for some greater god. The strength of this story is in the writing; very natural and incredibly well paced even without the twist in the end the story was a great read. The twist though not subtle really sets this apart and although it may not be tenable it adds so much. read

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Submissions by Butterly & Segal

Reviews by Butterly & Segal 10

Comments About Butterly & Segal 5

Joshua James on 01/25/2008

Butterly & Segal on 12/09/2007

jungleg on 12/08/2007

Butterly & Segal on 10/26/2007

Joshua James on 10/24/2007

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