Calbear 

member since 02/23/2009 | last login 03/04/2013

Novice screenwriter. I'm really a mental health professional. But I hope to make writing a lucrative second career....

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Novice screenwriter. I'm really a mental health professional. But I hope to make writing a lucrative second career.

Submissions by Calbear

Reviews by Calbear 46

  • A review of The Humane Facade
    by Calbear on 09/24/2010
    I was very pleased to find a SOM nom dropped into my assignment basket. Yay! And after reading it I think you’re going to give the other SPs a run for their money! Notes: P 1: I’m sure you’ve already been told this, but try to avoid camera directions as much as possible. Directors don’t like a screenwriter telling them how to shoot their movie. Use them only for special dramatic... read
  • A review of A Bonny Pirate
    by Calbear on 09/20/2010
    Avast me Heartie! ‘Tis a pleasure to get the opportunity to review a fellow Anne Bonny writer’s work. So let us sally forth… P 12: I know this isn’t historically accurate, but matches didn’t exist in Anne’s time. And also Anne’s mother, Mary Cormac (most likely Mary and not Peg), was dead by the time Anne was 13. I will say your format is excellent. And I do like the way... read
  • A review of Anthem
    by Calbear on 08/29/2010
    Notes: P 15: “Damn Unions.” LOL! So far this is very familiar. 1984. Brazil. THX-1138. A dystopian collectivist society with a disgruntled protag. Unless this is going somewhere different I’d think this would be a tough sell. P 16: I like the imagery. Comparing tunics to seagulls, flinging seeds to throwing scornful gifts at a beggar. Very well done! P 26: Nobody has seen... read
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Comments About Calbear 51

  • Cenydd Ros on 01/08/2011

    A good opening scene to define Anne might be to have the first 3 or 4 pages giving a scene where she, as an adult, intervenes in an act of injustice being dealt by the "authorities: - then she slips away, without being recognized for who she is. Stopping or interfering with soldiers, or freeing a slave or something of the nature which shows her contempt for the establishment, her ruffian nature, and her bravery.

    Just a thought. This might also provide a good action sequence to start your script and pull viewers in, and endear Anne to us right off as the hero.
  • Cenydd Ros on 01/08/2011

    I have a personal aversion to flashbacks. One way you could tell of her childhood and Tom boy tendencies would be in dialogue with her husband John.
  • blue439 on 12/03/2010

    Re: re·act   
    [ree-akt]
    –verb (used without object) to act in response to an agent or influence.

    But couldn't you make that argument for just about every protag? Luke Skywalker was only reacting to the deaths of his aunt and uncle and the droids falling into his hands. He didn't set out to join the rebellion.

    Luke's NEED is present long before his parents die. He's clearly chafing on the farm -- he doesn't want to be there. Their deaths only free him to fulfill his destiny. He's meant for bigger things and he knows it. What he's meant to do isn't clear to him but it's not dirt farming. If he was perfectly content on the farm and then because of his parents' deaths decided to join Obi-Wan and Han Solo for the adventure and then later, hey, for the fun of it decides to join the rebellion then he would be passive. But we're constantly told he is special from the beginning.

    Brody is a settler. Someone who avoids complications. He leaves the big city for a small town gig. His wife babies him. The mayor bullies him. He smooths things over, tries to avoid confrontation. Tries to compromise. Only his compromising behavior has consequences. Mrs. Kintner calls Brody on it when her son dies which could have been avoided had Brody not compromised and stood up for what he believed. Later his own son is threatened. Brody has to face the monster to prove himself, to not compromise. Quint's not enthusiastic about Brody coming. Brody has to go to prove something to himself, despite his fears and inadequacies, which makes him so likable as a character.

    If we're told from the beginning Anne Bonny chafes from a society that makes her second class because of her sex and wants to go somewhere where she can earn the right to be respected as any man, then she would be more active. She wants to get somewhere where she's treated equal. If it means being a pirate then she'll embrace being a pirate.

    You have to set up the character's emotional need from the beginning and they must go after it. It's an EMOTIONAL thing, not plot point A leads to plot point B, etc. What does the character want? This has to be settled before the script is written. You have to have the emotional glue to hold together all the things the character does, and their actions have to be consistent with their want. Maybe it's there, but no clear enough, but I think Anne Bonny the character needs more emotional glue.
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