davidmcewing

A review of Got to Get Back

by davidmcewing on 05/27/2011

Good script with plenty of action. Realistic characters and smooth dialog, however... First off, you should delete all the camera directions - focus, zoom, pan. Leave all this to the director and just write the story. Page 12 - How does the movie viewer know that Starburst is missing something? You have to show it somehow with dialog or action. Page 38 - 'Bubba pats his... read

Bridge over Troubled Waters

A review of The Current (Version 2)

by davidmcewing on 04/25/2011

I found this script to be well written with good exposition. The characters were defined, although there was too many considering the depth of the story. The dialog flowed naturally and formatting seemed correct. I think Colonel Cleveland's dialog was a bit long winded. Just remember that the actor has to memorize these lines. Page 80 - You need to eliminate the needless and... read

Sainthood For Tinsel?

A review of Coma Girl

by davidmcewing on 04/05/2011

This is a unique and intriguing script. Your exposition is good, but you write like a novelist instead of a screenwriter. We're all guilty of this at times. It's a hard habit to break. Your characters are realistic and the dialog flows right along. I couldn't find too much wrong, except that you could use half as many characters. Page 4 - The rewind concept is interesting,... read

Where there's a will...

A review of Tree Swing

by davidmcewing on 02/16/2011

This is one of the best, well-writen, scripts that I've read in a long time. I'd be very surprised if it didn't make Screenplay of the Month. The characters were realistic and the dialog was smooth and interactive. The story moved along briskly and held my interest right from the start. It has an excellent opening scene with a good hook. I have the following comments to make... read

Raw Revenge

A review of Swoop & Squat

by davidmcewing on 02/04/2011

This script starts off a little slowly, but soon gains momemtum by page 3. The story concept is good, but the writing style needs improvement. To begin with, throughout the script, the sentences are double-spaced too much. Page 24 - The sentences are too mechanical - 'He pulls,' 'He replaces,' 'He glances.' Why not combine the sentences, such as - 'He pulls a gun and spare... read

Ground Hog Day on LSD?

A review of DREAMALITY

by davidmcewing on 12/20/2010

This story has a lot of Deji Vu scenes with flashbacks, and has to be read carefully. The characters are very interesting and realistic, and the dialog, albeit lengthy, flows naturally back and forth. I have a few comments to make - Once you have introduced Drake, you don't need to capitalize his name again and again. I wouldn't use 'Cut to,' or all the 'Fade in,' 'Fade out'... read

Finally, a screenplay with a message.

A review of EIBHLIN

by davidmcewing on 12/13/2010

Respect for the Earth and live by the laws of nature? Come on, Francesca. what would happen to big corporate profits? This story reminds me a little of Taylor Caldwell's - The Devil's Advocate. You write well, and your grammar is near perfect. You might want to consider writing a novel. However, if you're planing on marketing this SP, you'll have to cut back on some of the... read

Visions and Nightmares and Evil, oh my!

A review of Echoes

by davidmcewing on 12/06/2010

Wow, what an intriguing and scarey script. It was well formatted and easy to read. The dialog was natural flowed right along. You were very discriptive with your scenes and characters. They seemed realistic and lifelike, also death-like. I think the most interesting was the Trench Coat Man. He had the best lines. I couldn't find too much wrong with this script, except the following-... read

Great Script with Great Comback

A review of Heart of Gold

by davidmcewing on 11/04/2010

It's a real pleasure to read a well-written script like this one. It grabbed me and held my interest right to the end. This SP is headed for SOM and on to the silver screen. Great job. I couldn't find any real fault with the storyline or its presentation. The characters are realistic and the dialog natural. The tention between Jenna and her father was convincing. I could feel... read

Script for all you Doggs, Yo.

A review of CHRISSES II

by davidmcewing on 10/28/2010

My comments are intended to help you with your writing and not to insult you. For the most part you're a good writer, however the script lacks momentum and falls short on continuity. Most of the characters have no real arc. I think you should have used proper names, instead of CC, SC, RC, JC, or RC's father. Using initials only make for a harder read and cause unnecessary confusion... read

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