member since 05/22/2008 | last login 08/20/2014

Steadily picking up right notes for the concert....


Steadily picking up right notes for the concert.

Submissions by Deva

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Reviews by Deva 51

  • by Deva on 12/03/2013
    Page 01 -- Jason, Krista and Keno are not introduced. Page 03 -- '...stands up on her back legs...' -- I think those are 'hind legs' not 'back legs'. Page 06 -- 'They kiss immaculately...' -- What is immaculate kissing? Is it 'passionately'? PAge 07 -- 'AUDIENCE DOES NOT SEE ANY NUDITY FROM KRISTA.' -- This camera direction or Director's choice is not needed in... read
  • A review of Outer-er
    by Deva on 11/30/2013
    My findings are as follows: Page 01 -- '... NOT BE PERFORMED BYLESSER MEN.' -- I think '... LESSER MORTALS' would sound good. Page 05 -- 'CALVIN (CONT'D) ...but not Ultra UV rays.' UV stands for Ultraviolet. Ultra UV rays are not present. Check it. Page 18 -- 'CALVIN Also, her mother was a Mongolian fire juggler.' Inappropriate Exposition. Page 72 -- 'They aliens... read
  • A review of Ma Dame
    by Deva on 11/18/2013
    My findings in the script are as follows: Page 01 Opening scene -- Not visually enticing. The author does have inclination towards prose or novelistic way of telling stories. But a screenplay is all about showing rather than telling it. Here brevity inches above the novelistic way of telling stories. Try to decrease the number of words and lines. Keep the action lines... read
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Comments About Deva 68

  • johnnyb2124 on 11/09/2013

    Thanks Deva and that is a great way to look at screenwriting, always trying to learn and get better!
  • johnnyb2124 on 11/08/2013

    Hey Deva, thanks for the review of Evil Deeds. It was my first script I wrote 3 years ago and have completed 5 scripts since then. I just thought I'd be brave and send it to the wolves so I could get some notes as I was considering a rewrite of it. I'm glad you liked the longline and little bits of it=) Anyway if you ever get assigned one of my other scripts I'd love a read as I know I'm infinitely better now than I was when trudging through my first script.
  • joshmatt on 09/29/2013

    Thanks very much for your review of "Heroes Never Die", good notes.
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