dokodaddy

member since 11/15/2002 | last login 11/28/2009

Bio

Screenwriter based out of Fort Worth, TEXAS. Currently hired to write a full length titled WINGMAN slated for production next spring. My last script WOPS (which got awful reviews here) is slated for production in October with a budget below $5ook. I am pitching another screenplay BUTTONMAN @ a hitman for hire who gets turned on by his handlers after the Don finds out the handlers have been skimming from the top. I am also an average person that just loves to make movies. I will do whatever it takes to get the film done from line producing to getting coffee. THE ACT OF FILMMAKING IS MY LIFE.. I LOVE IT. AND IT ALL STARTS WITH US...THE WRITERS... I cant wait to make many friends here. Take care and drop me line or send me a script direct and we can critique each other. dokodaddy@hotmail.com

Submissions by dokodaddy

WOPS

a screenplay by dokodaddy

Genres: comedy, crime, documentary

ITS "COPS", BUT FROM A CRIMINALS POINT OF VIEW. A "MOCKUMENTARY" FOLLOWING THREE LOW LEVEL MAFIOSO WHO THINK THEY... more

Reviews by dokodaddy 6

Movie of The Week

A review of Blind Faith

by dokodaddy on 11/29/2008

Structurally, the script is solid. I did like the synopsis. Real catchy. The whole time reading this, though, I kept picturing myself seeing this on the Hallmark Channel or Lifetime as the MOTW. The story itself is original with a nice play on peoples often zealous beliefs and willingness to fill a void in their life that they will believe in a Bleeding Jesus. The STAN character... read

Very Lacking.

A review of The Lowest Life

by dokodaddy on 05/04/2008

I am amiss as to whether this was supposed to be a comedy or a dark comedy. The lead character, Harlan, came across, not as brash, but as very unlikeable in every sense. I think the author was trying to go for a Stifler type character from AMERICAN PIE but really missed the boat and made Harlan a total and complete Prick. The dialogue was very unbelievable especially between... I am amiss as to whether this was supposed to be a comedy or a dark comedy. The lead character, Harlan, came across, not as brash, but as very unlikeable in every sense. I think the author was trying to go for a Stifler type character from AMERICAN PIE but really missed the boat and made Harlan a total and complete Prick.

The dialogue was very unbelievable especially between father and son and the lack of any respect that should be shown or some defference towards the father. I felt that the author was trying to go for a shock factor, but it just wasn't working. Hal shows no respect for anyone or anything. Leave it that he is brash, I mean I know A-holes that have some decency, at least in public.

Another thing. If you are going to write a porn, write one. Or a BBW fetish and go for that target market. I had trouble believing that Hal scored with three women in one day. No matter how low you set your standards. Unless they are indeed prostitutes. I could see this film as a porn.

I also felt that the Harlan character is who the author desperately wants to be in real life. Act like an A-hole with no real consequences. I know you're supposed to suspend reality in the movies, but this was too much.

The ending did nothing for me to like Harlan any more. There was no real "change" to him. I got the feeling that he got spurned by Cat today and now he is trying to turn a new leaf, but tomorrow he will be a prick again.

The writing style was nothing too extaordinary. There was no voice. If the author was trying to get a reaction, he succeeded, because I was really happy when Goodwin beat Harlans ass.

Overall, this screenplay, I feel needs to tone down the sex and give Harlan some sort of empathy towards people. Also, You might want to put in more of the psychological impact his mother's leaving had on him then maybe the audience will understand more why Harlan is so cold and brash and why his relationship with his father is so stale and cold, and his attitude in general stinks.

The scene with Bobby answered some questions but not enough to make you like Harlan. Maybe have some pictures of the mom or something just to "humanize" Harlan.

The script is not bad, it just needs to be worked and some things need to be explained more and the gratuitous sex needs to be omitted. Imply that he is having a romp. A few more reworks and I feel you will have a stellar script.

Keep up the good work.

Tek read

This one's no FOOL.

A review of Time's Fool

by dokodaddy on 04/19/2008

First of, this script, I feel, has nothing more to add to make it better. The characters are all relatable. I know a Michael and a jeremy. THe writing is excellent. THe dialogue between the brothers comes out as spontaneous, very to the moment and situation. The Elsie character you cannot help NOT feel bad for her in her mental state once you find out what happened to her boys... read

Comments About dokodaddy 2

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Harf on 01/19/2009

Thanks for reading, reviewing and understanding the death beneficiary. Goodluck with WOPS.
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Gammon on 04/19/2008

Thanks for the feedback on Time's Fool. Much appreciated.

TriggerStreet

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Bio

Submissions by dokodaddy

Reviews by dokodaddy 6

Comments About dokodaddy 2

Harf on 01/19/2009

Gammon on 04/19/2008

Write a Comment

Submissions by dokodaddy

Reviews by dokodaddy 6

Comments About dokodaddy 2

Harf on 01/19/2009

Gammon on 04/19/2008

Write a Comment

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