hialtitudeman

Mysterious

A review of Pieces

by hialtitudeman on 01/20/2008

Overall, I think the film is well done. The editing is awesome and so is sound design. I think there is an obvious bigger story behind this that the short film could not treat. Unanswered questions include, who is this woman, what is this puzzle and the shadow. Why is she being targetted. I could see this story expanding into a bigger horror film. But on a purely technica... read

Needs more work

A review of Gringo Incaigo

by hialtitudeman on 01/18/2008

I read on your bio that this was your first feature length screenplay. First off. Congratulations. That in itself is a real accomplishment by any standards. Very few have the courage or tenacity to go through this. As far as a screenplay goes, it has many issues. I'll point out as many as I can in general terms. I think as you continue to write, you will look back on this... I read on your bio that this was your first feature length screenplay.

First off. Congratulations. That in itself is a real accomplishment by any standards. Very few have the courage or tenacity to go through this.

As far as a screenplay goes, it has many issues. I'll point out as many as I can in general terms. I think as you continue to write, you will look back on this screenplay and wonder at how much better you are getting.

First off. It is very difficult to read. There are numerous spelling errors. Too many to mention really. Usually one here and there is no big deal, but the script is spelling nightmare. To the point, I am not sure if your first language is English. So, I don't want to be too hard, but you'll never get anywhere as a screenwriter if you can't get over spelling.

Your action is written too general at times, too detailed in other places. THis can be fixed by reading some of the great scripts by accomplished writers. There are several sites that will allow you to download them, but my main thought is you are not truly visualizing the scene, the blocking or have a full understanding of writing for the screen. Don't sweat. This takes time to develop. It took me 6 years and I am still learning to improve on that.

STory. I am not sure what this story is about. I didn't know what he was really after or why this Ricardo character running out on him should have any importance to him. In other words, there are no discernable stakes in play. What does he really get out of it in the end. What is he really after?

Story telling is a lot about setup and payoff. I don't sense much setups along the way. It feels like some normal Joe going home, told he's a Shaman, tries it, patient runs out and he decides to track him down and does, in the meantime he meets a woman. That is your story. But, nothing more really comes out of it than that. What did he learn? What was his life missing in the first place. There are a lot of dramatic points that need to be developed before he emabark on this journey towards shamanhood.

I got to say, the premise intrigued me because I just finished a short film that involves a Shaman, so, I was really intrigued to see what another writer would do with that character. BUt, I feel you barely touched the surface.

But once again, we've all been there. The first script is the toughest and in 5 years you will look back on these drafts and be amazed at how much better you can be.

Best of luck,
raphael

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Great Read

A review of NANOG(2)

by hialtitudeman on 01/15/2008

REally enjoyable read. A script to be proud of. I like the concept, futuristic world that was created. Always a fan of these kinds of films. I thought nothing was overdone, over dramatic and for the most part, believable. I enjoyed some of the dramatic questions that were created by the premise of the story. the other interesting aspect were the characters that were lining... read

Well done

A review of Mental Crimes - Revised

by hialtitudeman on 12/03/2007

I thought this film was well executed. There is always room for another story about forgiveness and this one does it with a bit of a Christmas Carol twist. Nice. I thought the acting was solid although i thought that the main character could have delivered the lines a little better. I didn't feel the acting. I thought the ending could have been stronger if less was said.... read

Edgy?

A review of Chip It In

by hialtitudeman on 12/03/2007

There are two general categories of films. those that one can understand and come away satisfied, and those that don't. This one falls under the latter. I am first to admit I simply don't understand this piece. Though there was some level of wit, some level of insight. But these for the most part were low levels. Is it a parody of sort? A white guy standing up for the grammatical... read

Raunchy stuff

A review of Worst Case Scenario: Love

by hialtitudeman on 11/29/2007

I thought the screenplay had some good things and some things that turned me way off. First the good. I thought there was some funny laugh out loud moments. I thought the basic story idea works on levels as do many romances. I found a human side to the story that was good. Especially the last 20 pages. The characters started to feel more real. On the other, i found the language... read

cute

A review of Love: The Movie

by hialtitudeman on 11/24/2007

I found this film endearing and cute. I thought the pacing was superb and kept my interest throughout. This was well rounded story that was bundled up in a unique little package The actors gave solid performances all around. I think the film somehow found a way to follow its own advice. Good job.

Easy read

A review of Jack and Danny

by hialtitudeman on 10/15/2003

The story flowed well, the characters were fairly consistent and the objectives were clear. Very Disney. Kids would enjoy this. I tink it's entertainment value and doesn't push any boundaries. I would pay attention to script writing rules with capitalizing your characters. There are some rules to that if not mistaken. It got slow at some points, but, flowed well in general... read

Arnie the hero

A review of finding dusseldorf

by hialtitudeman on 07/15/2003

I agree with many of the other critiques that the first 20 or so pages set a good tempo to the story. Arnie appears as sympathetic as any character I have seen and could easily attract my fanfare. But, as the story got further along, the only question I really has was where was the story going. I had no idea. Too many things were hidden without understanding what the journey... read

could go deeper

A review of The Arithmetic of Memory

by hialtitudeman on 06/08/2003

nopun intended as at times i felt like i was reading something i would see in a soft porn flic. I found the protagonist a little unbelievable. A porn producer with a soft side. Although, with some development, can be achieved and then you've got the potential to build a hero character. I found his wife's character very dislikeable. I think if that was the goal you've acheived... read

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