jokermik

Clinical

A review of 3 - 6

by jokermik on 03/02/2005

I like how quickly you got to your inciting incident/setup. This is how it's supposed to be done. I would take a hard look at some of your dialog. Just two examples of dialog that were kind of cockeyed: "you blacked out, so to speak" and "this quote unquote blackout". Who the heck talks like that, especially doctors? Pare it to the bone. The watch throwing and smashing got... read

Toxic

A review of The Toxic Twins of Hazard Hollow

by jokermik on 02/27/2005

You have a good way with words, but there is a huge hole in setup and structure. Unless you have these two you ladies running around naked for the first twenty minutes you really have to get to the point, the setup. It takes much too long for the reader to get an idea of what this story represents. Wanda and Betty make a great team but you need to give them more to do early... read

Good Demon Flick

A review of Eight Point Devil (Revised)

by jokermik on 02/23/2005

A fine script with potential. But the action is slow in coming. I was on page 50 and all we had was a wimpy hero who didn't want his demon bodyguard killing the people that killed him. C'mon. Dawson needs to get a littlre riled up before this, or at least ask for something more than leather clothing. Cut back on the exposition, too detailed. Why say a character unzips his... read

Professional Work

A review of PETER I

by jokermik on 02/13/2005

I never get tired of these stories especially when written by someone who should be writing for a major studio. Not that this alone makes Peter I a great piece of work but I can see why something this well done would rise to the top in a pro environement. What the hell are you doing in Norway?! Don't apologize for the length of the script. Most films in this genre exceed 135... read

The Ugly Waiter

A review of Creature Comfort

by jokermik on 01/26/2005

Writer has a way with dialog. very good indeed. Needs to work on making Henry more likeable. As written he comes off as a smart ass, a thief and not a good friend. I would like to see more of the inner conflict mentioned in the synopsis. I was at page 30 already and didn't get the sense that Henry was down on himself at all. The visit to the mental hospital gives more depth... read

Potential

A review of From Beyond

by jokermik on 01/20/2005

There is the promise of a good story hear but there is some work required. First of all: your setup takes entirely too long. Though you insert a flashback on page 20 to give the audience a clue as to what we're in store for it is much too late and much too little. A good proofread is also in order (I am so guilty of this one!) . If you don't fix the grammar, typos and misspells... read

Not my cup of tea, but...

A review of Homunculus

by jokermik on 01/15/2005

There is an imaginative mind behind this story. I have to appreciate a script that teaches me something new and there was fresh information throughout. However it was very slow in its setup.You should try and hook the reader much sooner than you do. I remember thinking..."I'm at page 54 and still am not sure what world I'm in." Don't save the meat of this story for the 2nd... read

Just silly

A review of The Dreaming Crabs (.03)

by jokermik on 01/12/2005

This script begin with some potential: giant, bubble blowing crabs start popping up in Hollywood and go ballistic.C'mon, how can you go ruin that premise? Read and find out. The action lines are way over the top. Try breaking them up, 14 lines is about 3 times to much. Dialog: same problem. Why insert Robert Downey Jr. into your story? He wouldn't play this cameo. That part... read

Old news

A review of A HOUSE DIVIDED

by jokermik on 01/06/2005

Well written in many respects. Excellent use of english. Nice visual setups. But films with Arab terrorists were cliched even before 9/11 and even this nasty act doesn't make them anymore interesting today. Not in this setting anyway. Now, show me how they operate in their own turf and I might be enthralled. The only wayto overcome that is to write a taut script that reeks... read

Not too shabby, but needs an edit

A review of Jennifer's Place

by jokermik on 01/05/2005

There are some interesting things to this story that a little more work. Exposition is good but a little too detailed. The writer seems to have done his research regarding cloning. This is good in that the dialog sounds plausible, but bad in that the dialog sounds like...research. Many of the personal exchanges between characters also came off a little clinical. The arrival... read

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chalkoutlinefilms on 05/04/2008

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Submissions by jokermik

Reviews by jokermik 101

Comments About jokermik 1

chalkoutlinefilms on 05/04/2008

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