Jumoke

by Jumoke on 04/18/2011

The layout of the script is excellent and makes it easy to follow along. Although from the beginning of the script it doesn’t feel like a crime piece but I can understand by the way how it is written that you want the audience to understand the characters a bit more. This is good but maybe the pace of the script should be a bit faster. The characterisation of the characters... read

Luck's ran out

A review of Luck's Ran Out

by Jumoke on 04/18/2011

The layout and format of the script is excellent and makes it easy to follow along. From the start it is made clear the period this script is set in and the dialogue reflects this also. It is also clear to the audience when the script is set in the present era. The script feels professionally written in regards to the characterisation, action and the dialogue. The action has... read

Time-Rift (v2)

A review of Time-Rift (v2)

by Jumoke on 04/16/2011

The layout and format of the script is good and makes it easy to follow along. I am not a real sci-fi fan and I thought this wouldn’t interest me but with a beginning like yours I just had to read on. In the action the only thing that should be in capital letters is the characters names. The action has enough description for the audience to visualise the scenes which is very... read

The Human Facade

A review of The Humane Facade

by Jumoke on 04/16/2011

The layout of the script is good apart from the title page which seems confusing. I don’t quite understand why all the stuff is there and the title is not. The beginning is good because it draws the audience in. In the action there shouldn’t be camera directions; just state the actions. The camera actions and directions are for the director to decide not the script writer... read

The Two- headed detective(s)

A review of The Two-Headed Detective(s) V4

by Jumoke on 03/18/2011

This idea is similar to the film, ‘Stuck on You’. So it could be argued that companies may not want to take this on board as this concept has been done years earlier. The plot was a little thin so maybe it would a good idea to make it a more interesting detective story to solve. This one is pretty standard - bad guy, drugs etc. The dialogue was good, and you provide just... read

My first read

A review of A Thief's Burden

by Jumoke on 04/28/2009

Every script needs a captivating title and this is one of them. From the outset this title provokes a question; what’s the thief burden? As an audience I was drawn to read on and hopefully try and find out the answer to this question. The actions are very detailed and from this I can tell that you’re pretty much a visionary person. The beginning is explosive and enticing to... Every script needs a captivating title and this is one of them. From the outset this title provokes a question; what’s the thief burden? As an audience I was drawn to read on and hopefully try and find out the answer to this question.
The actions are very detailed and from this I can tell that you’re pretty much a visionary person. The beginning is explosive and enticing to an extent; it’s not over done and very well balanced. The first few pages has a poise of actions and dialogue but soon it changes to just action context. The way how it is presented means there is no need for dialogue. Other script writers do it and it sound like a story being told but for you it works.
This set up of the plot allows the script to be unpredictable and I personally admire this.
The characters are brought to life through this script, especially John. The script defiantly rectifies the term; what goes around comes around. We go through the twists and turns with John and quickly empathises with him. At the beginning there is a point where you might get a chance to see John’s real side but because of the death of his wife I feel that he closed up and that’s something that would happen in the real world.
The character formation is different from others because at times it not clear cut. I think you thought very hard about the characters because they’re very diverse.
There is a character connection to the audience in the beginning but as the story involves we lose that because we don’t know who on who’s side. Even though this is a serious story line you still have managed to add some humour which I wasn’t expecting.
This action pact story keeps you on the edge of your sit guessing and wondering.
I was expecting more from the dialogue after I read the action sequence but I was slightly let down. I think if it was better written than the audience would connect more with the characters. This is an action, adventure so I don’t think it affected the script that much.
With this script I couldn’t wait to get to the end, not because it was a boring read but because I want to see how it ended and it had a good ending.
This was my first script that I’ve read on Trigger Street and I’m grateful that I had the opportunity to read yours. Keep up the good work and be aware of the constructive criticism. read

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Reviews by Jumoke 8

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Reviews by Jumoke 8

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