V4 explores the low level anxiety that an adolescent male feels. The conflict was started by an act of violence/rough play on the soccer pitch. Was it intentional, or part of the game? An athletic board will decide.
Good writing: "stud with studs...one eyeed trouser snake...football has kept me going...talking about someone else's problems."
I have reviewed V4's three other stories that relate to the world of soccer. I think she has the material to produce a 100 page novelette that soccer fans and parents can identify with. She has the characters and basic story sturcture, but she needs to develop and refine it.
material: Scott's parents arguing that leads to divorce; Ama, girl friend who doesn't make it with the lead character, but plays a role. The teachers and coaches in the school. All characters we know from our own lives. Professor Moriarty, writing from the Magic Kingdom, Disney World, Orlando.
Review of: 13.45 (part 2)
reviewed by James Moriarty on 02/25/2012
Other Reviews by James Moriarty 107
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A review of Somusby James Moriarty on 12/10/2013The writer gives us a love story in the modern, scientific age of cybernetics. He writes a good description of the cancer process: "...baldness...discolored skin...sickness...violent mood swings...no point to it...be forgotten...mouth of death...digital soul." Thank you, writer, for telling us what to expect. Good writing: "a little heavier...moved slower...I love you." Errors:... read
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