V4 explores the low level anxiety that an adolescent male feels. The conflict was started by an act of violence/rough play on the soccer pitch. Was it intentional, or part of the game? An athletic board will decide.
Good writing: "stud with studs...one eyeed trouser snake...football has kept me going...talking about someone else's problems."
I have reviewed V4's three other stories that relate to the world of soccer. I think she has the material to produce a 100 page novelette that soccer fans and parents can identify with. She has the characters and basic story sturcture, but she needs to develop and refine it.
material: Scott's parents arguing that leads to divorce; Ama, girl friend who doesn't make it with the lead character, but plays a role. The teachers and coaches in the school. All characters we know from our own lives. Professor Moriarty, writing from the Magic Kingdom, Disney World, Orlando.
Review of: 13.45 (part 2)
reviewed by James Moriarty on 02/25/2012
Other Reviews by James Moriarty 123
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A review of Alligatorby James Moriarty on 07/03/2014The writer set up a clever metaphor: hunting alligators in the Louisiana swamp was like hunting German submarines in WW I. The astute reader will visualize the eyes of an alligator above the swamp's surface and the periscope of a sub in the north Atlantic. To make the story more interesting, the lead characters are transvestites who trick the prey with swamp horns and can... read