V4 explores the low level anxiety that an adolescent male feels. The conflict was started by an act of violence/rough play on the soccer pitch. Was it intentional, or part of the game? An athletic board will decide.
Good writing: "stud with studs...one eyeed trouser snake...football has kept me going...talking about someone else's problems."
I have reviewed V4's three other stories that relate to the world of soccer. I think she has the material to produce a 100 page novelette that soccer fans and parents can identify with. She has the characters and basic story sturcture, but she needs to develop and refine it.
material: Scott's parents arguing that leads to divorce; Ama, girl friend who doesn't make it with the lead character, but plays a role. The teachers and coaches in the school. All characters we know from our own lives. Professor Moriarty, writing from the Magic Kingdom, Disney World, Orlando.
Other Reviews by James Moriarty 90
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A review of A Final Gift From Uncle Johnby James Moriarty on 05/22/2013Leath, a Texan, has written a long detailed story that reads smooth. This reviewer liked its personal nature and clear, clean writing. Good writing: "I never heard a Hollywood star snore before...I followed her eyes...Hollywood humble...that sold tickets...overt message...rear view mirror...crusted snot...refrigerated air...his knuckles." Good images: "darkened theatres...the... read
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A review of Afoot and Lighthearted - Part Twoby James Moriarty on 05/20/2013The writing is clean and clear. The action (visiting red light district in Amsterdamn, smoking hashish, visiting Rembrant self portraits) is light and easy to read. The story reminds the reviewer, and thousands of readers, what it was like hitchhiking through Europe in the 1960s. Some of the French may have been critical about Vietnam, but they lined up for John Wayne movies... read
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A review of The Antique Fairby James Moriarty on 05/06/2013Fast. Neat and clean...easy to read and understand...good history...good technological design. The ending comes up fast and to the point. The way I like 'em. 5 stars. Professor Moriarty .... ps. The artifical intelligence wants more words, but why clutter the review? I expect a commando to work fast and clean. This review is written from the History and Technology Museum... read