Reviews

  • A review of Time-Rift (v2)
    by redtruck204 on 11/05/2014
    "A RED iron-oxide vista. Through pale crimson a myriad of labyrinthine fissures, troughs and crevices meander in all directions." Very awkward sentence/read. Perhaps just describe in simpler terms exactly what we see. Eg. The surface of the red planet is cut and gouged like a million grand canyons. Michael/Kaitlin dialogue too similar. Almost identical syntax/pace. If one... read
  • by aaandronova on 11/05/2014
    First of all, I ‘d like to mention what I do not write about in my reviews: 1. Since I am not a native English speaker, I mostly do not write about dialogue and grammar errors. 2. Also I do not write about structure because I have no idea what it is. As I don’t know whether this much talked-about structure is good or bad, I always mark 5 stars and that’s it! 3. I do not write... read
  • A review of MAN CAVE
    by Russ2007 on 11/05/2014
    OPENING TWENTY FIVE PAGES: Questions you need to ask yourself: Do they establish the tone of the story? Do they set up the world this story is set in? Do these opening scenes hook and draw the reader into the world the characters live in? Are the opening pages written cleanly, efficiently and easy to follow? Are the character introductions long winded? STORY / PLOT: Is... read
  • A review of Space Vacation
    by Melinda May on 11/05/2014
    Hi Russell, “Space Vacation” has an engaging premise, especially in the kids' movie genre, with lots of opportunities for breath-taking visuals. It's an interesting story with loads of potential. Great writing. The theme, genre and tone of the story are well established. Consider eliminating the first scene since it is largely unrelated to the main story. The characters... read
  • A review of DORMANCY
    by micheleraedejean on 11/05/2014
    There is potentially decent story here done in by bad writing. This says it is a treatment for a screenplay but even those must be written correctly. You should find yourself a friend who can edit your work for you because the bad grammar, spelling, etc, make this nearly unreadable. This reminds me of when I use the google translator on my computer for translating foreign languages... read
  • A review of The Hell Outta Mexico
    by JSANHUEZA on 11/05/2014
    Hey guys, congrats on the script. Overall I'd say that you have a good concept in the vein of Fast and Furious meets Sons of Anarchy. I could definitely see this being made. You've got the structure down, and you've got some interesting characters. There were however just a few things I'd suggest to clean it up a little... First off, there were quite a few typos-- at least... read
  • A review of Junk Food
    by Tony Letford on 11/04/2014
    The story can be summarised thus. A no hoper is caught breaking into a store and is captured and chopped up in a meat processing factory. End of story This is "Sweeney Todd" without the wit and rich language of the original. The characters are all cliché and really have no depth and the author hasn't proof read carefully. eg top of page three the Sherriff says "We gotta... read
  • by Michael Keller on 11/04/2014
    Hi! I’ve never reviewed an anthology. I’ll try… "DECEMBER 21st" by Justin O'Hanley (J. O'Hanley) Very funny. I liked the deadpan humor and the likeable, everyman protagonist. The contrast between his pedestrian dialog and the Armageddon outside is funny. I would have liked a more surprising twist at the end. Overall, good job! "THE BRIEFCASE" by Bruce Rose (brrose) Good suspense... read
  • A review of MAN CAVE
    by GarethHunt on 11/04/2014
    Man Cave Thoughts as I read: Pg 3 - funny end to Juan and Fetcher - also an indication of what kind of humor to expect --- the early stages of this remind me of Hot Tub Time Machine, especially with the Man Cave having the ability to transport. --Preston can be wordy at times. pg 15 - none of these guys seem to like each other, let alone appear to be friends. Some artificial... read
  • A review of Sam, Roscoe & Her
    by micheleraedejean on 11/04/2014
    This had some potential but it was dragged down by too many mundane details and an ending that wasn't satisfying. Having two first names doesn’t seem like a very big deal especially not when those names were Sam George. The only people I know with ritual compulsions are OCD and it has nothing to do with social awkwardness. I spend weekends home all day frequently and I know... read
  • A review of When I Woke
    by Cab Coola on 11/04/2014
    This story, while short, packed a punch. (SPOILERS) This was a very good, tragic tale. It began with John waking from his slumber with his beautiful wife by his side. As they cuddle in the room, they're interrupted by their rambunctious baby girl. They share a moment together like so many mornings before, enjoying their life with one another until... the realization hits John... read
  • A review of Castaways
    by ydnar600 on 11/04/2014
    My running tally as I read: you’ve got quite a few minor misspells and punctuation issues here in the first few pages. I would also find a way, structurally, to introduce all of these characters a bit later if at all possible. Right now, I’m overwhelmed with trying to figure out who’s who. Page 9 lack of punctuation, for example "She holds up the handset". There's no period... read
  • A review of When I Woke
    by James Moriarty on 11/04/2014
    McLoughlin has thrown us a fast ball. But that is the way it happens in life. The writer has a told us a story of a California car crash. SUDDENLY. But that is the way it is. Readers should use this story to warn them: earthquakes occur and destroy the road in front of them = California motorcycle cop drives into abyss when the road in front of him disappears (Washpost frontpage)... read
  • A review of Mt. Clement v.2
    by Adamrc on 11/04/2014
    I will start out by saying that I read the first draft of this script a while ago and I remember liking it. I tried to look up the review I wrote to make some comparisons to what you have now but I was unable to locate it. To make matters worse it seems like I have been assigned all sports movies letely and they are all seem like one giant script to me right now. I can remember... read
  • A review of The Hell Outta Mexico
    by thorpe on 11/04/2014
    I really enjoyed reading this. You have a good concept. The first thing that came to mind was The Warriors. Even with the radio DJ. I’m glad you didn’t use the DJ throughout the script. Your structure is great. Each story beat was in place and it moved along pretty fast, even for 120 pages. The one thing I found missing, though, was Crash’s goal. Why was he on this mission... read