• A review of Remembrance
    by telliott on 04/14/2014
    This very short short story has the potential be a gentle, moving tribute to military members that served their countries and gave the ultimate sacrifice. Let's get the technical points out of the way. The downloaded version has no title. It is also been set larger than 12 point, I believe, but that could just be me. Paragraphs need to be indented. This is a moving passage:... read
  • by rexb99 on 04/14/2014
    Such a man-made hi tech heaven has been imagined many times by fiction writers and AI designers and engineers. It would be a monumental feat of computing to achieve such a thing, but not theoretically impossible. I appreciate, therefore, that this mind bogglingly expensive facility is reserved only for the cognoscenti. You don't need to say 'the elderly passenger' then a few... read
  • A review of Monsters In The House
    by mgood on 04/14/2014
    Hi Michelle, Firstly, I think your choice to write about an abusive step-parent was a very good one. This is a terrible situation that happens too often. It is not only a horrible event, but also a great place for writers to explorer a young person's struggle with self, abusive authority, and humanity. The part I enjoyed the most was Susan realizing that not only was her... read
  • by rexb99 on 04/14/2014
    I can see what the intention is and it makes for a decent premise, but the execution gets in the way of having the reader feel what is going on. e.g. 'He wouldn't have to listen to him sob at nights, most of them about his long disappeared mother, who, from Bobby's view, left because she couldn't handle her own depression.' and 'Later that night, when Bobby found himself lucky... read
  • A review of Place in the Sun
    by micheleraedejean on 04/14/2014
    The way the main character is written he isn’t very likeable so why would someone like him. There are no redeeming features as he is described. He is negative, only thinks about himself, degrades everyone, what’s to like? There is no doubt why he is alone and no doubt why he will stay that way. He learned nothing from the plant, instead of changing so be would be worthy of... read
  • A review of Buried (edit v.4)
    by micheleraedejean on 04/14/2014
    The subject matter is a bit different which is a nice change from all the vampire and horror stories that are on this site. This is the second story of yours that I have read and once again the paragraph’s aren’t indented, it really helps in the ease of reading. You also should use quotations marks for dialogue. There are a couple of spelling errors (portabello should be either... read
  • A review of The Long Dark
    by telliott on 04/14/2014
    THE LONG DARK is an impressive tale of what it is like to become blind. I really like the title. We say blind. How would an Indian in 1899 express the inability to see? The title captures the essence of the story in a natural manner. I really like the ending. “It’s gone,” he calmly told his father. There was a long silence, finally broken by the reassuring tone of his... read
  • by telliott on 04/14/2014
    Birth of a Strange Organism is a very well-written story. At first it is rather nebulous and abstract in nature. However, by the end it grows on the reader and the final words are chilling and malevolent in an interesting, compelling manner. A lot of the text of the story comes as questions which was troublesome at first. However, wouldn’t something just created have a... read
  • A review of Our Fall
    by rexb99 on 04/14/2014
    Early on you invoke 'blitzkrieg', the ominous images of dark train cars and some 'camp', creating the notion of Nazi Germany and the attempted extermination of the Jews. But soon you avoid naming the place where the journey ends. This alerts us to the fact that you may be using these things as an analogy. (I hoped for alien invasion) In my opinion these things must be handled... read
  • A review of Buried (edit v.4)
    by rexb99 on 04/14/2014
    Alan, One point: In the opening sentence the protagonist and Bobo are at the patch of dirt in the present tense. In the middle of page 2 (Standing next to that same patch of dirt) they are in the past tense. And again in part 2 ('This one was a young boy') . You do it cleanly and consistently the same way--and I bet no one notices--but I wonder if it's quite a good idea... read
  • A review of EPIPHANY
    by stokerrising on 04/13/2014
    nice opening. solid, tight, to the point, confident. (what a relief) informing the reader of what type of insight you had may not be best. this part -- "The type of insight I had involves personal experience of just how insignificant we are on this earth" comes off as a condensation of what should have been written out in such a manner that the reader would come to this conclusion... read
  • A review of Next-of-Kin
    by micheleraedejean on 04/13/2014
    This was well written for such a short piece but there wasn’t enough of a plot to call it a short story, it was part of a larger story but we only got part of it. This was very clinically written and seemed rather cold considering the topic is notifying someone that their loved one is dead. But Maybe if you did it all the time you would get that way. Couldn’t these two sentences... read
  • by micheleraedejean on 04/13/2014
    The Wiccan room was barely mentioned and nobody ever went inside of it, so why is that the title? Always be worried when someone is from Transylvania when reading a horror story. Of course how many of us really ever run into someone from Transylvania? The author is a decent writer and the story is easy to read but harder to follow as it starts out a lot smoother than it ends... read
  • A review of The Room
    by telliott on 04/13/2014
    THE ROOM was not an easy read. Mistakes in spelling and incorrect or non-existent punctuation take the reader out of the story. This reader also does not get the significance of the room to which the main character retreated. Why did he want to spend time there? What was he doing? Due to the reference of needing to take a shower afterwards assumptions are that it was something... read
  • A review of EPIPHANY
    by ProfRedSweater on 04/13/2014
    A nice quality about short stories is that they don’t have to be epic in scope. “Epiphany” is served well by that. It’s a very small story with a climax that would be severely anti-climactic in any other tale. I could arguably still be bigger, but that may just be the handling of the moment. Regardless, there’s a lot of great little personality quirks to the telling of... read
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