• A review of Track Changes
    by cmcloughlin1218 on 09/14/2014
    I see so many influences in this story, the ones thrown out there like Orwell and Crighton, with all the other ones like Hunter Thompson and all those years of punk rock music. I love this story and I immediately liked it on Facebook. I don't have too many notes but the ones I do have are below. You see yellow and not a speck of red.- great opening line that makes me want... read
  • by cmcloughlin1218 on 09/14/2014
    I was always a bit afraid of my basement, probably for similar reasons. It was dark. One side was taken care of and the other side was a work shop for my father. My dad had all kinds of weird stuff in that workshop and sounds came out of there from the furnace and God knows what else. I wanted to like this story a lot but it seems like you fumbled the ball in the snow on this... read
  • A review of The Cabbie of Berlin
    by cmcloughlin1218 on 09/14/2014
    I'm not a fan of spy films or books. I want to like James Bond and all the other cool spy flicks but for some reason I cannot get into them. I like the protagonist. Not as cool as other characters that I've read from you, but a good smooth character none the less. The Russian KGB stuff is true to form and the action is where it needs to be. The story is good. The structure... read
  • A review of Just a Man
    by johnregan on 09/14/2014
    Just a Man Reviewed by John Regan It has been a while since I have read one of Nick’s stories but I remember enjoying the previous ones, so it will be interesting to see where his writing and storytelling are a few months later. This was a frustrating piece of writing for me to read because there are some wonderful sections and sentences that are undone by wordy and bloated... read
  • by johnregan on 09/14/2014
    The Story of Little Salmon Review by John Regan I live in the Pacific NW and love the wild salmon that we can get here and how they spawn and return each year so the title immediately caught my eye and resonated with me. A few things I noticed: No page numbers its vs. it's errors Words omitted or missing Many (more than 10) sentences begin with "You wil" The description... read
  • A review of Heart Shaped Box
    by micheleraedejean on 09/14/2014
    Two weirdos connect for a brief moment in time and then fade away. This is definitely an unusual concept and it was pretty far out there. What reason would anyone have to give someone one of these greeting cards? This was obviously a comedy, I can’t call it romance but maybe lust, but even in comedy I like a touch of realism and I didn’t find anything I could connect to here... read
  • A review of Making the Papers
    by Visionscribe on 09/13/2014
    Okay. With a title like "Making the Papers," I expected the newspapers to be a little more important to the story than just a coincidental setting that could have been (frankly) anywhere. I love Boston, and lived right in Watertown for a while, too, so I was all excited to be reading something that was set in such a familiar area. Turns out, though, that this story could... read
  • by johnregan on 09/13/2014
    American Generation Part 2 Reviewed by John Regan I reviewed part one and liked it so here is my review of part two. Part 2 has some good moments and I made some suggestions below. Page 1 Dialog is good. For this sentence “a pair of Xanax” just reads funny to me. It sounds like a pair of glasses. I might say she takes out two Xanax pills. She takes out a pair of Xanax and... read
  • by johnregan on 09/13/2014
    Breeze Blocks and Broken Glass Logline Love is hard to find and impossible to let go. Synopsis A writer falls for a strawberry blonde waitress, but once the fog is lifted and the secrets unravel nothing is what it seems. The title and synopsis draw me in. I know what broken glass in but breeze blocks I am not sure. The logline seems generic and is not as effective as the... read
  • A review of Indian Sunburn
    by linusonline on 09/13/2014
    Really good imagery here. Everything is right and focused; a great character moment. It would be cool to see a little more plot, but that's just me. The visuals you paint certainly make up for it. Well done. The only nitpick that comes to mind is that these seems like some pretty adult thoughts going through the mind of a 10 year old. I guess because it is told in first person... read
  • A review of Elizabeth v2
    by Redhera11 on 09/13/2014
    The Lolitas of the world silently prey off the babbling hearts of the middle age man. It's a fun concept and appreciate your honesty. I want to feed off of his lonely heart. I get how delicious she is and how fruity her skin must be but I still don't understand how his this hold really effects him. The scenario with his wife in bed contradicts the closing statement of the... read
  • A review of Heart Shaped Box
    by linusonline on 09/13/2014
    I like your characters here. They play all off each other and Mel goes through a real change. This was a fun read. Your characters are the strength of your story and I definitely want to read more about them. This has potential to be a quirky romantic comedy so I'd suggest you keep going and expand this one. I did find a few typos and some grammar issues, but a simple re-read... read
    by linusonline on 09/13/2014
    Okay, so I'm not really sure what to review here. There's nothing going on, no plot, no character development, no tension, no comedy either. This isn't a story, it's just a flat two and a half page moment in time. This would be fine if there was something to propel this further to keep the reader invested in what just happened, yet it just ends. You give some good descriptions... read
  • A review of Junk Food
    by rexb99 on 09/13/2014
    Given the high quality and economy of words of the rest of the piece, why do you need this: 'Zed says while walking to meet the Sherriff'? I'm trying to put together the image of Leroy being hung on the meat hooks. If there's a hook in each thigh and one in the skin of his back in such a way that has him hanging upside down, How does he manage to swallow a beer? And how big... read
  • A review of Tales of Cilla IV
    by cmcloughlin1218 on 09/13/2014
    I've read all the installments of Cilla (I think) and they keep me entertained. I wonder how many we have yet to see. These make for a hard review since they are journal entries and what not but I still love the sort of gossip and teenage rants that go on. Since the last read, which was around march or so when I last got an assignment in regards to Cilla I beleive, she hasn't... read
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