• A review of Thicker Than Water
    by micheleraedejean on 10/05/2014
    This is the third story of yours I have read and you write well. We all know the saying is blood is thicker than water, and like father like son, and obviously this was an attempt at illustrating that point. This story was well written but a bit improbable. The dialogue was unnatural, a kid saying this “I don’t know. Maybe since March..” doesn’t sound right. The story starts... read
  • A review of When I Woke
    by DitaRenee on 10/05/2014
    This is a good short story. Technically, it does what short stories are supposed to do - drop you in, make you look about and conclude with a twist, surprise and a great ending. My only complaint is that it may be a little too short. I wanted to get a little more emotionally involved so I would feel really sorry when the protagonist awoke. I didn't quite feel that and I... read
  • A review of The One
    by micheleraedejean on 10/04/2014
    I am pretty sure this story doesn’t meet formatting guidelines. I have to admit my parents weren’t madly in love and this fairy tale of true love was never presented to me and therefore it was never a fantasy I chased. The bow to pop culture by mentioning George Clooney didn’t do anything for me, I hate the way people are so addicted to celebrities. How did he really know she... read
  • by nikkim on 10/03/2014
    The story was good and I liked it. You built up the anticipation very well! I love your descriptions, they are visceral, concise and effective. For me the extreme beating of the two teenage boys made me like our main character a little less. I think the same effect would have been made with a retaliation punch or blow, but the excessive force on the disadvantaged makes it hard... read
  • A review of HARD TAIL (revised)
    by micheleraedejean on 10/03/2014
    You revised this story well, the first version was hard to get into but this one had a lot more personality. My best friend for thirty years was an ex professional flat track racer who bought a Harley and Kawasaki dealership with his winnings and I had a lot of interaction with racers and bikers over the years. Some liked choppers and others swore by their stock Harley's, but... read
  • by cmcloughlin1218 on 10/03/2014
    I really enjoyed this story. I was intimidated by the page count and promise of more in the series I must admit, but after what seemed a very quick read I am interested in the remainder of Travis' travels. I generally critique the work of others here on Triggerstreet but once in a while you get a perfect gem in need of a vehicle in the ways of publication which is exactly what... read
  • A review of The Great Song
    by telliott on 10/02/2014
    I read this story and realized it was way over my head. I read it again. It’s over my head. Third time – still treading H2O in an unknown sea just barely keeping my nose above water. It’s over my pate to the Nnnnth degree. Please keep that in mind. I can appreciate that this story is extremely … EXTREMELY … well-written. I don’t pretend to understand all its nuances and... read
  • A review of Reflections
    by micheleraedejean on 10/02/2014
    This is a very short piece and a good exercise in writing, it's not really a story as it has no plot. This site has several examples of pieces done for the same kind of reason this one was, all different from each other. The descriptions were good and the writing was cleanly done. Since an inanimate object can’t think there isn’t much I could suggest to improve this but it... read
  • by cmcloughlin1218 on 10/01/2014
    This was touching. The name struck me as comedic, and I think most of your work has that aura. The description of the wardrobe was superb. Not to disappoint the letter inside the drawer was a surprise. After reading it I can't help but wonder why he never would've looked in the back of the wardrobe before. At any rate it was sweet and subtle with no recognizable errors to speak... read
  • A review of Charlie's Chop House
    by micheleraedejean on 10/01/2014
    The author says this story is inspired by a visit to Applebee’s or TGI Friday’s as a themed (Chain is the word I would use) restaurant. This story would be stronger with a shorter and tighter rewrite, too much is given away too soon. “Their breath puffed in the cold air” seems like it should be they could see their breath in the cold air. A restaurant that is run by vampires... read
  • by theauthor on 10/01/2014
    A hard driving tale of somber times for a young boy. I think the opening sells the story. The short ending does the story justice. A fine story told in such a brief fashion. I've read quite a bit here obviously and this tale deserves to be a spotlight. Many other works in the spotlight fall woefully short. I hope to read your other works. Thanks for your submission. A tale... read
  • A review of The Tontine
    by theauthor on 10/01/2014
    Very good story narration. I think sticking with the curse alone would improve this story as the description of the spirit's history took away from the story. The story itself was great. The dialogue was weak at times, but it moved the story forward. I would shorten this by ten pages, but lengthen the scenes where the men died. Describe it, don't merely drop it on us. This... read
  • A review of CancerRocksNow
    by cmcloughlin1218 on 10/01/2014
    Ok...So I get what you did, but it never made any sense. You had a character without description, a story without plot, and a structure...without structure. This may be avant garde material and it may something that would be enjoyed by readers of William S Burroughs but I didn't like it. I'm not saying it's awful, but it's just playing cut and paste and trying to make it your... read
  • A review of The Belt
    by cmcloughlin1218 on 10/01/2014
    I understand that the young dishwasher was afraid of girls and that he had a crush on the gorgeous redhead, but why would he be so weird about her giving him a gift? It didn't really add up and wouldn't he be proud that a girl so fair would be sweet to him? The characters could've been drawn a little better. The fry cook was made out to be a villain, so I would've liked to... read
  • A review of A New Life
    by theauthor on 10/01/2014
    This story had a good build up to it and the expected action fell into place. There were too many grammar issues. Some paragraphs were not indented, way too many one sentence paragraphs, and a misuse of italics. The final paragraph seemed redundant and weakened the strength of the story. What was "click-flash"? A camera? Overall, a decent tale of why you shouldn't meet people... read