• A review of Coming Out
    by chessaol on 04/01/2014
    The Fat Guy would do anything to be normal and mingle in public including the freakish…. The story is extremely well written and very carefully proofed. The writing style is semi rich with great detail about what is going on inside Russell’s head but much less about his surroundings. There is a loneliness that is only emphasized by the complete lack of dialogue even when... read
  • A review of Second Wave
    by Casey Major-Lehto on 03/31/2014
    I'm afraid it has been quite some time that I read the first part of this story, so I have a hard time reviewing it. Please take this critique with a grain of salt. Like I said, I can't recall all the details of the story in it's entirety, so I don't feel I can judge the concept fairly. I'm sure there are descriptions of the characters in the first half of this story that... read
  • A review of The Last Thanksgiving
    by whiskeytango101 on 03/31/2014
    I have to say that I really related to this story. My husband is an HVAC guy and we live in Arizona. During the eight months of summer, he's lucky to be home after 12-14 hours of work, and I have re-warmed MANY dinners that are never quite as good the second time around, and I won't even start with our 45-minute Christmas last year because he was on call. ALSO, he has told... read
  • A review of Untitled
    by micheleraedejean on 03/31/2014
    Untitled has a powerful story inside of it. The raw materials are there but it needs a lot of work. We start out with the author describing a scene of getting ready to leave home and go off to college in the middle of the night. Is it because the storm is coming? Then he is halfway out of town and then he decides to go back and we find out the city has been evacuated because... read
  • by rexb99 on 03/31/2014
    This story reminds me of some of the best first-person shooters that I've played; full of action and mythology. Lots of side stories of elves and wizards, magic swords and god-like royalty. Very engaging. A human plummeting at terminal velocity--or at least to fast the the atmosphere roars in his ears--should never attempt to grab onto something that is stationary. He'd be... read
  • A review of A Mother's Child
    by rexb99 on 03/31/2014
    As I go I get the feeling I'm reading something novelized from a screenplay; there are good action sequences and sharp dialogue, (though Keln says 'Boy' too often. It becomes irritating when one visualizes the scenes playing out). The descriptions of the country side and the storm are vivid. I think a longer work like this would be pretty good. It's a lot of work but you're... read
  • A review of The Last Thanksgiving
    by writer546 on 03/30/2014
    I want to start off by saying that you write well. I haven't seen too many stories about repairmen so that makes it a little different. You do a good job setting things up. I felt like I was in James' world. You also do well with characterization. The one thing that I felt could be improved upon was the conflict in the story. I think part of the problem is that it gets... read
  • A review of Monsters In The House
    by Casey Major-Lehto on 03/30/2014
    The concept of your story is a strong one and also one that should be told. I feel this society is moving out of the "don't air your dirty laundry" era into a "I need to get this off my chest and hopefully it will help others" era. We can't fix something if we don't know it's broken. Bravo to you for telling a tale like this. The characters were a bit flat. The girls age was... read
  • A review of Mojave
    by cynzen64 on 03/30/2014
    Story appears to be stream of consciousness in some areas. It also moves from passive to active voice and back again. Watch for those changes and make adjustments. Pick one voice and stay with it. 1st paragraph: "The lights of the house they are approaching..." who is they? After reading the story it is obviously Tom and Sherrie but since this is the first part of your story... read
  • A review of Samurai Dawn
    by micheleraedejean on 03/30/2014
    I have had some vivid dreams before but I can’t remember ever being a stranger in a strange land before. There are nice descriptions in this piece and it is easy to picture the scenes. The mistakes are few in this very short piece. This is more a description of a warrior’s death than an actual story since there really isn’t much of a plot. The piece flowed smoothly and had... read
  • A review of Dwelling
    by micheleraedejean on 03/30/2014
    Dwelling is a well written story that captured what I think someone like this would be feeling in this situation. It portrays a realistic picture about what goes on for too many people in this country. I let some homeless people live in their trailer and a van on my twelve acres I have a house in the country, in the middle of the property so that you could barely see them... read
  • by rexb99 on 03/30/2014
    I'm going to report on this story as a cold reader rather than a writer because I sense that it is of a style that is supposed to be alluring and curious - perhaps for some other than me. I have to admit that unfortunately I don't get it. I mean if this is intended to make any kind of emotional or narrative connection with the reader it certainly hasn't done so with me. Can't... read
  • A review of Tales of Cilla II
    by rexb99 on 03/30/2014
    Interesting stuff. I went ahead and read all three of the Cella pieces because I felt that part II just wasn't enough. (That's a compliment - in case I didn't say it right). Interesting, men writing female characters in the first person. I do it sometimes, too. It's a good way to get some important ideas across that might otherwise be taken too seriously. That's what I see... read
  • A review of Monsters In The House
    by cynzen64 on 03/29/2014
    Great story. It ended differently than I expected which is always interesting. However, there were some awkward sentence structures. Plus, the story can be expanded a bit to explain why the mother acted the way she did, which was to only put locks on the door. Awkward sentences: 1) "The only things they still did together were with the horses." I found this awkward and incomplete... read
  • by James Blackford on 03/29/2014
    This was an awesomely written story, especially with so few pages to make it happen. It flowed flawlessly and is so far my favorite story I've read on this website so far. 5 stars... The only two technical things i'd point out is the bit where it says he's nineteen and he went to the bar, i'm not sure how that happened and also the "orgy" part, not sure when that happened because... read