"Success is a science; if you have the conditions, you get the result."

- Oscar Wilde

Reviews

  • by sergiev2 on 04/07/2014
    You a nice little narrative here. It was great to see those pesky teenagers get their just desserts. But I have a few quibbling points to make. Firstly, it would have been nice to have some sort of resolve with the wolf creature. Yes, I know through proxy it forced him to confront the teengagers - but this is about someone inheriting a kingdom, and as such, it is a safe bet... read
  • A review of Dwelling
    by cynzen64 on 04/06/2014
    Interesting story! I enjoyed it immensely. I thought Carolee was well worked out and the twist at the end was unexpected. As were the drugs and alcohol. It reads smoothly and I found no punctuation or spelling errors, maybe because I became immersed in the story. Not what I expected at all. Carolee seems like a single woman who is getting her life together after turning forty... read
  • by cynzen64 on 04/06/2014
    Nice story I quite liked it. The main character is fully drawn out well. Though we don't know his name, it's unnecessary. I liked him and his description of being king of his land. In the intro you may want to get rid of the word "While..." It caused a pause in my reading. Also, you have a misspelling, it should be "choked" and not "chocked." I loved the short description... read
  • A review of Playing With Toys
    by montana malone on 04/05/2014
    I love the passion you have for writing and indeed somewhere in this short story lurks a true story if you ever consider giving it a rewrite. What if instead of telling the story like a mom might tell her girlfriend over coffee what cute or annoying things that her children did that day, you showed the mom shopping at the store and what her children did? What if you showed... read
  • A review of Coming Out
    by cynzen64 on 04/05/2014
    What a great story! I found it funny, sad, witty, and intelligent. I was able to read through it without stopping to find awkward sentences, bad punctuation or wondering what was going on. It was quite cute and I enjoyed it immensely. Russell is a wonderful character and you brought him to life. I felt bad for him, then found his "twin" idea funny. Finally, in his quest to... read
  • A review of In A Yellow El Camino
    by micheleraedejean on 04/05/2014
    This story illustrates the reasons why I never hitchhiked. There is a realistic and powerful story in this piece but it needs a little work. There were lots of places that the story telling was uneven and unclear as to what was happening and the story jumped around quite a bit. It would be smoother to read if you cleared up some of the rough and ambiguous writing. There are... read
  • A review of Clickety Click
    by cynzen64 on 04/05/2014
    Definitely an original, creative story. I was captivated by the difference between this and other short storied I've read. However, I got a bit confused by all the different names and wondered why I had to know who was on the right and who was on the left. The other thing that confused me was the whirring, the clicking, and all the other noises described in the story. At first,... read
  • by Leo1 on 04/05/2014
    What can I say? Even though not my genre, I enjoyed this story from start to finish. The author successfully wove reality and (presumably) fiction into a compelling tale of celebrity worship we've probably all experienced. The scene where the narrator becomes tongue tied at exactly the wrong moments was flawlessly executed. The build up to the fateful meeting held a perfect... read
  • A review of Food Chain
    by montana malone on 04/04/2014
    Your voice is amazing. Vivid. Funny. Engaging. At some points, down right hysterical. I hung onto every word, emotion, smell, description and dialogue until the "chick", Kendra, entered your world. Please don't misunderstand, your writing was still wonderful but just did not feel quite as strong as the previous three pages that I read. The encounter with her felt long whereas... read
  • A review of Mojave
    by johnturnbull on 04/04/2014
    I'm always a sucker for "slice-of-life" stories that are just there because they are. It's like watching a group of random people for a few hours and hoping they're interesting. And your cast of characters are, for the most part. I like how you attempt to write in the active present, however there are a few times you break out of this and it is distracting (by the way, it's... read
  • by James Blackford on 04/04/2014
    So, I just started reading and am two paragraphs in ( I like to review to some extent as I read) and the first thing I notice is the sentences are so long and wordy that I’m almost forgetting what they are talking about by the time im done reading them. I completely sympathize with that, because I do the same freakin thing. I think with things like that, although they are... read
  • A review of Night Moves
    by micheleraedejean on 04/04/2014
    This is a nicely done true short story. I remember my first time and it was in the back seat of a car when I was 16 and the story brought back memories of it, the circumstances were similar. The transition in the story from the memory of young love to a young man at war was a pleasant one. I like the song that is referenced but it isn’t necessary to know it to have the story... read
  • by rexb99 on 04/04/2014
    Never seen the work of a serial torture-murderer from this point of view before. Well done and very scary. On page 7 you change from present tense to past tense - then back to present tense. It's disconcerting and takes away from what is otherwise an all too smooth read. The ending leaves me confused. I'm not sure what the reality of this person's situation is. Is this a description... read
  • A review of Crimson Spots
    by micheleraedejean on 04/04/2014
    This story has some interesting elements and potential as a good story with a bit more work. The story shifts awkwardly between subjects and it would easier to read and follow if one thing were described well and then go on to the next one instead of jumping back and forth. It was disconcerting and it caused me have to reread a lot of this story. Why did you tell us about the... read
  • A review of The Lover
    by rexb99 on 04/04/2014
    Interesting. A mere thirty-five years ago The Lover would have been a science fiction story. And even this story is, because of Skype and other technology, becoming history. What a great way to describe the burgeoning technology that will soon allow far-flung online lovers to actually walk together in Montmartre or even make love naked on a beach in north-west Australia. Well... read