• A review of Gold in Key Largo
    by linusonline on 09/26/2014
    I was first under the impression that this was Sean's story, but too much time is spent with the hip hop gang that shift made it feel more like their story. If Sean is the protagonist, then it should be told more from his perspective. You seem to know your world which is a strength of this story. Watch your tenses. Sometimes you flip from past to present tense. That might... read
  • by cmcloughlin1218 on 09/26/2014
    I spotted quite a bit of errors in this story which is highly unusual for you. Some of the dialogue had question marks that didn't warrant them. I'm not sure how you spell the word on your side of the pond, but in America it would be spelled inquire and you spelled it enquire. I assume this has less to do with your talent as a writer than a matter of dialect. The story moves... read
  • by lawopstipops on 09/26/2014
    Reading this story was a weird experience. The story seems unstructured, but I was still interested. I couldn't always make out what was going on, and am not sure if this is meant to be the style, or if it's because the story has not undergone any editing. I suggest that the writer, David Strickler, does a heavy round of editing to make the story easier for readers to follow... read
  • by theauthor on 09/26/2014
    Lots of praise for this unusual work, a bit of a medieval adventure. I thought the writing was sensational. The action was missing, which is necessary especially in an episode. Everything must draw the reader in. Some grammar errors on the bottom of page 5 needs immediate repair. Your glaring weakness is a quick fix. Dregg is wonderful. But Imple the Pimple? How about Rex or... read
  • A review of Our Fall
    by johnregan on 09/25/2014
    In the synopsis, it should be an occurrence (not a occurrence) and this is important. You need the logline and synopsis to be 100% error free because that is the first impression the reader gets of your writing. Make it count. Make it perfect. It also looks like a [word] is missing here: A short story that is descriptive of an occurrence that either happened in the past or... read
  • A review of The Dining Room
    by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 09/25/2014
    Everybody loves somebody... else sometimes. This story was about a few different couples arriving at a restaurant, separately. Each had their own unique characteristics and attitudes for being there. But, as the story carried on I realized they were all intertwined in one way or another. Two spouses showed up separately with much younger dates, another husband caught the eye... read
  • A review of 75 Cents
    by micheleraedejean on 09/25/2014
    The concept of brotherly love and the boys mutual love of comics was nice but the execution was lacking. It did remind me of the time I was at Yellowstone with my family and my little sister really wanted a stuffed animal and my parents wouldn’t buy it for her and so I did. It’s a good thing when a story makes the reader think about something they can relate to. This story... read
  • A review of Junk Food
    by theauthor on 09/25/2014
    Fried Green Tomatoes has been done already, so not very original. Two grammar errors a 'me' instead of 'my' and 'i'm' instead of 'I'm'. I would loose the green hair as it detracts from the story sounding authentic right away. Also, remove the line where he takes a beer. If you were suffering and going to be executed, your not going to say,"Beer me" to your captor. Beer doesn't... read
  • A review of Tangiers
    by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 09/25/2014
    I went to Tangiers and filmfamman was my tour guide. This was an educational story about the life in Tangiers. It started with Travis, a back-packer, who traveled across the world, visiting new destinations. Next stop- Tangiers. he walked the streets meeting strange characters and learning the ways of the local people while enjoying Kish with newly acquainted friends. This... read
  • A review of The Burning
    by theauthor on 09/25/2014
    Well written with good marks across the board. There isn't much to improve. It was a bit hard to believe that he could cut the child free without being seen or heard. Perhaps if they left the room for a few seconds to get a serving fork or something. Return, heat it till it is glowing. Then, when they touch him with it, he turns, hands free and whacks one of the kids in the... read
  • A review of Cupid on the Moon
    by Visionscribe on 09/24/2014
    Cupid on the Moon To anyone reading this story, it’s worth it. It’s well written, well drawn overall, and makes the reader think about some things. I like the world this writer has created, and the characters, and the guy has some talent, so give it a chance. Don’t let the page count fool you – but do be willing to hang in there for a few pages before it really finds its... read
  • A review of Love In A Can
    by Visionscribe on 09/24/2014
    Love in a Can Don’t really know what to say about this one. It makes its point well, in a world overtaken by newly addicted luv-drug junkies gone crazy to get their fixes. The can of sludge creates a euphoric high beyond the best of the best of the illegal options to date (within the world of the story), and leaves the users on a come down so awful they’ll practically kill... read
  • A review of Charlie's Chop House
    by Visionscribe on 09/24/2014
    Charlie’s Chop House The writer of this story mentions that he was inspired by a ‘What If’ question that leapt up out of a mundane experience in real life. That is always, always, always the best inspiration for any story. Keep harvesting the ‘What Ifs’ for story ideas. That’s how Stephen King does it, that’s how Second City does it – doesn’t matter what genre, it’s a good... read
  • by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 09/24/2014
    This wasn't a short story, but instead a expository or informative work on the history of science. This story begins by explaining the early inhabitants and their 'sorcery', or what we call 'science'. And from there, I was filled in on the history of science step by step. It took a look a Tesla, Einstein, and many others who helped bring science to the forefront and give it... read
  • by tishanddavid on 09/24/2014
    That was nice to be reminded of Zed an Judd.But, Im confused, or I dont recall correctly...aren't Zed an sheriff Judd brothers? wouldn't this make this guy also their brother? both of them. Good story, fast paced. I dont think we needed the second part where we find out why he kills. It would, in mind make a better book of short stories if you uncovered as you went. It just... read