Reviews

  • by filmfamman on 06/24/2014
    This was a fun story to read with plenty of humorous "Aw Shucks!" type dialogue. I did read part one of this story. The interaction between Davie and his Dad, Allen, was well drawn out. We get to see the side of romance and marriage through the relatively innocent eyes of a youngster. When they talked about 'stickin it' and the realities of the first sexual experience for... read
  • A review of Reeves Point
    by telliott on 06/23/2014
    Reeves Point is a horror story that has a nostalgic touch to it. The writer has effectively taken the reader to another time and place. I was right there in the protag’s VW as it trudged up the mountain. Overall, this story exudes excellent writing. Please keep in mind that I read this story the first time for pleasure. The second time was with a review in mind. The third... read
  • by micheleraedejean on 06/23/2014
    I really think you raised the level of interaction with other people in this part of the travels of Travis. It was nice to have dialogue with another person instead of just telling about Travis’ travels. The other two parts were almost too lighthearted, there was virtually no conflict which this one had. I didn’t really like the way this one ended though, I think it needs a... read
  • A review of The Belt
    by micheleraedejean on 06/23/2014
    My first job was at a little restaurant called Hamburger Handout. In larger restaurants the dishwasher is usually the lowest position and frequently held by men with issues, and being a bus boy wasn’t at a much higher level but they were usually a little more socially adept than the dishwashers. Cooks were usually temperamental so this sets up the drama between the employees... read
  • A review of The Dog Whistle
    by Cab Coola on 06/23/2014
    This was a very sad yet refreshing story about a man and his dog, Buster. I'm not much of a dog lover but the writer did a great job of making me feel sympathetic for the hairy family member. It was a touching tale of a lonely man who found company with a new pet. His wife had passed, his daughter was off to college, and his father showed no emotion. But upon getting the Labrador,... read
  • A review of Paper Dreams
    by Cab Coola on 06/23/2014
    We all start somewhere. I've noticed a couple of your shorts now have come from real life situations and experiences. And that makes them all the more genuine. Like 'The Belt' this brought me back to my childhood and first job. This is the American story, starting out at the bottom and working your way up. It was very short though and your writing is so good, I would've liked... read
  • A review of Paul-pulation Bomb
    by taijinkyofusho on 06/23/2014
    The writing is a bit stilted in places, especially how you present quotations. Try some different variations of said, and put it in the middle of a quote for a change of pace. For example: “You said to ignore what the papers said about us," Anne chimed in. "You said we were heroes. You said the doctors were the villains.” The characters have their quirks and personalities but... read
  • A review of Two faces of Jack
    by gjn on 06/23/2014
    this was raw/naked--very powerful. One of the other reviews mentioned that he couldn't figure if it was courage or inspiration--- me neither. Somehow though, I think there is more than a short story here. A story of betrayal (the father, mother, cop) is widespread. The path towards redemption (for Jack) you showed was honest and seemed to have an unexpected twist. I was si... read
  • A review of Korban
    by blueberryjim on 06/22/2014
    Your story had a very spiritual feel to it which I assume is what you were going for. At the heart of it is the idea of sacrifice and how it relates to Enoch and his relationship with his son and even the very planet he lives on. It’s definitely a little different and that’s a good thing You do a good job of setting up the fact that Enoch and his son Melchizedeck are living... read
  • A review of Monsters In The House
    by johnregan on 06/22/2014
    This story reminds me some of the song Pumped Up Kicks by Foster The People in the way it treats dark and disturbing subject matter with a pop-like sensibility. What I mean is your writing seems wholesome and antiseptic on the surface but when you scratch that surface you unearth the darker details. This may be your style. The description of the cats and how they know things... read
  • A review of Paul-pulation Bomb
    by micheleraedejean on 06/22/2014
    This guy is a member of a group that thinks killing people who are already dying is good for the planet? I don’t get the logic on how that helps the planet. But if I read this correctly he is now feeling conflicted because he, as the leader of this death group, now has a terminal illness so he should be targeted for death. I guess I missed the point of this story because it... read
  • by Cab Coola on 06/22/2014
    Final Week At God School was a innovative look at the creation story. Jay Hova (Jehovah) is a student creating a world for school. He starts out well enough but when manipulated by Lucy Fern (Lucifer) things begin to fall apart. She manages to trick Jay into giving ape-people a higher brain capacity in turn, ruining his planet. The prose of this story was very good. It flowed... read
  • A review of Abigail
    by Cab Coola on 06/22/2014
    Very well written story. The writer did a great job of painting the setting and characters. I was intrigued from the first paragraph. It was a great opener that really drew me in. But I failed to grasp Abigail's motive on showing up in the first place. Did she 'get off' on torturing older men as much as Doyle did being tortured? Was this a roleplay? I feel like I missed something... read
  • by johnregan on 06/21/2014
    The story was told with a charm and a kind heart and I admire the effort. Some of the pieces of description are very-well done. I made some notes and suggestions. Tugboat Captain review – John Regan Global suggestions Spacing for dialog I notice an extra space around the dialog and not sure if this is intended. I have never seen it done like this and it looks weird to me... read
  • A review of Goodbye Cruel World
    by Cab Coola on 06/21/2014
    This story follows the life of a man down on his luck. Depressed with his many failed relationships, dead end job, and overall attitude of people, he decided to end his life while taking out others who'd done him wrong in the past. He has a plan to throw a party. But the only way to get everyone there is to tell them they'd be receiving money for their troubles. Everything... read