Reviews

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  • by BeanJTSnow on 04/27/2006
    Bertrand's proposal to Shombay, against Francesco propping up Luciani as a traditionalist, is the crux of the screenplay. I think, for it to be most successful, a reader who begins with no allegiances needs to be torn between Luciani and Shombay, changing sides from scene to scene. While Shombay would necessarily remain the Protagonist, Luciani should be a Protagonist in his... read
  • A review of The Role of Earth
    by boxsterghost on 02/12/2003
    Your dialogue is good and your word usage is fantastic. However, Sci Fi/fantasy is so over done that there is big problems of writing cliches. It seems like you took some 50's saturday morning serials and made it into a movie. If the screenplay is made into a movie in this style then that is great. It would make a good genre film. It was an easy read. One major suggestion,... read
  • A review of Sherman Pi (strike 2)
    by Jellytots on 10/18/2005
    Wow. That was an interesting experience! This is a really interesting concept for a film. I liked the general idea- the Think Tank, the change in perception, what is perception etc etc. You do a good job with creating an image- I liked your descriptions and most of the dialogue works. Using "Mind" as a character works really well- it's nice to see the internal workings of... read
  • A review of Starry Night
    by gapoz on 10/05/2012
    I see from your BIO that this is your first screenplay. Pretty damn impressive for a first effort. You obviously spent some time learning the craft along the way instead of just puking up something on the paper. That's a step ahead of many first efforts. On top of that, I think you have a nice style and voice and an imaginative story here. This is not a novel, and you obviously... read
  • by Chris H on 03/19/2009
    It's hard to believe the author is a "newbie" at this. Granted, it's the third revision, but this is one of the more well-written scripts I've read so far on TS. The Arrangement is a textbook romantic comedy, following a tried-and-true formula - Boy and girl bump into one another again just in time to avoid marrying the wrong person. There's nothing new here, no twist on... read
  • A review of Pâtisserie (v.2)
    by Campo on 02/24/2011
    You’ve created a memorable script with “Patisserie.” The story is poignant and gives viewers a look into a sad history that existed many years ago but which still dominates our culture and sensibilities. You’ve made that backward look into a distressing time original, fresh, and painful. We grieve with Andre and Emilie. We rejoice that there is a neighbor like Durand who cares... read
  • A review of Hunting the Lion
    by Lflo on 01/05/2003
    This starts out as a good character piece, showing a developing hatred from one brother to another, but then it just loses it. From the introduction of the "witch", this got really bad. First off, nothing is ever really explained about the witch, which I guess is supposed to give a feeling of mystery, but ends up giving a feeling of "can't really explain this". Secondly,... read
  • A review of Sisters
    by Kevin228 on 04/07/2003
    this story interested me but the more i read the more it sounded like hocus pocus with a few changes. i did not care for some of the words you used to describe some scenes like "cum in my pants" the cursinging in the dialog was a bit much but it fit and i could see where you could use it. I think it should be redone and lengthened adding more description and more about the... read
  • A review of The Angeleno (r)
    by fpham120 on 04/30/2013
    I went through this script pretty quickly. It was an easy read. Your descriptions and actions lines were pretty concise. There were some times they could have been cut down though. The story was shaping up pretty well. The first heist gave hints into Brogan's character as a nice guy just trying to get by. However I was off-put by the fact that he beat up Von and then went... read
  • A review of Miracle$
    by stevles on 07/04/2008
    Miracle$, like a failed cocktail, has either too many ingredients, or the right ingredients but in the wrong amounts. How do you write a 120 page satire, with the first 116 pages poking fun at man's seemingly naive, even dumb, love affair with God and Miracles, and the last 4 proving God exists, after all? To me, you can't... you can't have it both ways. You either stick... read
  • A review of The Road
    by Fox on 11/23/2002
    The only thing this script has going for it is the idea of a vampire versus a werewolf, and this never actually happens. It's supposedly a story about a young man, Layton, on his way to someone who knows how to kill him in order to end his werewolfing ways. 1. No obstacles pop up to stop Layton from his goal. He meets up with some adventures, but none actually threaten to stop... read
  • by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 05/29/2006
    The synopsis for this script really drew me in. And the first act paid off on that. But then, in the second, as the action drifted away from Spider to other characters, I lost interest. The script wraps up well enough. But that second act is just a killer. If you could somehow compress all of the action to make the whole script Spider's one night on the town, that would be... read
  • by David Muhlfelder on 12/01/2011
    I always cut historical dramas a lot of slack, because I don't think people should learn their history from the movies. I expect historical stories to take liberties with the facts in the service of creating great entertainment. Nowhere is this more brilliantly accomplished than in Tarantino's "Inglorious Basterds." That being said, I found this script to be, if not the worst,... read
  • A review of 13-Romeo (v2)
    by hepleronline on 12/15/2012
    It's a premise we recognize: a seasoned cop is supposed to retire, but duty calls. It's an engaging story, with a lot of great detail and momentum. As per usual, I'll start with a page-by-page critique and follow those up with some last thoughts. Opening: The whole tense-police-situation into practical joke scene is fun, but somewhat confusing. We get a good sense of the characters,... read
  • A review of The Indecisive Bandit
    by HORNER8 on 03/07/2007
    Funny, funny stuff happens here. PLOT. Good beginning. Money worries piling up. Page 22. Jordon apologizes for robbing the store and then waits for the bus. Funny stuff. Page 24. The dream about the police. Not so good because it’s only a dream not a real problem. Page 34. Detective Cone appears. This seems late into the story to introduce a new character. Can you add her... read
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