Reviews

  • A review of The Appointment
    by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 10/11/2014
    The Appointment has a strange but interesting premise. Death (personified as a ghastly old hag) arranges the moment of death with people, and then they forget. One man seems immune, so Death launches a campaign of psychological torment upon him. The story is primarily meant as a psychological horror/thriller about said man trying to protect his son, but there's some nice themes... read
  • A review of subject
    by micheleraedejean on 10/11/2014
    This is an innovative way to approach a nasty topic if I am correct about the “subject”. I think you could just put Top Secret at the top of the story to achieve the same effect instead of stamping it on every page, it is slightly annoying during the reading of the story. This guy is creepy from the very beginning as intended. I wondered what this creature was as obviously... read
  • A review of Only When I Dream
    by sergiev2 on 10/11/2014
    Michelle, The more of your stories that I read, the better your writing gets. It's said that anyone can have a great idea - but it's the writing that sells it. That being said, your concept was wonderful, but its execution was somewaht lacking. The relationship between the protagonist and Mara is not believable. What about the two binds them together as people? Build on this... read
  • A review of Mt. Clement v.2
    by hickok113 on 10/11/2014
    “Mt. Clement” – Review I enjoyed the script. The characters seemed to act in a way that was realistic for their roles. The dialog was very good and you used Ebonics well. Your formatting was very good. The ending was sad but good. I only found two typos in the entire script. I forgot to write down the page numbers but you have “ its “ when you need “ its’ “. You are... read
  • A review of Are we you?
    by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 10/11/2014
    This review is going to be all about dialogue. I've got to say, I never realized how negatively a screenplay can be impacted when just one component isn't in the box. Because "Are We You?" really ought to have everything in the world going for it. It's a dynamic premise, the characters are put through the ringer, and you're dealing with really interesting subject matter (9/11... read
  • A review of Method to the Madness
    by gromano on 10/12/2014
    You have a really interesting story here. When I read the synopsis, I wasn't sure what to expect, but I actually kinda found myself growing attached to Oscar and Jarvis and the friendship you started developing between them. That's the strongest thing you have going in this story. The actual story needs some major work. I'd consider something stronger than them going into retirement... read
  • A review of HOURS END
    by theauthor on 10/12/2014
    From the very start, the first paragraph contained four grammar issues. This continued throughout the story and greatly weakened the effect that this concept could have. The story failed to involve the reader because the 'tragedy' or circumstance was so vague that no threat seemed imminent. You have to put him in a realistic setting and explain it to your audience. As it sits,... read
  • A review of 5-12
    by telliott on 10/12/2014
    Pick your own adventure (PYOA) for … adults? Choose your own adventure books are popular with school-age children. I do not/cannot see them as being popular with adults. However, I could be totally wrong. I guess this experiment is just not for me. First off, a few paragraphs are offered by the writer then the reader must make a choice. At least in children’s PYOAs readers... read
  • A review of 5-12
    by matt r jones on 10/13/2014
    The concept is great and I love a time travel story that tries to do something different and you do that. I appreciated the references to BTTF as I find it annoying when something is obviously inspired by something else but its not referenced even with a sly nod. The solid base of a love story within a complex idea is grounding and easy relatable and that was really useful... read
  • A review of Wait for Morning
    by gromano on 10/13/2014
    Concept--You've got an incredible concept here and you really do great at developing it. There's such a depth of emotion. Characters--Your characters and their interactions with one another are almost flawless. A little tweaking to be done here and there, but they're truly superbly crafted. What I like is you don't use a whole plethora of characters and every character you... read
  • A review of Fly
    by matt r jones on 10/13/2014
    I've read and reviewed a few stories these past three days and each has had a great concept behind it, this is the same. I love the idea of a guy camped out in a stump, waiting for the war to end. Unfortunately, there are a couple of things that put me off. The first is the use of the word 'c***'. Its such a strong word and one that I hate. I'm sure others find it acceptable... read
  • A review of EUROPA
    by Russ2007 on 10/13/2014
    OPENING TWENTY FIVE PAGES: Questions you need to ask yourself: Do they establish the tone of the story? Do they set up the world this story is set in? Do these opening scenes hook and draw the reader into the world the characters live in? Are the opening pages written cleanly, efficiently and easy to follow? Are the character introductions long winded? STORY / PLOT: Is... read
  • A review of Sensible Shoes
    by cmcloughlin1218 on 10/13/2014
    I like this pulp like tale, it reminds me of the noir style films. I was a bit unclear regarding the death of Adrian. I know he was a kinky guy that liked bondage, but in this day and age that sort of thing is pretty common. At least in major cities. I imagine this story is set in the past though. Why was he murdered. Was he murdered? Did he die of a heart attack? Carole and... read
  • A review of Fly
    by micheleraedejean on 10/13/2014
    This was an interesting use of the annoyance of a fly in an unusual setting. Like everyone else I find flies annoying but I do know that they are merely creatures of reflex and do not have a brain. Why is the fly a cunt? That turned me off as I have always abhorred that word. Why was he worried about screaming after he swatted the fly when he was willing to shoot a gun off?... read
  • A review of Junk Food
    by MaxWatt on 10/13/2014
    Jeezuz, that's sent shivers down my back, front, sides. And insides. Your characters have great voices, and they pop out of the page in all their colours. However, it suffers from a blunt and emotionless narration that has no focal point. You need to decide whose story this is, first off, rather than letting the creep-out concept dominate it. Stories engage us because of their... read