"Life can’t defeat a writer who is in love with writing, for life itself is a writer’s lover until death."

- Edna Ferber


  • A review of Regret
    by rtori on 05/10/2014
    The whole thing looks like you're videotaping an audition in your apartment. The lighting is flat, you have no props feeling the frame, like in the overlong opening scene where they are talking at that table in front of a white wall. Also, you don't really know where the characters are. Is it a hospital, a cafeteria...? There is no real sense of time and space. You need... read
  • by Last Fountain on 05/10/2014
    Who knew music and gangsters were made for each other. Revenge drives a music lover down a twisted and dangerous path. His politician father is murdered. His uncle in crime takes him under his wing. And teaches him to wait for revenge. ALBUMOLOGY shows us the true effects of our choices. Choose carefully. ___THE FIRST 30 PAGES (THE SET-UP)...__________   Nice way to open... read
  • by rexb99 on 05/11/2014
    Question: Why does Nick leave the hotel room via the window? Nothing happened that seems to have necessitated this. There seems to be a little less exposition. e.g. the dialogue between Martin and Nick re: Nick's father seems smoother. That's an improvement. Things can be tightened up a bit by chopping into the scenes and focusing on the essentials. E.g. on pg 21 when Nick... read
  • by rexb99 on 05/11/2014
    The thoughts of Ernest Bao outside of the hearing room are dense and convoluted. hard to extract meaning from them. Still, there emerges a kind of private fragmented thought process that very well could be what actually goes on inside every human mind as random thoughts idle through. But Ernest's deposition record is hysterical. Usually, even on a four or five page short... read
  • A review of Southern Rites
    by DebraSwan on 05/11/2014
    Along with this review I am emailing you the first 40 pages of your script with more extensive notes that I hope you will find useful. This was a cute little yarn with some nice twists. While some of the characters were nicely done - Katie in particular - there were a few more than I think were necessary. This lead to a bit of confusion. While the story was done well, the... read
  • by stevles on 05/11/2014
    How do you try to get a fresh take on an old idea? You mix a couple of genres together and hope the script resonates with those who write the checks. Albumology is a rough, tough, in-your-face potboiler about Nick, a passionate music writer/lover seeking to avenge the murder of his father. Not being that familiar with the artists dear to Nick's heart, I couldn't make the... read
  • by stephjones on 05/11/2014
    Great story, Crappy title ;) Okay. this a grab for an easy credit as I have reviewed this offsite and now have it assigned. I've been told to either review it or be subjected to mozzarella cheese porn, which normally I'd be up for...but today I don't feel that great. So. what is there to say about this story? I will say that I have learned NOT to read my stuff after I read... read
  • by Adamrc on 05/11/2014
    I am a big fan of the crime genre, it's one that I personally spend most of my time writing in. And you serve up all the classic elements of the genre, and in 90 pages no less, so good for you. There is a good amount of action to hold the reader's interest. Even right from the beginning you paint the picture very well for the setting. The brink of all out gang related chaos,... read
  • A review of Pause for nostalgia
    by micheleraedejean on 05/11/2014
    It's not good to start out with a typo in your synopsis, especially since you can actually change that part of your submission, why didn't you fix it after the first person who has already reviewed it must have pointed it out? This piece was very confusing and poorly written. The font is too small and there are formatting, capitalization, punctuation and other issues. How can... read
  • A review of Off the Cliff
    by rtori on 05/11/2014
    Here is a great charismatic talent in front of the camera with a good voice and nice composure but the concept behind the project remains unclear. It's also too confined in terms of location. Having your lead character (the only actor) walk around in circle in his studio for so long is a bit boring. You could have had him delivering his monologue while walking alone in the... read
  • by craigmack on 05/11/2014
    Albumology-- I remember reviewing an earlier draft of this script on TSL. I liked it then, an like it now. You've got some spots you can improve. Before we even start though, you should get a grammar/spelling done on the next draft. A bunch of errors in here. A nice fresh take on a crime/revenge story. The gangster angle is played up very well here. I really like Nick... read
  • A review of Angels (rev)
    by craigmack on 05/11/2014
    Angels is well written screenplay, with a unique premise and story. It is executed very well, with a strong pacing and structure. Kudos to the writer for creating a page turner. The supernatural/duality of the story really hooked me. It took a while to develop but it was worth the wait. I would take a look at some of the action sequences. Are you writing in a passive or... read
  • ??? Non Credited Review
    A review of Stephanie
    by serge rocco on 05/11/2014
    Great composition in your shot and the idea of telling a story in one shot is interesting and challenging, but then what? It's intriguing at the beginning and one really wants to know what happened to Stephanie, but nothing is explained at the end, and that makes it weak. You need a resolution. The camera should end its move on a clue that explains everything. There lies... read
  • by serge rocco on 05/11/2014
    If the idea is to make a socially conscious music video about human misery, it lacks some sort of impact. It's not particularly pleasant to watch and very minimalist. Your camera goes in all sorts of directions without much logic. There is nothing much to add. Being able to hear what your subjects are saying would have made it more interesting. Good song though.
  • A review of The Carved Pumpkin
    by rtori on 05/11/2014
    I would have a million questions as to how did you do this and that. This is great animation with beautiful shots (the rack focuses on the seeds inside the oven look really good), but that doesn't tell a story. The use of sound is really interesting and creepy. You could use those talents at animation to tell a compelling story. There is too much emphasis on the technical aspects... read