Reviews

  • A review of Curtains
    by micheleraedejean on 08/27/2014
    This is an unusual sci-fi story. Hell-C is a good name for a recreational drug that isn’t good for you. The descriptions are well done. Good old duct tape probably will still be around in the future, there is nothing quite like it, a favorite of car mechanics and criminals. “I’m terrifying when I smile” is a good line as I can visualize people I have seen that I felt that... read
  • A review of THE KID AND THE BIKE
    by micheleraedejean on 08/27/2014
    This is a cute little story but it’s a little too short and ends awkwardly with some missing punctuation. I like it but it needs to have the ending cleaned up and I think a little more information about the main characters and a physical description of them would also be nice, it doesn’t have to be much but there really isn’t any right now. Yeah pot can make you paranoid but... read
  • A review of Myth, Manufactured
    by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 08/27/2014
    Who is this Robin Hood? This story has potential but the way it is written is a little scatter=brained. It didn't really explain who this man was or why he was having such a strong following. And the boy at the end was kinda strange and out of place. I think you have the idea for a great story and with a little more time and effort, this could be really good. it was only two... read
  • by Garrettmoe.usa on 08/27/2014
    Concept: I feel the concept is pretty good. I certainly see the comedic appeal of a former sex tape with a rock star and the havoc it could lay on a relationship, especially on an already self conscious person like Dave. Characters: Generally well developed or serviceable in the case of periphery characters. I do have to say, I felt a bit lost at times with Dave and... read
  • A review of Crescent City Dead
    by xzilez on 08/27/2014
    I review as I write. I love these types of scripts so this should be a fun read for me. No need to use cont’d in spec scripts anymore. So far you’ve introduced some characters in a funny way. Good start. You missed a period after Orleans on page 2. Question mark instead of period on the same page. It’s in Jim’s dialog. It’s yes, Sir and Shut up, Man. I’m not going to tackle... read
  • A review of A Dangerous Mind
    by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 08/27/2014
    This story feels like all concept and not much of a story. I like that character you developed in Josh but too much time is spend going over who he is and not enough what he does that would engage me as a reader. I want to read a story, you have more of a "tell me about this guy" type of piece. Don't get me wrong, I want to read more. I am curious as to why he is this killing... read
  • A review of BROOMSTICK
    by OwenVandy on 08/27/2014
    This was a pretty good script! The pacing was a bit herky jerk (alternating slow and fast scenes), but the events were fresh, and well thought out. There were a couple big errors (like on pg91, where a line by Hilda is listed as being spoken by Decimus), but typos weren't too bad. I also felt like the cat was a really good character. If there are areas you could improve... read
  • by ramassey on 08/27/2014
    Hi I just finished reading your newest draft of Devil's Lullaby and definitely see it taking shape. I'll break this review down into segments. Concept-The concept is good with strong themes that strike a good eerie chord. Characters-I found most of the characters to be a little soft. Donald and Owen don't have much edge to them for cops who dealt with such a heavy case. Donald... read
  • A review of Web of Deception
    by ramassey on 08/28/2014
    I just finished reading your screenplay and will break this review down into segments. Concept-Pretty good. I would of liked to have seen more of a ticking clock involved. The implanted chip is set to detonate or slowly poisons the host. Hunter/hunted stories go back centuries. You need something really epic as a reason for the hunt. Characters-Not a lot of back story to... read
  • A review of BROOMSTICK
    by Melinda May on 08/28/2014
    Hi Russell, Thanks for sharing “Broomsticks.” It's an interesting and a well written story (well paced, good structure, interesting dialogue and characters). General thoughts: Consider playing up Florence's goth girl side... maybe she wants to know whether Hilda is a witch because that would be really cool to her (or something like that). Why does Duddle-Fud start embezzling?... read
  • A review of First Rites
    by micheleraedejean on 08/28/2014
    The story was original and I definitely did not see the twist coming. The way the author focused on the girl's looks and other details did a good job to not let on to the ending to come. It was well written and had few errors. Error in this sentence “tennis ball and do anything more than pull hard on her brakes” should have the word “nothing” instead of anything, or "not" do... read
  • A review of Sins of the Flesh
    by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 08/28/2014
    "Sins of the flesh will ruin her!" - the Frighteners This is the best story I've read on here. It was a fresh idea and really had me interested from the get-go. The story was about a man near death, remembering his past and adding a comical commentary of the stages of his murder and burial. There were a couple of typos but nothing big. I did have one question (SPOILER),... read
  • by oddrain on 08/28/2014
    Given the complex character structure of The Tale of Us, xzilez has taken on a Herculean task of keeping eveyone in focus throughout the plot structure. Weaving so many stories together can be a tricky business, especially when so many of the characters are basically unsympathetic in nature. That does not say that the characters are uninteresting, quite the contrary, all of... read
  • A review of Not My Secret to Tell
    by micheleraedejean on 08/29/2014
    Very well told and eerie and the suspense level was good. I am curious about what really happened in the original murder, even though it says it was an accident the accident isn’t described so I just have to take the couple’s word for it. Was what happened before an accidental murder or a real accident, after all there is a big difference? It would seem to be the former since... read
  • by WillSho on 08/29/2014
    Sorry, I see you uploaded a new version but this was the most interesting logline in my lot of 3 so I had to go with it. Overall, The Tale of Us was an interesting read. There was a TON of characters and interweaving storylines to keep track of but you did a decent job of managing it. I think dropping the page count would benefit the script. 120+ is a lot. I feel like 100 or... read