• by Cab Coola on 07/07/2014
    This was a very good revision of 'Farmer's Fury, King's Folly'. I remembered the first was good but left me confused towards the end. But this on the other hand was clear and well written. The characters were diverse and their dialogue fit each one perfectly. The fight scenes with Vincent and then again with Quincy flowed smoothly. The structure looked good and I didn't spot... read
  • A review of Lessons from Grandpa
    by swantonjohn on 07/07/2014
    Plot: A rebellious teenage football star experiences events from his Grandfathers life through magic. From that description and the setup, I read this as a family film, but the tone of many of the flashback scenes are much more adult drama, so I wasn’t quite sure who this is aimed at. Character: Who’s story is this? The flashbacks are very detailed, but Alex feels short changed... read
  • A review of Gold in Key Largo
    by Cab Coola on 07/07/2014
    I enjoyed this story although I was hoping for more action in the end. You built the story up with the gang robbing the South African as Meehan watches on. There was motivation for the gangster with gold and for Enrico, there was the cocaine and homophobic slur. But there was no big payoff. The gang just surrenders. A shootout would've been epic. I like the character of Meehan... read
  • A review of FIN Part 1
    by filmfamman on 07/07/2014
    This was a captivating story, or at least the start of a story. It ended all too briefly, the 'Fin' came all too quickly. I do not know if you intend to expand on this tale, but it would be a very good one. The dialogue was crisp, but sparse, appropriate for a man who was a bit on the taciturn side and was living on the edge not knowing which day would be his last. Sheila... read
  • A review of Semaphore
    by filmfamman on 07/07/2014
    I already reviewed the earlier version of this story, last week I think. But I see that you deleted the old version and uploaded this new one with a new ending. Again, you have a very good handling of a descriptive prose style. And even though the main character's life is moribund, boring to the point of being almost non existent, you make it interesting by the telling of... read
  • A review of The Branding
    by filmfamman on 07/07/2014
    Boy, cows born in India have no idea how lucky they are. In fact, we ourselves do not know how lucky we are to be born human instead of cow. Yes, the circle of life continues on spinning. Your "awe-shucks" prose was expertly written to bring the reader down into the dust and muck of a typical branding day. As humans we are about 10,000 years separated from our hunter-gathering... read
  • A review of Squirrel Impossible
    by sogd79 on 07/07/2014
    "Squirrel Impossible" is a cute story. Overall, it's well written; it's obvious that you are proficient with technical aspects of screenwriting as well you know how to structure the story. It was easy to follow the plot, the dialogue wasn't bad. Lots of things here work well. What I felt was unexplored in this screenplay was its soul. And by this, I mean its theme. What... read
  • A review of The Last War
    by dkimg21 on 07/07/2014
    When I saw "Cozgonians", I was slightly excited to read the screenplay. However, it could not salvage the story that is the Last War. For the first time, I'll be going through each category to help you re-write this. Concept: Like I said, the Cozgonian religion sets up a good idea for a dystopia. However, everything else is bad, even some of the names. The "Sci-Soldiers" and... read
  • A review of The Last War
    by Lascreenwriter on 07/07/2014
    Let me preface this: My genre is not sci-fi, so my review comes with limitations. While you certainly do not lack imagination, overall, I feel that the fortuitous encounter with Aiden comes from straight of nowhere! Aiden, himself, is a main protagonist, which fails to show why he was chosen. What made him so special for Kristiana to choose him? Perhaps, he himself is a... read
  • A review of Farrah
    by DavidStokes on 07/08/2014
    CONCEPT / LOGLINE: “A slacker vows to halt his best friends weeding after meeting the bride to be.”. It’s a traditional style concept, one that seems very familiar but, as far as I can tell, hasn’t been done in this way. I enjoyed the fact it was set in a skiing town. Would have been nice for you to name the town we’re in. CHARACTER: For the most part, the characterisations... read
  • A review of Trap Door Action
    by max sappa on 07/08/2014
    This was posted by mistake right? It's a promotional video sale (that doesn't sell anything)! I was expecting to see 'Trap Door Action' in a corporate amateur fashion website - and I am generous. Maybe on some specialist channel at 4am... Why is this even called documentary? Why is it posted to Trigger Street? Can you actually edit footage of a couple of 'models' dressing... read
  • A review of CONVICTION
    by max sappa on 07/08/2014
    I love the acting of both actors. Absolutely loved what they did!!! Camera work? Fantastic camera work and editing! Music? Very nice indeed... The big let down is the story though. Unfortunately in this time and age is trite and kind of predictable - and it is almost trendy these days being an atheist. It is a pity because the first half of the movie had me really engaged... read
  • A review of Semaphore
    by sergiev2 on 07/08/2014
    I'm listening to The Smiths right now as I write this. Your narrative was pretty damn wrenching. What of this man who hadn't the ability to reach out in the physical world and could find someone over cyberspace? Your character echoes Dostoevsky's underground man, Raskolnikov - and other strange figures of literature. He is withdrawn, miserable and paints his world in the color... read
  • A review of The Zombie (V2)
    by lizzayn on 07/08/2014
    LOGLINE: Good CONCEPT: Good, though Zombies are a bit overdone, I think you've managed to keep the idea fresh. STORY: Overall, the story was good. It is a slow burn but you did a good job of keeping the tension up throughout. You may want to consider plumping up the backstory on the witches a bit more in the first half. CHARACTERS: The main characters were well done... read
  • A review of Leap Year Gold
    by filmfamman on 07/08/2014
    This was an interesting allegorical tale, reminiscent of F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Doug begins as a new born and grows quickly, until he peaks at age 64 when he reaches a hammer and shovel and begins to dig. The story covers the entire cycle of Doug's life, growing old and then younger until his death. There were many missing words in this... read