• A review of Finding the Words
    by InPost on 05/01/2014
    First of all, let me say that technically, it's a great short. The acting is good, framing, all of the techy stuff is there. Now, creatively, I think this one could have been worked out a little more. I don't know what he did, which may be the point the director was trying for, but it leaves me wondering why did I watch this? The viewer needs a payoff for their time. Also,... read
  • A review of Quantum Effects
    by James Moriarty on 05/01/2014
    QUANTUM = Nice fast story on how REX is learning science at the high school level. Rex can write clean and neat, and shows the ambiguity of the scientific method...but it works when other scientists replicate results in their labs. LINUS PAULING thought that DNA was a triple helix, but WATSON and CRICK + ROSIE, based on hard data, and assembling models of data, concluded it... read
  • A review of FIN Part 1
    by James Moriarty on 05/01/2014
    O.K. Garry, you got me. #1 Your story is grammatical correct. #2 You build tension with a killer lurking in the background. #3 Best dialogue that I have read on There may be a killer, but the protagonist has 9mm gun. Good writing: "That would be me." "...but I know every noise now." "They have whiskey." Fin = Final = a latin derivative Please ask to assign... read
  • by telliott on 05/01/2014
    Having read THE WRATH OF HEAVEN I'm still not sure what I read. Makes me unsure of any review I can give it. I believe this is the second story I have read by this same writer. I didn't get the first one either. I didn't feel any emotional attachment to the main character. The formatting of the story, to include the use of different fonts, was confusing. Text messages... read
  • A review of House of Gates
    by Russ2007 on 05/01/2014
    OPENING TWENTY FIVE PAGES: Questions you need to ask yourself: Do they establish the tone of the story? Do they set up the world this story is set in? Do these opening scenes hook and draw the reader into the world the characters live in? Are the opening pages written cleanly, efficiently and easy to follow? Are the character introductions long winded? STORY / PLOT: Is... read
  • by rexb99 on 05/01/2014
    Okay, now I'm confused. The Sage of the Full Moon, which I reviewed last week or so, was obviously written in response to criticism to this story 'Farmer's Fury, King's Folly'. Or maybe you have developed two completely different versions, perhaps 'Farmer's Fury, King's Folly' is meant to be a flash fiction piece for submission elsewhere. The characters here aren't developed... read
  • A review of Bank Robbah
    by micheleraedejean on 05/01/2014
    This tale was left dangling in midair. A bank robber doesnít feel like he should be a father because of his profession but isnít it a little late to decide that after the woman is pregnant? The story really jumps around and could use some continuity. The concept is decent but the story didnít really illustrate that point as well as it could have. There wasnít enough detail... read
  • A review of Memorabilia
    by shastina456 on 05/01/2014
    I like how your story is a fable lesson. I believe if there was more dialogue, and less description, your story would be at its best. Dialogue really livens up a story. You had a run-on sentence in the beginning. Just one, though. And what is with the multiple use of your word, " hisself? " The word to use is, " himself. " It is best to use proper grammar when you narrate,... read
  • A review of The Carved Pumpkin
    by chickswritingpartner on 05/01/2014
    I enjoyed this short mostly for the idea and the style. I think stop motion (?) animation was the right format for showing the carving of a pumpkin. It was spot on. Now I get that the piece wanted to be a chaotic look at the carving of the pumpkin, but I couldn't help thinking that it would benefit from a stronger narrative. Right now it's random and unfocused until the... read
  • by telliott on 05/01/2014
    The writer uses the concept of taking a politician somewhere heís curious about and making that politician wish heíd never gone in the first place. I like that, even though the story is set in a world of parallel universes, some things (meddling politicians) remain the same. However, the story has a lot of mistakes in it that detract from a smooth read. For example on page... read
  • by Nelson B on 05/01/2014
    STORY: Wonderful story, great characters, marvelous dialogue and impressive timing and structure. The proposed buying of the village by the Grangers came just at the right time to heighten the tension. In Claire you created a character with plenty of arc room and pulled it off effectively (it inspired me to rework and ending to my latest script. WRITING: Just a few comments,... read
  • by telliott on 05/01/2014
    I was expecting more of a horror story with IF THESE WALLS COULD ONLY TALK. It seems to be more of a history lesson. I am not a history buff but the writer seems to possess the knowledge of a lot of details and dates, along with a willingness to share them. Has the writer considered writing a fictionalized short story loosely based on Revereís famous ride? I get the impression... read
  • A review of Afternoon Stroll
    by micheleraedejean on 05/01/2014
    The quality of the writing was pretty good but this was an odd story. Why not just stay home if a creature like this wants to kill your children? Why did it want to kill your children? It seems as if this creature didnít go and hunt people down so why did this guy go and seek it out? There are many things in this story that arenít explained. A father takes his sons to make... read
  • A review of The Empty Planet
    by llegoz on 05/01/2014
    Let me say that this is one of the best scripts I've read on here in a looong time. I love sci-fi stuff. The imagery you describe is well done. I had no problem visualizing it in my head. The sheer size of things is also a cool part of this script. 30 mile ships, rings around the earth. The opening sequence on mars is well done also. It has a great set-up too. He's racing to... read
  • by telliott on 05/01/2014
    I thoroughly enjoyed reading HAPPY HOUR AT TRAVELER'S COCKTAIL LOUNGE. It was a fast read punctuated sweetly by the relationship between the two old men (Jim and Frank). The exchanges between Jim and Frank really shine. One aspect I didn't get was the narrator's cynicism but that is probably just me. Why did he keep looking for holes in the story Jim and Frank were telling... read
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