Reviews

  • A review of The Dead of Winter
    by Arthurfishel on 12/28/2013
    Alright, so it says that you wrote this when you were 16? I would say start with a quick dialog and action polish. Things tend to run on a bit too much. I would also double check your formatting and character descriptions. I struggle with what this story is actually about: you have family, mob, and children. I am not 100% sure of the tone you are going for or the genre. I... read
  • A review of Mind of the Beholder
    by Gerardoserrano1973 on 12/28/2013
    Reading this script has made me wonder why we can get enough of fantasy like super heroes and villains. It reality is quite hard to trap one, why, because they don’t want to be trapped, and because of they kill strangers, typical police inquiry procedures can hardly discover who they are. Most of the murders are committed by people related to the slain person and that’s how... read
  • by The_Last_Recluse on 12/28/2013
    Chris, This is my first review in quite some time as I have just finished a new draft of my own so I figured I better get back here, and this as my first assignment was a nice surprise. My notes as I read: Pg. 2 – not often am I saying slow down, but in my opinion I believe it would be a benefit to your script. Billy’s family is dead in the first minute. I believe having... read
  • A review of The Gold Lighter
    by micheleraedejean on 12/29/2013
    The descriptive writing was well done and I only found one error. It was on the first page and it is “threating” which should be threatening. I wondered how the deer “brutally tenderizing his face” interfered with the air bag functioning. I didn’t particularly care for the story as it was dark and dismal with mostly creepy characters. I am not really sure what the real point... read
  • by theauthor on 12/30/2013
    I enjoyed this piece a lot. It had great characters that stood out in many ways, excellent. I enjoyed almost every page. There was a spot before page 30 where it went a little bit long in telling a blackmail story that was simply background and started to derail the action. It seemed odd that there were no girl characters to speak of. The ending left me a little too tight... read
  • A review of Working Class Satan.
    by MarcTwine on 12/30/2013
    ...Generally quite good (though not engaging to me personally). Credible dialogue, given the age of the protagonists. An interesting "twist" at the end...Sheriff's son and all. Would have liked you to elaborate at the end. If even as an afterthought. What happened to the players: trial for the survivors? Sentence (or none) for the attackers? Though you have portrayed a heroes/villains... read
  • A review of Mojave
    by MarcTwine on 12/30/2013
    Not a bad effort. I live in West Texas. Snake IS eaten. But, usually, goat (not lamb) if you're in "pit" mood. I've lived in the Mojave -- seldom do parties last two days --- too damned hot/cold depending on the season. And, BTW, snake venom is inactivated by gastric juices. Nice try though. So, "believe-ability" based upon stereotypes misses the mark. Aside from gastronomic... read
  • A review of Positive (+) Rev
    by craigmack on 12/30/2013
    Hello, Thanks for letting me read your screen play. It was well written and formatted. The story was interesting, and engaging. A few minor things I'll get into below. Structure: I felt the story was structured well, with clear act breaks between 1,2,3. However, the Act Breaks did seem forced at times. As they sprung out of nowhere. I find that this can happen sometimes... read
  • A review of An Experienced Woman
    by micheleraedejean on 12/30/2013
    This is a short little ditty about two guys talking about women and I their sexual experience. This isn’t a story and it isn’t 500 words either. Someone on this site quoted that “a short story needs a point” in a review I read. This has none. This was a waste of time but at least it was a short waste of time. I read another of this author’s short stories so I know he knows... read
  • A review of Myth, Manufactured
    by micheleraedejean on 12/30/2013
    It seems like something is missing here. The story starts out decently, then there is a strangely formatted paragraph and finally the story disappeared. What happened? I feel like there could have been a story here if the author had decided to fill us in on a few more details. There wasn’t much information on this Robin Hood he had supposedly been following for three years... read
  • A review of Tainted Spirit v4
    by mbryan1985 on 12/30/2013
    Horror, mystery/suspense... well it started out like it might be that way, but it got lost amidst the tonal inconsistency, directing in the script, and lack of focus. Rule #1: NEVER DIRECT -- unless you plan on directing this script, stop using "cut to", camera motions, and music suggestions. Leave that to the director. Now onto the story. The story starts off with a pair... read
  • A review of Tommy's Magic Puka
    by Mochila on 12/30/2013
    Lucy and Timmy travel back in time to altar their father's fate in this fast and charming read. The writing is clear, description doesn't mince with words almost to the point of shorthand but it works. I don't recall any errors except one misspelling of "whisper". The beginning presents a dark scenario with a war area scene and the death of a family member, but the tone works... read
  • A review of Yellow 6
    by johnturnbull on 12/30/2013
    The concept of this was good and the facts were very interesting. The way you blended those facts with a fictional tale was entertaining and made the story seem more realistic. There are really only two issues I have with this story. First, its length. After Faye left the story kind of went off in tangents that didn't really propel the story forward nor add anything to it... read
  • A review of Savage Blood
    by Jackleonard on 12/31/2013
    Savage Blood begins at a ferocious pace when Carru's parents are brutally murdered by fellow tribesman Tukupa. This is the beginning of a long line of savagery in a world where there is no reason or morality. The concept is it's strong point. I was intrigued by a world so unforgiving and wild where murder has no consequence other than vengeance. An eye for an eye seems to be... read
  • by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 12/31/2013
    The characters were definitely believable. I really enjoyed the way you showed personality rather than telling about it. The ego of Rocky was not only ridiculous, but hilarious at times, especially when he made that Tarzan remark regarding he’s a better swimmer. The dialogue was also very direct and useful to the story as well. The way dialogue was used was character building... read
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