• by Londergan on 07/30/2014
    Solid screenplay, from start to finish. All the transitions from act 1-3 were on point right where they should be. I like that all the characters are unique and have their own separate archetype, and they all hold their weight the whole way through instead of wandering off into different personalities and people. Concept is great, the story was even better. Early on I had... read
  • by Shirley Day on 07/30/2014
    Hi Johnny, this was assigned to me but I seem to have done an uncredited review on it, so I"m just going to copy and paste it. There's a great story here, and in a genre that hasn't been picked up for a few years, so I think this script has real possibilities. However, and it's a bit however. This is a really difficult genre to write. Having said that - I think with a bit of... read
  • A review of A Perfect Cocktail
    by EugyBizzaro on 07/30/2014
    I enjoyed this film. The acting was good and the characters believable. I liked the flow of this movie. It had a double twist of the plot at the end...SURPRISE! The story was good and original. The cast and crew were great. April and Dan were natural. I would like to see this made into a full length feature. This short film was a cliffhanger. Excellent short film. TY E.B... read
  • A review of Totally To The Max
    by dplage1116 on 07/30/2014
    I won't lie, this is by far the toughest time I've had reading a script. There are elements buried here that might prove for an interesting film, but there are so many things holding it back. Lets dive into this sucker. CONCEPT / LOGLINE: 3/5 Coming-of-Age stories are extremely popular right now. They are a dime a dozen. So what does Totally to the Max do to stand out from... read
  • by Schism83 on 07/30/2014
    Hey, again, Film. Just read 'Fats Domino, P2' and here are my thoughts and comments. This was an interesting read. Much like 'Data Dump', I think you've got a really good idea, and I particularly like the Parents showing up at the end - unexpected and fun. Those damned crazy kids! I think the main problem I have with the story is that sometimes it feels more like a history... read
  • A review of Comet (v2)
    by NickLacey on 07/31/2014
    Whilst the idea was interesting, and the visuals accompanying the voice over, engaging, it was unclear who the audience is. The educational element suggests youngsters, particularly in the intriguing angle taken on the topic. However, the suggestion that the table was a poem was not clearly explained implying it is for an older audience who would more readily consider the poetry... read
  • A review of Squirrel Impossible
    by jjpsos on 07/31/2014
    Okay I have to say I sputtered with the story around 3/4 through it, though it finishes off in a sprint of action. Also I must remember that the story is for children and hence the content restrictions, so it's a challenge to keep an adult entertained within this context. That being said, there was enough substance in Squirrel Impossible to keep this reader hooked. One of... read
  • A review of The Mental Facility
    by micheleraedejean on 07/31/2014
    This was a decently told story about a teenager’s experience being in a mental facility. It seems like anger and violence issues would be more like something that would be dealt with in therapy or a juvenile delinquent facility rather than in a place where people with a fragile mental state would be put in but I suppose all these places are run differently. This reasons given... read
  • A review of Paul-pulation Bomb
    by JeffreyGonell on 07/31/2014
    Clear, concise, and enjoyable. Paul-pulation Bomb takes place in a not-so-distant future where the problem of overpopulation is rampant. Paul is the leader of a militia who are bent on killing ill people and the elderly as a way to cleanse the Earth. Paul informs his loyalest soldiers that has to leave the movement, revealing an ironic surprise. If he doesn't follow his own... read
  • by JohnnyCoffeen on 07/31/2014
    Running Notes (numbers = page numbers): 1. A great, gripping for page. Though I liked visualizing this in the style of black and white Sin City, you should probably leave that note out – it takes up space, it “directs” the script and it doesn’t enhance the story. Also, you should maybe make it INT. CHRISTOPHER’S SQUAD CAR - CONTINUOUS 2. Actually, this kind of regards... read
  • by jayb on 07/31/2014
    This screenplay for RISE OF THE CRIMSON SUN reads like a very rough draft – especially the second half in which events unfold without regard for plausibility and the conventions of story structure. The logline promises a story about a slave on a crusade to conquer the Middle East, but that doesn’t begin to happen until around page 80, when the story should be reaching for... read
  • A review of Meat Girl
    by aecaldwell on 07/31/2014
    This is a very original idea for a short story. I liked how imaginative this was. You did a good job of teasing out details and letting us empathize with the meat girl. I feel as if it were possible for a girl to be made entirely out of meat, these are the struggles she would face. The prose flowed nicely and it was darkly humorous. If I could make one suggestion, I would... read
  • A review of Lost Love
    by Schism83 on 07/31/2014
    Hey Cab. Just read 'Lost Love' and here are my thoughts and comments. This is an excellent idea. A very clever concept that allows the audience to assume an ending but places them in a completely differnt one at the finale. I'm not sure how I feel about the presentation, though. The story sometimes feels overly dramatic and, maybe, sappy. The angry stares, tear swollen... read
  • A review of JUNK
    by ramassey on 07/31/2014
    Hi I just finished reading your script for JUNK. I'll break this review down into categories Character- The characters were very good, all with their own motivations. I'm not sure what Jones brought to the story but it was refreshing that he turns out to be human and compassionate, Jess also was pointless. I think one problem with this story was a lack of conflict. I felt... read
  • A review of Korban
    by Schism83 on 07/31/2014
    Hey, Cab. Lo' and behold - I got your 'Korban' on my list so here are my thoughts and comments. I thought this was really good. You start with a strong setting but mysterious/ambiguous goal; you set up the Good Samaritan well while hinting at a greater significance and providing layered and good dialogue along the way; and then you take us into the great Hall, where we get... read
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