Reviews

  • A review of Second Wind
    by cmcloughlin1218 on 10/06/2014
    I don't run nearly enough. I've always hated it, I'm slow and clunky. I do, however, enjoy a good elliptical workout which is I guess sort of the same sense of calm that you can get from running. In that sense I understand as the sweat streams down your cheeks and all you can do is pant and think and wait for that second wind. It takes something away from you and lets you breath... read
  • by CaryPohlhammer on 10/06/2014
    What I liked about this story was that it started out nice and romantic in the beginning but then evolved to being creepy as it progressed. The narrator was very eerie, and then took a quick turn after locking Emma/Katie in the house. Part of that situation, I did not see coming. The dialogue was written well despite a grammar error or two I saw. The imagery of the settings... read
  • A review of Abigail
    by telliott on 10/06/2014
    I love the writer’s use of alliteration. For example: wet leaves and waning light; wind whispering off the whitecaps; down her nape and nibbled away. No doubt exists as to this writer’s abilities and skills. Variation of sentence structure and length let the story flow. However, mistakes in punctuation and capitalization and some unnatural dialogue took me out of the story... read
  • A review of Monsters Inside
    by hickok113 on 10/06/2014
    When I first read the logline, I was disappointed that I already knew the serial killers’ name then it opened with a torture scene like a true Horror so I was interested again. I liked the screenplay. Your character descriptions were very good and your dialog never seemed to be unrealistic for each character to have said. Your formatting was very good. I liked the concept... read
  • A review of Thief In The Night
    by arthurharder on 10/06/2014
    An easy, straight forward read. The underlying theme was of unique importance to me, in an unexpected twist. I, too, have greatly struggled with eating disorders. Despite my own personal connection to the topic, I feel that a reader without a weird history around food wouldn't feel that emotional connection. Although they could sympathize with the pathos behind an eating disorder,... read
  • A review of Monsters Inside
    by ydnar600 on 10/06/2014
    Some thoughts as I read: Page 3 desert instead of dessert Page 5 unkept or unkempt...I believe it's unkempt Page 6 whole versus hole…this happens more than once Page 8 misses. versus Missus Page 22 you have introduced Valerie Venton twice Page 23 vodka doesn't really stink…it’s odorless Page 26 this moment about putting the finishing touches on reminds me of biff tannen in... read
  • by telliott on 10/06/2014
    Having read and reviewed Junk Food with the characters of Zed and Sheriff Judd I had a hunch where Katie was going to end up. Both stories were fast and enjoyable reads. I just think, with further tweaking, Breeze Blocks and Broken Glass can be great. First of all, great alliteration with the title. I did, however, have to look up “breeze blocks”. But would they be around,... read
  • by grendle308 on 10/07/2014
    Well, its super original. I can't say I've really ever read anything quite like this before. That's a good thing and a bad thing. It felt like a cross between Beetlejuice and Wedding Crashers, both of which were good. I feel the script suffers more from pacing issues than story ones. I think it needs a good dose of riding the wave of an audience's emotions, and a bit more... read
  • A review of Method to the Madness
    by blogan6814 on 10/07/2014
    First off, I want to say congrats on finishing your script. It takes a lot of work and effort to bring one in for a landing. That being sad, I think that you still have a lot of work to do. I liked the idea, it reminded me of lock stock, or Snatch. A gritty crime caper with great characters and often times funny moments. But it read more like a first draft, that needs a lot... read
  • A review of Truth in Advertising
    by TheRemedy on 10/08/2014
    Let's start off with all the good. Defined character goals. This is what seems to trip up a lot of amateur writers, having characters that don't know what they want. Here Abbey wants to get back at McNeil, McNeil wants to use Abbey to nab a client. This really helped move the story forward and feel like a quick read. The author gives us a good peak into the world of advertising... read
  • by RL Sterling on 10/08/2014
    APPRENTICE REVIEW: Paul, Okay, full disclosure, it’s my first time on Trigger Street. I can barely navigate the site, let alone competently submit a review. Hope this works. I’ll start with a joke. It’s relevant, so stay with me. Here’s the short version. >>An overbearing sales executive dies in a freak accident and finds himself at the Pearly Gates, but before entering,... read
  • by Anthony94 on 10/08/2014
    Just took notes as I read, just my thoughts throughout -- At the start on the first two pages, there's no point in having donald awake from that as a nightmare if you're going to jump ahead five years anyway, i'd suggest either showing it then jumping 5 years or have him have the nightmare 5 years later. page 4 - fairly well executed scene, i hope the repercussions... read
  • A review of Kill Ten
    by Adamrc on 10/08/2014
    Alright, there is no way to get around what I am about to tell you here but it must be said. You have a great deal of potential with this script, a great deal of it but where your problems lies is in the execution. And it is not even the execution of the story telling, characters, or the plot. There's one elephant in the room when it comes to the script and that is the length... read
  • A review of Ghost Sniper
    by micheleraedejean on 10/08/2014
    Halloween is almost upon us, this was decently told but given the real horror of this story I think it needs a little more punch. I was looking forward to reading a good tale from the rating this story got and it was written in a pleasant fashion. These are the errors I noticed: “sipping cognac and brushing there (their) coats. “ ”better than what the’re (they’re) getting now... read
  • A review of REDtest
    by hickok113 on 10/09/2014
    I thought the idea to use one room was good for ease of shooting and time for set ups. The beginning music was good. I thought the actress was good for what was required of her and she was attractive with a nice laugh. The red gave it a distinct feel. I was hoping for more than just her standing at the bottom of the stairs. Maybe having the three girls interact or something... read
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