• A review of Meat Girl
    by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 08/03/2014
    A very good short story. I felt it was an allegory of how society treats majority of people that are not in the in crowd. They only like ya when they need something. I like her journey in this story, being the outcast and then, offering to give herself to others just for a bit of popularity, just to finally fit in. But in the end, she just gave a little too much. And their... read
  • A review of Celebration
    by sangstercollins on 08/03/2014
    Celebration started a little awkward, a little slow... but really surprised me in the end. I was pleased with how about a quarter of the way through the cinematography and shot composition improved. Now, this could have been a deliberate choice by the writer and / or DP to shoot the start of the film very on-the-nose like the dialogue is, but when the dialogue loosens and is... read
  • by Rfordyce on 08/03/2014
    Let’s start with the good stuff. You’ve got a nice concept here: a kindergarten sleuth who inhabits his own world but pulls everyone around him into it. A tale of unrequited love involving a cynical femme fatale; a friendship which turns sour and is then reclaimed; a father-son relationship which starts off in hero-worship but runs into troubled waters; and a hoodlum who... read
  • A review of Our Danse Macabre
    by sergiev2 on 08/04/2014
    Dear Brian, I wasn't quite sure what to make of your narrative - at first. It seemed on odd sketch, folks eating turkey in ash and beating men in top hats. But it all come around in the context of metaphor. The people in the seats got to live! The only thing I would ask, as a reader, is you have gone to great lengths to create this world. Please occupy it with more character!... read
  • A review of Scene from Macbeth
    by VonNiederauer on 08/04/2014
    Shakespeare can be difficult for actors, so much is at risk. The stilted prose can have them walking a fine line between artist or arse. Thankfully, this short does not fail in that respect. The actor, delivered a solid performance, a believable accent and quite the kingly presence, even while wearing a skirt. The setting was, im guessing, a way to update it or make it relevant... read
  • by onz11 on 08/04/2014
    Very simple and easy to read. You might want to tell us more about the story in the synposis. None of the titles you listed fully matches your script. They do relate to kids but don't go along with the story, a title that would go with the story would be a title on the necklace or, this is a bad ex, Rocky's drinking problem. In my opinion the best title is simply Kindergarten... read
  • A review of JUNK
    by datho on 08/04/2014
    It was fast and entertaining read in terms of short and crispy dialogs and descriptions. With your minimal but right description, you force the reader to use his imagination and that's very good. DIALOG. I liked the dialog. Example: JONES: I wouldn't call it funny. KIT: Stay up here a couple of years, you’d be surprised what makes you laugh. I like this dialog. It shows two... read
  • A review of The Last Supper
    by xzilez on 08/04/2014
    Westerns aren’t my cup of tea. I didn’t think I would dig your screenplay but man what a ride. Your dialog is amazing and kept me reading through out. It reminds me of the Tarantino films. The only real piece of advice I can give you is that your story doesn’t really go anywhere. You need more tension and meat in this piece. The dialog isn’t enough to drive something like this... read
  • A review of Occasio
    by sangstercollins on 08/05/2014
    This script was a blast to read. I wrote in my notes that OCCASIO is "Inception's funnier, light-hearted cousin." Fantastic characters are emphasized with better dialogue and brilliant details. I especially love how our main character, Fuller, who due to his missing left pinkie finger comes up with a new reason as to how he lost it when ever someone asks. It's really fun to... read
  • A review of Semaphore
    by VonNiederauer on 08/05/2014
    When you read a piece this good it gives you hope. It is ironic that the feeling of "optimism" come from such a dark story but don't most comedians use their own pain as humor? Where do I begin! I knew I was in for something great when I saw the author's user name,Taijin Kyofusho, a Japanese term for social anxiety. The gut wrenching writing reminded me of the first time I... read
  • A review of Peace of War
    by Schism83 on 08/05/2014
    Hey, Cab. Just read 'Peace of War' and here are my thoughts and comments. This was a hard read for me. It's a good idea, but there are a lot of issues/problems the reader encounters all the way to the end. Below is an itemized list of things to consider. Some general notes, though: 1) when writing dialogue, it's almost always = He turned and said, "I don't care." = The... read
  • A review of Semaphore
    by cmcloughlin1218 on 08/05/2014
    This is one of those stories that makes you cry before you even start reading past the first page. I wished he would've held on to her or moved to where she was or at least lost his virginity to her. But, the story would've not been true to form and the rest of the pages before the end would've been for nothing. I am 32. I have a wife and two little girls but there was a time... read
  • by VonNiederauer on 08/05/2014
    First thing that struck me was that this was the most technically professional filming and editing I have seen so far. The sound was clear and the use of single colour effect was nice. The special effects make-up and casting of actors was great. The only thing that was a little confusing was the concept. Are they hunting the humans or the cars? The action moves too fast to... read
  • A review of Occasio
    by datho on 08/05/2014
    Well thought, well wrote screenplay. I was on page 34 when I checked the page count for the first time. I liked everything about this screenplay: dialog, characters, story… DIALOG. Short, cleaver, funny… Nothing on the nose or explanatory. I don’t have any complains. Very good job. I particularly loved the dialog on page 54. CHARACTERS. Fuller was a good protagonist; used... read
  • A review of Thinkin' Big
    by grimmfilmservices on 08/05/2014
    The production value was good for a zero budget film. The green screen and stock footage seemed to flow with the subject matter. This one felt like a former streetwise beatnik telling the younger folk his version of narcissism. Belief in one’s own abilities is fine, but the real magic in life comes with working hard and doing the little things every day. Case and point... read
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