• A review of An Experienced Woman
    by micheleraedejean on 12/30/2013
    This is a short little ditty about two guys talking about women and I their sexual experience. This isn’t a story and it isn’t 500 words either. Someone on this site quoted that “a short story needs a point” in a review I read. This has none. This was a waste of time but at least it was a short waste of time. I read another of this author’s short stories so I know he knows... read
  • A review of Myth, Manufactured
    by micheleraedejean on 12/30/2013
    It seems like something is missing here. The story starts out decently, then there is a strangely formatted paragraph and finally the story disappeared. What happened? I feel like there could have been a story here if the author had decided to fill us in on a few more details. There wasn’t much information on this Robin Hood he had supposedly been following for three years... read
  • A review of Tainted Spirit v4
    by mbryan1985 on 12/30/2013
    Horror, mystery/suspense... well it started out like it might be that way, but it got lost amidst the tonal inconsistency, directing in the script, and lack of focus. Rule #1: NEVER DIRECT -- unless you plan on directing this script, stop using "cut to", camera motions, and music suggestions. Leave that to the director. Now onto the story. The story starts off with a pair... read
  • A review of Tommy's Magic Puka
    by Mochila on 12/30/2013
    Lucy and Timmy travel back in time to altar their father's fate in this fast and charming read. The writing is clear, description doesn't mince with words almost to the point of shorthand but it works. I don't recall any errors except one misspelling of "whisper". The beginning presents a dark scenario with a war area scene and the death of a family member, but the tone works... read
  • A review of Yellow 6
    by johnturnbull on 12/30/2013
    The concept of this was good and the facts were very interesting. The way you blended those facts with a fictional tale was entertaining and made the story seem more realistic. There are really only two issues I have with this story. First, its length. After Faye left the story kind of went off in tangents that didn't really propel the story forward nor add anything to it... read
  • A review of Savage Blood
    by Jackleonard on 12/31/2013
    Savage Blood begins at a ferocious pace when Carru's parents are brutally murdered by fellow tribesman Tukupa. This is the beginning of a long line of savagery in a world where there is no reason or morality. The concept is it's strong point. I was intrigued by a world so unforgiving and wild where murder has no consequence other than vengeance. An eye for an eye seems to be... read
  • by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 12/31/2013
    The characters were definitely believable. I really enjoyed the way you showed personality rather than telling about it. The ego of Rocky was not only ridiculous, but hilarious at times, especially when he made that Tarzan remark regarding he’s a better swimmer. The dialogue was also very direct and useful to the story as well. The way dialogue was used was character building... read
  • by cheechee on 12/31/2013
    Great classic western tale with elements true to the genre and enjoyable to read. Your script is well written, very good narrative style, character development and dialogue. The major plot points are believable and bring conflict in well thought out ways. Some comments: Phonetically adding in accents and slang speech gets a tiny bit tedious. Suggest once a character has... read
  • A review of Savage Blood
    by Elkanabian on 12/31/2013
    I enjoyed this. The action was taught and the pace was relentless through the 2nd half. You clearly have a gift for suspense and action. This story and setting kind of reminded me a bit of Mel Gibson's Apocolypto - such a savage and harsh time. Carru's character was good. The reactions felt real, but I felt it still lacked depth. Given this story focusses on his survival... read
  • A review of Savage Blood
    by Jsparano on 12/31/2013
    If the point of this screenplay was to show how many ways someone can describe a head being cracked opened, it certainly succeeded. There is lots of gross and violent imagery in this script, and the writer has a good feel for description. The milieu is depicted exceedingly well, and through all the chase scenes and violence it was easy to follow. Apart from that, there is no... read
  • by mbryan1985 on 12/31/2013
    Overall the script was a quick read. The characters were able to stand out enough that they didn't mesh together. The big problem with the script happens right about half way through. You setup the characters, the goal, and the end game, but you bring the story to a complete halt when they hit Las Vegas. This is the point where things need to get harder for the hero to obtain... read
  • A review of Love, Inc.
    by 10pagesaday on 12/31/2013
    The first couple of pages and I thought this was too close to Hitch but by the end you added some real nice twists. The characters were pretty good. Dylan was the serious, strictly business type and the other lover was Rufus who was totally opposite in every way imaginable. Good deal. My only problem was Jackie she seemed kind of one dimensional. Besides her foul language... read
  • A review of Tainted Spirit v4
    by aminzula on 12/31/2013
    From your opening page I can see problems. Your action blocks are two long. The max amount of lines are 4 period. 3 are even better. Two Figures. Should be two FIGURES. (CON’T) in dialogue man? Page 26: Kitty grabs a handle from the knife holder and pulls one out. (Kitty grabs a knife) that it. There are far too much drawn out details, and is all over the screenplay.... read
  • by Jsparano on 12/31/2013
    This script starts out with some good characters, a good world, and some good secrets. Unfortunately, they are just sketches. The characters rely on a great deal of expository dialogue and many well worn conflicts. All the relationships are very thinly built, and are far too familiar to be interesting. The other problem is the secondary characters are just filler and get what... read
  • A review of Hunters
    by Karl Gorman on 01/01/2014
    As I was reading this I was thinking "You know, it would help with the authenticity if I knew what sort of weapon the hunters were using." So you can imagine my surprise at the end. The twist in the tail is good, but the whole thing does need more. I don't think you should give this a theme or philosophy because it is so short and that can interfere with the twist at the end... read
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