• A review of Dwelling
    by cynzen64 on 04/06/2014
    Interesting story! I enjoyed it immensely. I thought Carolee was well worked out and the twist at the end was unexpected. As were the drugs and alcohol. It reads smoothly and I found no punctuation or spelling errors, maybe because I became immersed in the story. Not what I expected at all. Carolee seems like a single woman who is getting her life together after turning forty... read
  • A review of Bed In The Straw v2
    by rujo67 on 04/06/2014
    I found this screenplay to be interesting at first but as the story progressed it became difficult to tell where it was heading. And the ending fell apart. I found myself unsure as to the meaning/message of the plot. I feel that the synopsis was well written but the screenplay, in my opinion, didn't follow the synopsis. The characters are interesting, individually, but they... read
  • A review of Yesterday
    by THS on 04/06/2014
    First note I wrote as part of reading Yesterday by John and Jason was that 10 first pages were really good. As the screenwriting literature points out, the 10 first pages are essential when teasing the reader to read further. But after making this note, I understood that it was not only the 10 pages but the whole package. Out of 100 scripts I have read this was one of the rare... read
  • A review of Bed In The Straw v2
    by Melinda May on 04/06/2014
    Engaging and easy to read, “Bed in the Straw” tackles mental illness in a meaningful and insightful manner. The story centers almost entirely on its characters, who are as interesting as they are likeable, and charts an emotional journey. The writer moves the story along at a good pace and segues nicely between scenes. Being fair to the subject matter, no happy endings occur... read
  • A review of Reaper
    by CherieClyne on 04/06/2014
    When I read the synopsis, my initial thought was that an ‘air force drone operator’ was a characters that I might not relate to or understand in his motives. However, I thought the story would be of interest because of the ‘emotional tailspin after accidentally killing a child’ (just to let you know my personal pre-reading judgement which is not very fair but also unavoidable.)... read
  • A review of Artificial
    by gridlock on 04/07/2014
    You wanted some advice on how to cut back on this, and I discovered you have a fairly easy task ahead of you. All you have to do is condense information in your sentences, you won't even have to cut whole scenes or pages. I did just one page here, and I was able to cut back by 55 words. In a 136 page script, you can potentially cut back by 4080 words if you only manage to cut... read
  • by sergiev2 on 04/07/2014
    You a nice little narrative here. It was great to see those pesky teenagers get their just desserts. But I have a few quibbling points to make. Firstly, it would have been nice to have some sort of resolve with the wolf creature. Yes, I know through proxy it forced him to confront the teengagers - but this is about someone inheriting a kingdom, and as such, it is a safe bet... read
  • by micheleraedejean on 04/07/2014
    Beauty and the Beast was a fairy tale about a homely creature being seen as beautiful in the happy ever after ending and the motto is beauty is in the heart or something like that. I didn’t get any correlation between the fairy tale in this story. The writing was clear but I didn’t feel like this offered anything new to the puzzle of why crazy teenagers take guns to school... read
  • by rexb99 on 04/07/2014
    What ARE you trying to do here Peter? I've read a couple of other things by you and they aren't like this. In the very first paragraph you go from present tense to past, then back to present and to past again. Don't do that, it makes me dizzy. Punctuation is dodgy right the way through. These two things make for a lumpy read. “Apart from the arthritic hip and the idle husband,... read
  • by micheleraedejean on 04/07/2014
    What an odd concept. This story channeled “Deliverance” and “Raiders” and stole a line from “Men in Black” but this silly story fell short of being a spoof of anything. It was just a nonsensical story that went nowhere. I am not a big fan of these kinds of stories or movies but I guess I am in the minority looking at the rating. I read it twice just to make sure I didn’t miss... read
  • by stokerrising on 04/07/2014
    It's hard not to conclude that English is not the writer's first language, however the story does have a certain poetic verve. For the most part the language lacks smoothness. In some instances like,"I collided my elbow into the area right between his eyes." the syntax is fairly rough. In other cases word selection is inappriate as in: "there were a lot of rotten apples... read
  • A review of The Tunnels of Mexico
    by Don Maess aka Wmson on 04/07/2014
    The good news: you have an enjoyable story and screenplay here, and with a relatively few flaws. The bad news: those few flaws are pretty significant and will require extensive revisions. Once again and as usual, I have tried to organize my notes into sections and probably succeeded only in confusing the issues, but I hope you’re able to take from me what I’m trying to give... read
  • A review of Bad News
    by writer546 on 04/07/2014
    It's a pretty well written story. The characters are really distinct and actually very relatable. The situation was too. Everyone gets that infamous call in the middle of the night and your mind always goes to the worst case scenario. I liked the way that you played with this. Lisa actually seemed like a lot of people that I know. I'm a teacher who works with people with... read
  • A review of Bed In The Straw v2
    by telliott on 04/07/2014
    Bed in the Straw is a character-driven screenplay. It has no car chases, no exploding bombs, no zombies, no vampires, etc. As such, I really wanted it to work because it does an excellent job of painting the individual personalities of its characters. However, these personalities need to intertwine more to bring the story along. First off, why didn't any member of Kathryn's... read
  • by moviexpert14 on 04/07/2014
    This was masterfully done. I've seen this battle done at the beginning of some French Foreign legion action film in the 60s but nothing ever this vivid. I love the multiple plots of it as a lot of great war movies usually have. The two legionnares were excellent. The Viet Minh female protagonist was another favorite. Also, you told a lot of truth in this. Like when Fong made... read