• A review of The Arrival
    by James Blackford on 03/28/2014
    As I read I looked for areas to critique, and it was hard to find. The only real thing that threw me was the narrative. At times it seemed like more of a “hey this is what happened and this is what I feel about it? Instead of a story format. Like… “You couldn’t trust anybody. But this one guy, his face was still so clear – the tank pushed his car off to the side of the road... read
  • by rexb99 on 03/29/2014
    As far as it goes, this is a decent sketch of a character and his situation that takes place in a very distant future. A strange time when travel between galaxies is common place for an elite class but the administrators processing their applications still use nineteenth century office implements. Charming. Something that Terry Gilliam might find amusing. (I would point out... read
  • A review of Hearing The Meat
    by James Blackford on 03/29/2014
    You have a talent for writing and your words show a natural ease for getting your intentions on the page. The mood of this story was thick and exactly what you had intended I think. You paint a picture of a solitary man, living with his thoughts in an odd situation that shape the way he views and feels about the world. The words used to describe this stay in the same hue as... read
  • A review of 8 Count
    by moviexpert14 on 03/29/2014
    I really love boxing movies and this would be another one of them if turned into film. It was something different and more a darker boxing story. I loved the villain of the movie. Typical hot shit champ who only gets ahead fighting chumps and avoiding fights with real contenders. The protagonist storyline was a lot like a Rocky with a little of Jimmy Smits Price of Glory which... read
  • A review of A cowboys life
    by rexb99 on 03/29/2014
    Warren, you've managed to draw an environment thick with atmosphere. I can almost smell the gator skins and the cow pens. 'course I've worked on a farm, so it's not too hard, with the help of your descriptions, to get my mind around the Rafter J. Very good. You have to be careful about tense; you have both past and present tense mixed throughout. Here's what I mean: 'I slid... read
  • by rexb99 on 03/29/2014
    Try to keep the identity of who is talking and who they are talking about. Here's what I mean: 'That’s right, the person who runs at the sight of a needle, taking out doctors and nurses in her path has written “get a tattoo” on my list,' In this sentence you would want to say "get a tattoo on her list' because, for the moment, you are quoting your character, as she refers... read
  • A review of Hearing The Meat
    by whiskeytango101 on 03/29/2014
    I was really looking forward to reading one of your stories, and I was not disappointed at all. HEARING THE MEAT is original, well-researched, intelligent, and ironic. I received my Masters degree from the School of Hard Knocks, and so I have very little knowledge of what is 'right' or 'wrong' with a story. I can only make assessments based on my level of enjoyment, and my... read
  • A review of The Arrival
    by micheleraedejean on 03/29/2014
    This was a nicely written tale about a man having a brush with love at first sight. The writing was good although at times it rambled off in different directions as if we were reading someone’s random thoughts about their life. The story was presented in a fairly believable way, although the airplane trip to win the girl seemed unlikely as well as the reason the girl said she... read
  • A review of Hearing The Meat
    by micheleraedejean on 03/29/2014
    It was a dark and creepy night at the meat plant! I’ve got to say you have a very active imagination to come up with this story. The concept of artificially grown meat has certainly been studied so I guess it isn’t out of the realm of being believable. Now saying this artificial meat has consciousness might be pushing it since I always thought a brain had to be involved for... read
  • A review of Reaper
    by JSANHUEZA on 03/29/2014
    Hi Michael, I just finished your script for Reaper. Congrats on the draft, I think you've taken what has been a widely used premise but attacked it from a new angle(from the pov of the drone pilot) and so found a fresh perspective. So well done. The things that I thought you achieved well were making your protag interesting and sympathetic. He's just a normal guy with an abnormal... read
  • A review of Bed In The Straw v2
    by eldave1 on 03/29/2014
    The author has a gift for dialogue. It is generally crisp, descriptive and in many cases clever. That is a good skill on which to build on. The structure of the screenplay really needs work. There are no definitive Acts, Plot Points or Catalysts for action (e.g., there needs to be a turning point that drives his desire to take on the mental health establishment, etc). It... read
  • A review of WITCHEVER
    by Casey Major-Lehto on 03/29/2014
    Catchy title! I wanted to get some more experience under my belt, so instead of waiting for more experienced screenplayer's to come my way through the assignment distributor I thought I should seek them from time to time. You were my first victim and this screenplay intrigued me. As an added bonus it is a collaborative piece with another experienced writer! A story about a... read
  • by James Blackford on 03/29/2014
    This was an awesomely written story, especially with so few pages to make it happen. It flowed flawlessly and is so far my favorite story I've read on this website so far. 5 stars... The only two technical things i'd point out is the bit where it says he's nineteen and he went to the bar, i'm not sure how that happened and also the "orgy" part, not sure when that happened because... read
  • A review of Monsters In The House
    by cynzen64 on 03/29/2014
    Great story. It ended differently than I expected which is always interesting. However, there were some awkward sentence structures. Plus, the story can be expanded a bit to explain why the mother acted the way she did, which was to only put locks on the door. Awkward sentences: 1) "The only things they still did together were with the horses." I found this awkward and incomplete... read
  • A review of Lightrunners
    by gromano on 03/30/2014
    I'll be completely honest. At first, I thought this was going to be another one of those corny sci-fi space pirate movies. I must say I was pleasantly surprised. The deeper I read, the more I fell for Kidd Williams and the more vested I became in the story. I had to let you know that before giving my notes because otherwise I'm sure my nearly 5 pages of nitpicking would give... read