Reviews

  • A review of Antwerp, Belgium
    by EliDonaldson on 08/24/2014
    Concept: A jilted American woman pursues her strayed boyfriend to Antwerp, Belgium where she befriends and enlists the aid of a hotel desk clerk. Characters: This feels like the weakest element of the story to me. Frederik is the best character in that he seems consistent, yet we unfold new layers of him from time to time in the story. Linda is the worst character because... read
  • A review of Night Moves
    by williamf129 on 08/24/2014
    Outstanding short short. Smooth, economic, descriptive prose. Perfect structure. Great scene-setting - the world(s) of the story. The backseat scene (so familiar to most teenage boys of the day, even if only wishful thinking for some!) really took me back. I could smell Donna's readiness. Exquisite detail of her disrobing. Great character set up. A driving yet evenly paced... read
  • A review of The Fifth Host
    by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 08/24/2014
    Awesome! This story was entertaining, fun and a very easy read. It started off with a man named Martin who created a woman to fill the void of his deceased wife. He taught her and helped her understand the world. And by the end, it came full circle and now, she would be the teacher. This was a very unique and fresh take in the sci-fi genre. I didn't find any errors in grammar... read
  • by williamf129 on 08/24/2014
    We have all witnessed this unfortunate scene in real life. The scene - the mini-world of the story - quickly paints the characters - if somewhat two-dimensional and stereotypical. But perhaps this ordinariness actually works in the context of the story. The same ordinariness - predictable, cliche behavior - sets up the necessary tension. Each character's actions and speech... read
  • A review of The Tainted Spirit
    by xzilez on 08/24/2014
    I review as I write. You have no title page. You need to fix that with your next upload. Also I noticed your formatting is off. It’s too far to the right. Maybe it’s the program issue. Pg.1 Christine (20s), perky girl, a fiery redhead, eats ice cream out a bowl with a small spoon. She talks on the phone with her friend. This makes less compact. You have a run on sentence... read
  • A review of Quentin Quits
    by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 08/24/2014
    I like the concept, I really do. The issue I'm having with this story is the balance between truth and fiction. Everyone sees Tarantino as an influence but he is such an anomaly. While I know that's not how he broke in exactly, I think you should look into what goes into breaking into the industry on general, cause that's really not what happens. Parody is great, but it's always... read
  • A review of JUNK
    by sundial83 on 08/24/2014
    Let me be perfectly frank, I did not enjoy reading this submission. The first ten pages are so baffling and incomprehensible that I about gave up all hope of being able to follow the plot or warm up to the characters. Whenever I review a screenplay, I read it twice from cover to cover each time. The problems I had the first time through were not resolved in my second reading... read
  • A review of Semaphore
    by telliott on 08/24/2014
    SEMAPHORE is a depressing story about a lonely and secluded man who remains traumatized by childhood sexual abuse. But it’s a very well-written depressing story. It sucked me in and made me glad I read it. Despite the huge chunks of text thrown at me in this story, I think it works. I would really like, however, to see the writer use more paragraphs throughout. Break up... read
  • by Russ2007 on 08/25/2014
    OPENING TWENTY FIVE PAGES: Questions you need to ask yourself: Do they establish the tone of the story? Do they set up the world this story is set in? Do these opening scenes hook and draw the reader into the world the characters live in? Are the opening pages written cleanly, efficiently and easy to follow? Are the character introductions long winded? STORY / PLOT: Is... read
  • A review of BROOMSTICK
    by philip halmarack on 08/25/2014
    You have a lovely concept here, with orphan children always able to pull on the heart strings. The blend of abandoned children, cuddly cats and witches with attitude all make for a fun read and a clever, animated film, The ingredients are all there and the story line flows very smoothly – it's only the dialogue that lets the piece down, certainly in the opening scenes. Things... read
  • A review of Occasio
    by Chris Hewitt on 08/25/2014
    I had to go back and look at the writer's introduction about this script once I had read it to make sure that this was a film script and not a pilot for a television series, because it unfortunately comes across far more like the latter. The reason for this is that it's more interested in being a part one with an eye on a sequel, which leaves the reader with a lopsided narrative... read
  • A review of THE MOURNING CREW
    by nesw on 08/25/2014
    I wanted to like this a lot more than I did. The premise is great with the death of John Lennon representing the end of youth for a group of twentysomethings. Unfortunately, I didn’t get a real sense for the friendship of the gang on their road trip. Everything that happened lacked depth. I know that might sound shocking, since you gave everyone a tragic backstory, but most... read
  • A review of BROOMSTICK
    by Debbster on 08/25/2014
    I enjoyed the lightness of tone and found the first act a breeze to read. Florence, the victim of a crooked orphanage operator, has the gift of athletic skills and is a natural winner, but she wants a family. Hilda, an ambitious witch, loses control of the magical tools that will help her reach her goals and adopts Florence for personal gain. The Game Master allows Florence... read
  • A review of Ironic Karma
    by Kristenwade on 08/25/2014
    Ironic karma has a very creative plot line that has not been done before. Lexa is a sexy character and her relationship with Jenna is steamy and intense. I liked how she has such a hard time accepting the truth of her gift and how she goes about testing it on her Mark to realize that it's really true. What I struggled with is how much is going on in the script. I felt that... read
  • A review of The Tainted Spirit
    by mcmason on 08/25/2014
    Thanks a lot of the opportunity to review your work. I enjoyed this script, and it was a nice break from a few other scripts that I ended up removing from my review queue because they were just so hard to get through. It looks like you have already gone through a few drafts, and this one needs a bit of work, too. However, I do feel like you have enough here to give you... read