• by Schism83 on 07/30/2014
    Hey, again, Film. Just read 'Fats Domino, P2' and here are my thoughts and comments. This was an interesting read. Much like 'Data Dump', I think you've got a really good idea, and I particularly like the Parents showing up at the end - unexpected and fun. Those damned crazy kids! I think the main problem I have with the story is that sometimes it feels more like a history... read
  • A review of Comet (v2)
    by NickLacey on 07/31/2014
    Whilst the idea was interesting, and the visuals accompanying the voice over, engaging, it was unclear who the audience is. The educational element suggests youngsters, particularly in the intriguing angle taken on the topic. However, the suggestion that the table was a poem was not clearly explained implying it is for an older audience who would more readily consider the poetry... read
  • A review of Squirrel Impossible
    by jjpsos on 07/31/2014
    Okay I have to say I sputtered with the story around 3/4 through it, though it finishes off in a sprint of action. Also I must remember that the story is for children and hence the content restrictions, so it's a challenge to keep an adult entertained within this context. That being said, there was enough substance in Squirrel Impossible to keep this reader hooked. One of... read
  • A review of The Mental Facility
    by micheleraedejean on 07/31/2014
    This was a decently told story about a teenager’s experience being in a mental facility. It seems like anger and violence issues would be more like something that would be dealt with in therapy or a juvenile delinquent facility rather than in a place where people with a fragile mental state would be put in but I suppose all these places are run differently. This reasons given... read
  • A review of Paul-pulation Bomb
    by JeffreyGonell on 07/31/2014
    Clear, concise, and enjoyable. Paul-pulation Bomb takes place in a not-so-distant future where the problem of overpopulation is rampant. Paul is the leader of a militia who are bent on killing ill people and the elderly as a way to cleanse the Earth. Paul informs his loyalest soldiers that has to leave the movement, revealing an ironic surprise. If he doesn't follow his own... read
  • by JohnnyCoffeen on 07/31/2014
    Running Notes (numbers = page numbers): 1. A great, gripping for page. Though I liked visualizing this in the style of black and white Sin City, you should probably leave that note out – it takes up space, it “directs” the script and it doesn’t enhance the story. Also, you should maybe make it INT. CHRISTOPHER’S SQUAD CAR - CONTINUOUS 2. Actually, this kind of regards... read
  • by jayb on 07/31/2014
    This screenplay for RISE OF THE CRIMSON SUN reads like a very rough draft – especially the second half in which events unfold without regard for plausibility and the conventions of story structure. The logline promises a story about a slave on a crusade to conquer the Middle East, but that doesn’t begin to happen until around page 80, when the story should be reaching for... read
  • A review of Meat Girl
    by aecaldwell on 07/31/2014
    This is a very original idea for a short story. I liked how imaginative this was. You did a good job of teasing out details and letting us empathize with the meat girl. I feel as if it were possible for a girl to be made entirely out of meat, these are the struggles she would face. The prose flowed nicely and it was darkly humorous. If I could make one suggestion, I would... read
  • A review of Lost Love
    by Schism83 on 07/31/2014
    Hey Cab. Just read 'Lost Love' and here are my thoughts and comments. This is an excellent idea. A very clever concept that allows the audience to assume an ending but places them in a completely differnt one at the finale. I'm not sure how I feel about the presentation, though. The story sometimes feels overly dramatic and, maybe, sappy. The angry stares, tear swollen... read
  • A review of JUNK
    by ramassey on 07/31/2014
    Hi I just finished reading your script for JUNK. I'll break this review down into categories Character- The characters were very good, all with their own motivations. I'm not sure what Jones brought to the story but it was refreshing that he turns out to be human and compassionate, Jess also was pointless. I think one problem with this story was a lack of conflict. I felt... read
  • A review of Korban
    by Schism83 on 07/31/2014
    Hey, Cab. Lo' and behold - I got your 'Korban' on my list so here are my thoughts and comments. I thought this was really good. You start with a strong setting but mysterious/ambiguous goal; you set up the Good Samaritan well while hinting at a greater significance and providing layered and good dialogue along the way; and then you take us into the great Hall, where we get... read
  • A review of Sin in Disguise
    by THS on 08/01/2014
    A story concept that involves school shooting is very contemporary and so heavy topic that it simply cannot be treated lightly. In addition to school shooting, Daniel takes other big elements like difficulties of same sex relationships into his story concept. These elements have been dealt before in movies, sometimes with big success, sometimes with less. Thus yes, the concepts... read
  • A review of JUNK
    by philip halmarack on 08/01/2014
    This screenplay starts in an assured way, with a setting familiar to any 'Alien' aficionados and you capture the moment really well. What's with the date on the title page? The use of 'continued' on every page is unnecessary. Using 'sounds computerized' so often (Pages 1/2) is overkill. Once or twice is enough- on and off - otherwise it grates a little. Same with Marshall/Woman's... read
  • A review of FICTION
    by Cab Coola on 08/01/2014
    John Galt deserved to die. I was really taken by your opening paragraph. I love these gritty stories of murder. This story, for me, was following the life of a suicidal/homicidal man. At first, I wondered if he were just doing John Galt a favor as he said at the beginning because he was slowly and painfully dying or maybe, he was at the end of his wit with the coughing and... read
  • A review of Haiku + 1
    by marley209 on 08/01/2014
    Okay, I have to admit, I laughed a little here. I think the concept is kind of clever (haiku+1) and there is an audience for this type of film. Can't say much about the production values, though, since there really weren't any. I've seen some of your films before and that could just be what you're aiming for (or just because this is an early one). But if you were to reshoot... read