"While one person hesitates because he feels inferior, the other is busy making mistakes and becoming superior."

- Henry C. Link


  • by williamf129 on 08/18/2014
    Because this is generally so well written, I will nit-pick. Needs a little more attention to paragraph structure, and dialog, such as it is, is a tad weak compared to the narrative prose. Ah, but the story! You set up a nice mystery, a building anticipation, the ancient letter a surprising reveal and then... the ship sails a bit off course: the provenance of the cabinet, it's... read
  • A review of Food Chain
    by williamf129 on 08/18/2014
    Ah, shit! What can I say? This was great. Way above average writing - clever, witty, with cool-descriptive (show don't tell) character reveal, supplemented by revealing dialog. Cool set up. You created immediate tension, and then provided instant gratification... everybody loves that! And then the real story is off and running. Cool seduction scene, and again, witeh great character... read
  • A review of The Rebellious Son
    by williamf129 on 08/18/2014
    Methinks that to write in this medieval jargon one dost need more informed chops than are on display here. The pretentious prose struggles for authenticity, but is hobbled by staggered syntax, disjointed ideas, and, ironically, the very lack of the authentic voice it vainly strives for. Ah, a redundancy perhaps! And then there is the ongoing problem of an absence of tense integrity... read
  • by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 08/18/2014
    Okay, this was something different. Your style of writing feels unconventional, I'll give you that, and boy do you have a voice! This story didn't quite resonate with me as much as I wanted it to. Your story jumped around and rambled a bit too much. The lack of focus took me out of the story and at times felt like you were just typing up a stream of consciousness, which... read
  • by micheleraedejean on 08/18/2014
    I swear I have read this story before, but since it says Revision maybe I have. Why do you have four sentences and half a page of blank space to start this out? If you need help with formatting surely you can find someone to help you. Yes “The Next Whisky Bar” is a Doors song but what did it have to do with this? This piece is crude and very unimaginative. This is totally nonsense... read
  • A review of Tales of Cilla IV
    by rya on 08/18/2014
    The rawness and intimacy of these anecdotes is what makes this series of Cilla so pleasurable to read. The reader is inserted directly into the mind of the protagonist and she is completely honest with us, which accelerates our connection with her. She has a distinguished voice, which is what makes this series incredibly strong. She captivates us because she is captivated by... read
  • by williamf129 on 08/19/2014
    I assume you are looking for a constructive critique, not empty praise. This a rich, yet well-worn, premise. To bring this one home, you really have to bring it home. That is to say, if (when) you reveal that your protagonist is dead, that reveal has to be startling! And that is pretty much the end of the story. Tie it up quickly, with a line or two, maybe a paragraph. But... read
  • A review of Junk Food
    by sergiev2 on 08/19/2014
    This story was fucking hilarious. I presume Zed was a nod to Pulp Fiction (and that Leroy was also black). I know we're supposed to give these reviews based on what we found wrong with the story and what can be improved - but there was nothing here I could make suggestions on. I thought it was going to be another hokey tale about a store robbery, but you took it in a wild direction... read
  • A review of Glimpse
    by cmcloughlin1218 on 08/20/2014
    Tom had one of those days. I've had a lot of zits in my time, but needless to say I've never been sucked into the vortex of my own body to become face to face with the machine that controls my vitals. The concept was original. I mean I know there are about a million variations of going inside of oneself but I can't remember ever reading or watching a story like this one, kudos... read
  • A review of Tri Deag
    by cmcloughlin1218 on 08/20/2014
    Cute story with a happy, funny, ending. I was skeptical at first but I remembered really liking the 'Science 101' story I read about six months ago and gave it a shot. I'm very glad that I did. The story was well told. It flowed easily and there wasn't any extra filler. There were no issues with structure. I didn't see any misspelled words or grammatical errors. The characters... read
  • A review of Next-of-Kin
    by williamf129 on 08/21/2014
    Flawless writing. Great visual sense-of-place and surroundings, although it could have been more evocative had you invoked some added senses - tactile, olfactory, sound - and used simile to extract their relevance to this story (nit-picking, but this story is so well done!) I understand this is excerpted for your novel (I've done it myself), but it plays out as a mere slice-of-life,... read
  • by williamf129 on 08/21/2014
    Okay, I know where you thought you were going with this little tale, but you've got a long way to go. This, unfortunately, is not writing. It is, as Truman Capote famously said of ON THE ROAD, this is not writing, it's typing. And not even very good typing. I never aim to be cruel in reviews, but I expect the writer to have put in at least as much time and thought to his or... read
  • A review of No Cure for Regret
    by williamf129 on 08/21/2014
    First, let's get this out of the way. If you wanted this considered as a short story, you should have written it as one ... not presented it as a screen-formatted excerpt from a screenplay. If this was its original form, you should have adapted it as a prose piece. In this format, it is not subject to the usual criteria applied to short story critiques. So... as a script excerpt:... read
  • A review of Junk Food
    by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 08/21/2014
    I love your characters Leroy really has a great voice and I enjoyed his dialogue. I wish the ending wasn't so on the nose, but then again it works. I wasn't so sure about the cook hanging Leroy on hooks while he was still alive, but the concept of getting him drunk to ease his pain yet its also the special part of his recipe; freaking brilliant. Love it! There are a ton... read
  • A review of EL RECUERDO
    by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 08/21/2014
    I gotta say, you have a knack for putting a reader into the world of your story. This felt like I was really in Mexico watching the story unfold. Great job there. Sometimes your descriptions take up a little too much room where some character development could be strengthened. Don't get me wrong, I like your characters, but some backstory could really help that ending punch... read
  • 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Next