• by cmcloughlin1218 on 09/27/2014
    This was a decent explanation of theology from an eleven year old boy. You stayed true to the concept that he was thinking about it and he wrote the composition. You did a great job not straying from the thought process of an eleven year old boy. It was a rant that we've heard before. The true question on everyone's mind. I have never died so I'm not sure the answer, but none... read
  • by tishanddavid on 09/27/2014
    OKAY THEN! Where to begin... I think the beginning intro forewarning the reader that you've basically decided to just post all your one liners and pre-notes - could/should have gone into your into notes. Im going to have to give this below average on structure as we both know this was a giant joke. But - hey the beauty is I'm the first to actually read it so no one will... read
  • A review of Normal People
    by tishanddavid on 09/27/2014
    I think this is the first of yours Ive came across. I think your writing is fine. You pull us in from the get go, an you plod along at a rambling pace, but within a few pages you really became a dozer. Theres a LOT of punctuation/capitalization an other syntax/format issues you need to look at when revising this. Again, you're a decent writer an you tell us a plain an straight... read
  • A review of Unconditional
    by tishanddavid on 09/27/2014
    Hi, there's another writer on here, also a woman, an she wrote something very similar to this where she too - tried to trick the reader into thinking the story was about something else. You've done a much better job then she did. Although, honestly no one on here really expects much from her anyway. If she hasn't already read this she will just be tickled pink. This was cutesy... read
  • A review of Antz Work
    by johnregan on 09/27/2014
    Antz reviewed by John Regan It appears to be more in screenplay style than short story but the writing is top notch and I am studying screenwriting myself so here goes my review. Story-level feedback The technical descriptive writing of the actions of the antz is skillfully executed. I can see the action in your short bursts with no wasted words or excess. I know how tricky... read
  • A review of Research and Prayer
    by cmcloughlin1218 on 09/28/2014
    I don't know why this was posted on Trigger street. I suppose you had your reasons, maybe to get a rise out of the leftists on here, or step up to a platform for Christianity. I appreciate the comparisons and I imagine that I would not have read this if it were not on the site. I however, do not think that this is the right place to post a research paper. We, as a site, have... read
  • A review of Hands Of Love
    by cmcloughlin1218 on 09/28/2014
    This story was not hard to read, it flowed very easily. The emotions and personalities of the characters were drawn well but their outer appearance could have been clearer. I am married, I've been with my wife for many years, around eleven, neither of us can remember. We have had our problems, serious fights and break ups, talks of divorce, but neither of us have ever been... read
  • by Karl Gorman on 09/28/2014
    I suggest you rewrite this in a version where the word 'scared' and 'terrified' never - ever - appear on the pages. (Or fear.) Whatever the feel of the story is, the word must not be stated. If you wan the reader to feel awe, never say awe. If you want the reader to feel anger, never say anger (or fury). Use words to describe his fear, which you have done to some extent. But... read
  • A review of Real Men Can Cry
    by micheleraedejean on 09/28/2014
    The emotional content of this story was very good. It had just the right amount, not too sappy and not wooden. It was a nice effort at capturing the emotions involved in a family after a tragic event. The formatting is off, as well as grammar and spelling but since this is several years old I'm sure other reviewers have probably pointed out the errors, there are quite a few... read
  • A review of The Great Song
    by theauthor on 09/28/2014
    This comes off a bit dry as a story as it is just a creation of another world and its description. There should be some action, some interaction of dialogue. Perhaps, focus on one being and his role on Nnn. I think you could come up with a better name, Enn or Nin, for example. The grammar was thrown off balance by italics and all caps. It should be Great Song. This is an original... read
  • by tishanddavid on 09/28/2014
    Hi John, this had some good moments. It moved along at a good pace an you really had me wondering what it was that was so terrible about those damned paint cans. I kept expecting that you were going to really turn this on its ear. Maybe we would find out the kid an his family are dead, they are haunting a house newly bought an being renovated years after their deaths or possibly... read
  • A review of When I Woke
    by tishanddavid on 09/28/2014
    Well, this was a quick read. I'm thinking that this is either a chapter from a larger piece or flash fiction. I generally cant stand a story that goes no where an it feels like we the readers are the writers guinea pigs. Like, hmm...I have this page or two...Ill just post it an hope that everyone loves it . This was very well written either way. The bodies turning to ash made... read
  • A review of Junk Food
    by telliott on 09/28/2014
    The title of the story really resounds with its theme. Junk Food – barbecue made from a junkie. Kudos. Some passages of dialogue were great. For example, on page 2: “Hankerin’ for a bear claw, son?” However, IMHO this story could use sentence structure variation. It also asks the reader to suspend belief in a lot of areas and uses a lot of superfluous words. Proper... read
  • A review of Track Changes
    by theauthor on 09/29/2014
    I liked the part about Facebook. I hate Facebook and will never be on it. they download spyware into your computer and track your movements. That being said, perhaps cell phone tracking would be better than red light cameras. I live near an intersection and hear the police and ambulance arriving daily. Same reason, someone tried to run the red light. In a hurry to die. Anyway,... read
  • by theauthor on 09/29/2014
    I get what you are trying to do and I have a feeling most readers won't like this because it is a tiny series of ideas and none are developed into a short story. We all have unfilled ideas and stories started but not finished. It's a good exercise, but why make us read them? Do you just want feedback as to which ones you can develop into a short story. An anthem of short stories... read
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