"Those who write clearly have readers; those who write obscurely have commentators."

- Albert Camus

Reviews

  • A review of Abigail
    by filmfamman on 07/24/2014
    The way this story started I thought it would be completely different. The drama was built up skillfully until the middle aged man showed the view through the Bay window of the bridge in Astoria, and then it seemed to take on a bizarre effect, when they suddenly kissed and embraced. I would have preferred more of a slower built up with a different ending. It almost seemed... read
  • A review of THE KID AND THE BIKE
    by sergiev2 on 07/24/2014
    Aiva, I would be shitting myself if cops stopped me while I was stoned. It's scary enough going though those things sober! Here's what I think: You have the bones of a good story here. Now it's time to flesh it out. What of this ex-con who carries guns, smokes weed and helps kids repair bicycles? Why is it that he went soft when the kid cried? He knew he was being manipulated... read
  • A review of Meat Girl
    by Cab Coola on 07/25/2014
    Oh, poor little meat girl. But someone has to sacrifice for the greater good. This was like the Donner Party going to high school. People get crazy when hunger takes over. The descriptions of the girl's physique were on point. I could imagine her as she walked down the halls and thawed in the classrooms, leaking on the floor. It was sad to see her excitement at fitting in... read
  • A review of Data Dump
    by aecaldwell on 07/25/2014
    The concept of this short story was phenomenal. As I read it, I sat there thinking about what a good movie this would make. This satire was funny to me because it mocked human living while using Aliens to do so. I thought it was particularly funny that they were Grad Students running social experiments on Earth. It was a very entertaining story. I think the dialogue could... read
  • A review of Necro Phil
    by Cab Coola on 07/25/2014
    Taking vengeance to the next level in this one. This story was a strange and gory tale of revenge that pulled no punches. Phil for the most part, seemed like a normal guy that's why I was shocked to see him killing an old lady and then digging up someones dead wife just to fornicate with it. And then after carrying out these acts, he returned to play father figure to a baby... read
  • A review of Meat Girl
    by micheleraedejean on 07/25/2014
    I tried to figure out what this could possibly be a metaphor for but I didn’t get it. This was off the wall and didn’t really seem to have a point, or maybe it's just my problem which is entirely possible. To say this character is “made of meat” doesn’t make her any different than anyone else as technically we are all made of meat. The writing is technically well done other... read
  • by shastina456 on 07/25/2014
    I liked the Zorb teenage Earth music connection. Then, on page nine, you wrote about the Nazis, and on page twenty, China. The story jumped around. I feel, your story would have been at its best if it was focused with a musical connection between the Zorbs and Earth's songs. The story did have its share of entertainment. I would have liked to know how the Zorbs transcended... read
  • A review of No Good Deed...
    by micheleraedejean on 07/25/2014
    This was a very believable story, at least based on the incident I went through with a friend (or at least someone I thought was a friend) that had many similar occurrences happen to this story. I have written a story based upon that person, unfortunately a true one (not that this one isn’t), that has many of the same creepy elements that this one had so it was interesting... read
  • A review of Data Dump
    by Sdrburgess on 07/25/2014
    The synopsis took my fancy immediately. The thought of people reassigning so much of their behaviours onto technology only to lose control of both is an entertaining thought. I liked the structure, switching between the two groups to create a contrast. However I'm not sure that I bought the realness in either of their stories. At the end of the first section with the humans... read
  • by Cab Coola on 07/26/2014
    You have an interesting tale here but I can't help but to think that this was a screenplay rushed into a short story. There were a couple times where you used 'our characters' and you also switched from past to present tense a few times as well. But I enjoyed the story and you have a very good imagination. The world you created for these racers was entertaining along with... read
  • A review of A Warrior's Life
    by Cab Coola on 07/26/2014
    When I read 'Caligula' I knew I was in for a blood fest. Although, the concept of this story had been done time and time again, about the gladiator winning his freedom in the arena, your action sequences were very entertaining. Your writing really shined in the fight with Maturi and Lynx. The blood, severed limbs and decapitation was vivid and I could see it unfold right before... read
  • by blueberryjim on 07/26/2014
    There were some really great things in this story. I’ll point out some of the stuff that I liked and then give you some suggestions that you could consider if you choose to further refine your story. First off I really like the premise of this story. I loved how the closer to Earth the Zorbatones got the closer to the modern day they got. It was like a science fiction history... read
  • A review of Shadow
    by sergiev2 on 07/27/2014
    Hey Ambrose, Your story was very curious. When did you decide to set it in New Mexico? It's one of my favorite states and have enjoyed it heartily through the years. But to your narrative! I don't know how many stories you've written. Your story suffers from convolution of language. You speak much while saying little. I had read multiple paragraphs and was only able to glean... read
  • A review of Tri Deag
    by williamf129 on 07/27/2014
    First, I found the story predictable from the introduction of the leprechaun. It was a give-away that denied the tale a sense of anticipation, and mystery - and robbed it of a surprise climax. A somewhat different narrative structure - one in which the meeting and/or 'identity' of the leprechaun was delayed - would have added this anticipation and mystery. Had the leprechaun's... read
  • by Cab Coola on 07/28/2014
    A very well written story about "Tris...triska... triska-something-phobia!' Hey F-ceska, this was another enjoyable read that I've come to enjoy from ya. Upon reading the title, I was wondering how you could 'F-ceska' this thing into a good story. A birthday lunch? But it was great. It wasn't just a birthday lunch, it was a intervention with Margery and the number 13. I mean,... read
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