"Drama is life with the dull bits cut out."

- Alfred Hitchcock

Reviews

  • by theauthor on 12/23/2013
    This was really good. It needs a little polishing. I can put aside that some elements seem borrowed from 'Se7en' but in a good way. The part about Marissa needs more detail. It isn't believable only because you make this part of the story too brief and too vague. Fill that part out a bit. Also, the title is barely mentioned. couldn't his first victim in the story say something... read
  • A review of The Call
    by micheleraedejean on 12/23/2013
    The writing is decent and easy enough to follow. Some of the dialogue is awkward sounding and not just because the author is trying to give it a bit of a James Bond element to be funny. For example “unhand me now or you will find yourself in more trouble than you couldn’t in-the-least imagine” needs to be changed, it sounds odd and is not funny. In another sentence a guy is... read
  • AEW Credited Review
    A review of An Experienced Woman
    by theauthor on 12/24/2013
    This review will be longer than the story itself. It seems that you may not have uploaded the entire story but only a page of it? This does not read as the introduction of a story, but only a joke. I don't see how you could not catch your own mistake. You just hit edit then delete and you can re-upload whatever you want here. But, as such, this is an embarrassment. It appears... read
  • A review of Donnie Mckavee
    by micheleraedejean on 12/24/2013
    This was a well done portrait of a selfish crabby old bastard that many of us have been around at some point in our lives. I feel like Donnie didn’t really get the comeuppance he really deserved based on the nasty behavior he exhibits before his life changing event happens. This unlikable coot seems to change into a better character a little faster than might really happen... read
  • by theauthor on 12/26/2013
    You are a good writer with an engaging voice.This story, despite its quality, needs grammar work. There are at least three paragraphs that were not indented and far too many single sentence paragraphs. Your dialogue has few beats and even less identifiers for many people. (I actually hate writing that part but the average reader has a span of about 4 sentences before they get... read
  • A review of Playing With Toys
    by MarcTwine on 12/26/2013
    This was a pleasant little vignette. I feel there was a bit of room for "back story"--- e.g. how did the dogs interact on non-toy day to day basis? And, more importantly, how did they interact with YOU? Did each dog have a personality that could be considered unique? (I know I risk accusations of anthropomorphism, but...). Something about their respective breeds might have... read
  • A review of Restoration
    by micheleraedejean on 12/27/2013
    This was a nicely written descriptive piece about a man reflecting on his life through the projects he has worked on around his house and yard. There is not a lot of action but the scenes are vivid with emotion. There isn’t anything in particular that I can see that needs to be improved on. Hopefully his home improvements will be better late than never enough for him to get... read
  • A review of Lucky Flakes
    by theauthor on 12/27/2013
    The basic frame-work of this story is good. The execution is riddled with problems. There are a lot of unnecessary paragraphs. Make sure each paragraph is several lines, not a single one. Also, if you are the narrator, don't rely on his inner thoughts. Show us, don't tell us. Foul language was not needed either. Tell the story straight out. The dream of cereal over-taking the... read
  • A review of Bobcat hunting
    by micheleraedejean on 12/27/2013
    I wasn't sure I would like a story with this title but it turns out what I didn't like had nothing to do with the bobcat hunting. Since this story is several years old I am going to assume that you have already been told that the grammar, punctuation and formatting are screwed up and you don’t care. Otherwise you would have taken it down, rewritten it and re-posted. It was... read
  • A review of Mojave
    by Karl Gorman on 12/28/2013
    Saying "sliver" of moonlight is potentially confusing because it looks too much like the word "silver." And by instinct a lot of readers will think it reads "A SILVER of moonlight." Simple change: say a "haze" of moonlight. If it is natural for a rattlesnake to bite itself when it is attacked, quote this somewhere. Because the male protagonist was not very surprised when it... read
  • A review of The Gold Lighter
    by micheleraedejean on 12/29/2013
    The descriptive writing was well done and I only found one error. It was on the first page and it is “threating” which should be threatening. I wondered how the deer “brutally tenderizing his face” interfered with the air bag functioning. I didn’t particularly care for the story as it was dark and dismal with mostly creepy characters. I am not really sure what the real point... read
  • by theauthor on 12/30/2013
    I enjoyed this piece a lot. It had great characters that stood out in many ways, excellent. I enjoyed almost every page. There was a spot before page 30 where it went a little bit long in telling a blackmail story that was simply background and started to derail the action. It seemed odd that there were no girl characters to speak of. The ending left me a little too tight... read
  • A review of Working Class Satan.
    by MarcTwine on 12/30/2013
    ...Generally quite good (though not engaging to me personally). Credible dialogue, given the age of the protagonists. An interesting "twist" at the end...Sheriff's son and all. Would have liked you to elaborate at the end. If even as an afterthought. What happened to the players: trial for the survivors? Sentence (or none) for the attackers? Though you have portrayed a heroes/villains... read
  • A review of Mojave
    by MarcTwine on 12/30/2013
    Not a bad effort. I live in West Texas. Snake IS eaten. But, usually, goat (not lamb) if you're in "pit" mood. I've lived in the Mojave -- seldom do parties last two days --- too damned hot/cold depending on the season. And, BTW, snake venom is inactivated by gastric juices. Nice try though. So, "believe-ability" based upon stereotypes misses the mark. Aside from gastronomic... read
  • A review of An Experienced Woman
    by micheleraedejean on 12/30/2013
    This is a short little ditty about two guys talking about women and I their sexual experience. This isn’t a story and it isn’t 500 words either. Someone on this site quoted that “a short story needs a point” in a review I read. This has none. This was a waste of time but at least it was a short waste of time. I read another of this author’s short stories so I know he knows... read
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