• A review of An Apparatus
    by rexb99 on 03/22/2014
    Jeez! As soon as I posted my comment thanking you for your review of my story (A Small Crisis of Faith) I got your story (An Apparatus) assigned to me. What did you do, write this one on your phone? I was confused, so I downloaded and read Myth, Manufactured, as well, just to see if it was the same. It's not. Myth, Manufactured looks like it was written on your laptop where... read
  • A review of Hunters
    by rexb99 on 03/22/2014
    I'm not sure why, but for some reason I was wonder what species these two were on page one by the end of the first paragraph. Perhaps it was their names. I had the feeling that these were anthropomorphized animals when Jart giggled in paragraph three. Also, On page one, if Kip sprints a hundred meters before Jart jumps from the bushes (twice) then calls out to him, he would... read
  • A review of The Flower Woman
    by rexb99 on 03/22/2014
    It's not often that you find prose that reads like poetry. It's nice for a change. I like stories that are strong on character. Though he is only mentioned briefly, you get a solid impression of Harry Peterson's personality which, in turn, illuminates the long and loving relationship the flower woman had with him. This is a nice piece of work that has been thought out and... read
  • A review of Coney Island
    by micheleraedejean on 03/22/2014
    The writing is quite nice and the picture of young love is beautifully painted. When the son is born I was wondering why the statement was made that he was replacing his father, his father wasn’t dead so wouldn’t the son be an addition and not a replacement? It just seemed out of place. The couple’s life is so briefly described that the story felt unfinished to me. It would... read
  • by micheleraedejean on 03/22/2014
    The story was crisply told and was filled with good descriptions of the characters and the surroundings. These young women seem a little too old to have their playing with dolls seem normal to other people. This was a nice little creepy tale about self-absorbed young women using some kind of witchcraft to get what they want and punish others. It sort of had a familiar ring... read
  • A review of An Apparatus
    by James Blackford on 03/23/2014
    I'm sorry but this one went waaaay over my head. The shift in perspective from Tremors to Charlie was confusing on top of not knowing what the heck was going on. You did well at some of the points by showing and not telling, but in other places you told the reader what a character was feeling instead. Overall this story doesnt make any sense and its very confusing. I usually... read
  • A review of Monsters In The House
    by whiskeytango101 on 03/24/2014
    I think this is a very good idea and I was surprised when I realized the monster was actually a family member. You nailed it by showing the reader what is so much worse than an actual monster: a bad human being. However, I think that it would be helpful to eliminate some of the sister's dialogue about math homework. I can see where you were going with that, to lead the reader... read
  • by micheleraedejean on 03/25/2014
    The opening line says the minute the priest was chosen to testify on Jimmy’s behalf he knew it was hopeless, what did he know was hopeless, his testimony? The story consists of a priest telling the reader how awful a man is but I think it would be more effective if we were shown an interaction between the priest and the man other than telling about the things he did wrong... read
  • by Karl Gorman on 03/25/2014
    This reads 100% like the first chapter of a novel (or novella or novelette). I did not feel like there was any central vivid concept or any payoff. Also the pastor - who is described as the protagonist on the synopsis, really doesn't do much in this body of text. If this is supposed to BB the first chapter in what is ultimately a longer piece of work - which is normally totally... read
  • A review of The Last Thanksgiving
    by micheleraedejean on 03/25/2014
    Stories about real people’s lives are my favorite kind of stories and this sounds like a true story. This is a sentimental story about an appliance repairman’s service call, and I venture to say one of his favorite memories. This was a well written story with no obvious errors and the sentiment was easy to relate to. It was a straight forward telling of a nice man in a non-glorious... read
  • A review of The Dining Room
    by writer546 on 03/25/2014
    You definitely did a great job with the characters here. They all had unique voices and were well delineated. It was easy to get caught up in their stories. The main problem I had with the piece is that it didn't continue. You have the beginning of what could be a really good comedy. I wanted to find out what happened next with all the strands of stories you presented... read
  • A review of Mojave
    by James Blackford on 03/25/2014
    I’ve reviewed a few of your stories now so I’m sure you kind of get the gist of how I go about it so I’ll just jump right in. I would assume that this is probably one of the later stories you’ve submitted on here because this is definitely better than the other two that I read, so you’re heading in the right direction, so good show on that note. I’ll prod this one a bit. So... read
  • A review of Quantum Effects
    by Karl Gorman on 03/26/2014
    Although the scientific terminology went over my head, I know there are science buffs out there that would devour this with pleasure. What I - personally - got most out of this was the characterization: the defiant philosophical protagonist, the self absorbed science teacher who gets names wrong and calls little girls sweetie, and the noble father - despite his brief mention... read
  • A review of Bubbles
    by micheleraedejean on 03/26/2014
    This is an old story and more than likely this review will be worthless but I read the story, as I have read many others I didn't chose to review, but rather than delete it and wait 24 hours to get a another story I am going to review it. This story is written by a very angry man but I am not sure why, only that he seems to be angry about everything. The quality of the writing... read
  • by rexb99 on 03/27/2014
    Hi Francesca, I don't think I'm really qualified to review prose as a writer, so I'm sending feedback on "Margery’s Birthday Lunch" as an avid reader. There are, necessarily, a lot of characters. I became a bit confused trying to retain all of the introductions fearing I was going to have to know them by name later in the story. This was then complicated by other things... read
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