Trigger Street Labs | Recent Comments

Re: heat_wave187

Fri, 3 Feb 2012 19:03:32 -0700

Posted by: mlambush

Congrats! I pass the spotlight onto you, sir.

Re: cmcwittig

Fri, 3 Feb 2012 17:38:51 -0700

Posted by: rz_sain

Hello, sorry for the late response, but thanks so much for your review of Subsistence. As for your question of whether people of the era depicted talked as they do in my story- I have no idea! I hope so, but if I am to consider research material, I suppose the most contemporary look back would be Deadwood, and that wouldn't really work very well so I am happy not to really find out. I see you're new here at Triggerstreet, so welcome! I do hope you enjoy your stay and find it useful too. Look forward to reading your stuff sir

Re: kristoferatkinson

Fri, 3 Feb 2012 16:51:08 -0700

Posted by: Michael Keller

Thanks for the thoughtful notes!

Re: kristoferatkinson

Fri, 3 Feb 2012 15:32:50 -0700

Posted by: kristoferatkinson

Jnasty1979 wrote:

Thanks alot for your review of Colter. It's always awesome to receive positive comments from someone you're not related to, lol.

Absolutely! I really enjoyed it! I would like to get your input on one of mine as soon as I finish if at all possible. Forewarning, I am a visual artist and not to much of a writer... I can see what I want but it's sometimes hard for me to get it on the page... lol

Re: dogfur

Fri, 3 Feb 2012 14:47:32 -0700

Posted by: reedmarcotte

Thanks for the review of the Baseball Mom. I see you're new. I can tell.

Re: jayelveejr

Fri, 3 Feb 2012 14:41:59 -0700

Posted by: wlawrence

Hey -- thanks for the review of Douche Patrol. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I find it can be hit or miss; the absurdity works for some, not for others. You had some good observaations and have given me some things to think about. Thanks again.

Re: esporter

Fri, 3 Feb 2012 14:31:41 -0700

Posted by: brookline

Thank you for the feedback on my query letter. I used the suggestions you gave in my letter.

Re: ProfRedSweater

Fri, 3 Feb 2012 11:52:26 -0700

Posted by: wlawrence

Hey -- thanks for your thoughtful review of Douche Patrol. You brought some good things to my attention.

Re: Reeled In

Fri, 3 Feb 2012 11:35:08 -0700

Posted by: Tesssa

I liked it. About originality... I agree, the idea in itself doesn't need to be interesting as someone will always find something else which is at least similar. If you're passionate about a project, you should go ahead and make it, even if only for the exercise. Originality and innovation should not be a goal in itself.

Re: mysteryman333

Fri, 3 Feb 2012 10:04:43 -0700

Posted by: Jnasty1979

Thanks for taking the time to read Colter. Glad you liked it, despite the typos, lol. It's amazing how often you can read over the same material and miss the simplest things. But overall, good review. Most of it was spot on.

Re: Tripsheet Revision

Fri, 3 Feb 2012 09:25:13 -0700

Posted by: keokuk

Thanks so much for your review of my short story - I thought it had entered the dead zone on Trigger Street, but happy to see it's still being read. If you want something longer, I would love to have a review of my 'short' story, Crossroads, at http://labs.triggerstreet.com/short-story/crossroads Thanks so much, I look forward to reading your work!!!

Re: mmckean

Fri, 3 Feb 2012 08:34:26 -0700

Posted by: doonae

Hey mate - thanks for the review of Optimistic 9. The story was bascially that the guy perfomred a house invasion and the girl was subjected to all manner of nastiness, but with the help of a benevolent force she took the happy place that she went to and brought it in line with the real world. (or did she?) Thanks for watching! Chris.

Re: nick74

Fri, 3 Feb 2012 08:31:38 -0700

Posted by: doonae

Hey Nick - just a short note to say thanks for the great review of Optimistic 9. Very glad you enjoyed it. It was a pretty insular story and I tried to shake it up with the varying locations - I actually put off filming for 3 months so we could get the blooms in the yellow field! All the best mate, Chris.

Re: Cheyenne30

Fri, 3 Feb 2012 08:29:28 -0700

Posted by: vieira4

Hey, thanks for the review. I am very glad that you enjoyed the story. Happy to clear up a few of the confusing elements of the story! Before I do, let me say to readers of Cheyenne's comments - spoiler alert. If you have "Devolution" in your assignments, probably better not read this until you've read the story!

The central point of the story is the mystery of Stephen Akwasi's true identity, but I've discovered from my reviews - to my delight - that you don't really need to crack it to enjoy it. You'll notice at the end that Connor (who is the captain of Mostatyn Rangers, not the head of the Welsh FA!) calls Stephen 'Mario'. People who follow football would probably already have figured out, by that point, that 'Stephen' is actually a Ghanaian-Italian footballer called Mario Balotelli.

Balotelli plays for Manchester City in the English Premier League, so I figured that if he played for a minor league Welsh team and nobody found out, he wouldn't get into trouble. In the story, Connor was the only person to figure out who he was, but I think that's quite fanciful, actually, as Balotelli is one of the game's biggest stars. I just wanted to write a "what if?" kind of story.

Balotelli is banned at the moment because he allegedly stamped on Tottenham's Scott Parker. He says it was an accident (he was being pushed in the back by Luka Modric and trying to get his balance) and the video evidence is inconclusive. (Some people reading this comment will violently disagree with me on that - if that's you, I apologise, but to me, the fact that everybody is arguing about it shows that nothing is certain!) Manchester City didn't appeal the charge of violent conduct because if they failed, the FA had the power to extend the ban from four matches to five. This is a stupid rule IMO, but never mind. The next game Balotelli is eligible to play in will be the Europa League match against Porto, in Portugal, on 16 February.

Balotelli has a reputation for doing odd things. It's not known how many of the stories are true, but he is meant to have written off an �110,000 Audi in one day, paid for the petrol of everybody waiting at the garage as well as his own, and given �1,000 to a homeless guy outside a casino. I therefore figured that he would do something as weird as driving over the border and playing football in Wales while banned. When Connor refers to "why always me?" at the end, he's talking about a T-shirt that Balotelli showed to the cameras after scoring against Manchester United in October - apparently disputing the validity of some of the stories about him. It is well documented and proven, however, that he set fire to his house by lighting fireworks in the bathroom, and put �200 in a church collection plate at Christmas :D

I probably just gave you too much information, but I hope this makes everything clear!

Re: f-ceska

Fri, 3 Feb 2012 08:08:33 -0700

Posted by: Tripsheet Revision

Since I'm not taking three months off after all, I'm looking forward to the appearance of more of your short stories. When quality stories appear in my 'in box' my spirits rise remarkably. So, get those fingers on that keyboard, woman! Just kidding, but not entirely. Have a good day. Tom

Re: Han Shot Second

Fri, 3 Feb 2012 08:01:50 -0700

Posted by: Tripsheet Revision

Thanks for your review of The Hill Wife. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Re: Paul Clarke

Fri, 3 Feb 2012 07:59:28 -0700

Posted by: RaimisAsh

Paul,

Great points about Exhume! It is actually the next film I'm making. Just wanted to get some initial reviews of the script to see where I'm at. I wrote it in two weeks, because I had to! The money didn't come in yet, so I have time to go in and make several rewrites (without having to do it on the set : ) Your feedback was informative and just what I needed to make the story better. I really appreciate your attention to detail. Thank you so much!

- William

Re: RaimisAsh

Fri, 3 Feb 2012 07:46:35 -0700

Posted by: crossroads79

Thanks for the thoughts on Ashland. You made some excellent points and suggestions to remember when I'm working on the next draft. I'm in complete agreement about the flashbacks, btw, and they've been cut during the last go-around. Good luck to you and congrats on 180.

Re: olufemi

Fri, 3 Feb 2012 06:42:43 -0700

Posted by: crossroads79

Thanks for your time and thoughtful review on Ashland. I really do appreciate it. You make excellent points all around and left me with much to consider when I sit down to it again. And thanks for the kind words that were sprinkled in there as well. Take care and good luck with yours.

Re: gridlock

Fri, 3 Feb 2012 06:36:53 -0700

Posted by: postmortem

Thanks for the read & feedback on Holstein, grid!