Other Reviews by ron gannon 135

• 
  Another Fun Read.
  A review of The Tailgater
  by ron gannon on 01/17/2013
  Fun read that was easy to follow and entertaining except maybe for, maybe, a little too much torture. Well written. I’d delete the comma after pure – top of page 1. It’s not needed. The ‘white anger’ is somewhat confusing. Is that a racist comment? “With an ease Stephen only hours ago would not have thought possible, he reached into his front pocket and brought out his favorite... Fun read that was easy to follow and entertaining except maybe for, maybe, a little too much torture.
  
  Well written. I’d delete the comma after pure – top of page 1. It’s not needed. The ‘white anger’ is somewhat confusing. Is that a racist comment?
  
  “With an ease Stephen only hours ago would not have thought possible, he reached into his front pocket and brought out his favorite Christmas present from his granddad.” This sentence needs a little work. You’re a good writer – I’m sure you can see what’s wrong.
  
  
  Just a suggestion to think about.
  
  When he looked in the rear view mirror he couldn’t make out their faces.
  
  When he approached from the driver’s the passenger’s face was turned to his right.
  
  The knife was given to him by his older brother who always teased and sometimes did crazy things.
  
  After Stephen finishes with the driver, the passenger turns his head - it was his brother.
  
  Just a thought for a surprise ending. I do think this needs one.
  
  All-in-all an excellent story. read
• 
  Review of Bobby.
  A review of Bobby
  by ron gannon on 01/17/2013
  I had to read parts twice to figure out what was going on. Then at the ending I had to go back and read up to the ghost showing up. A very confusing read that should have been a simple one. Not much going on and a lot of poor and unbelievable dialogue. Also many times it was confusing as to who was talking. Consider using – Billy said – or – said Johnny when it’s not too clear... I had to read parts twice to figure out what was going on. Then at the ending I had to go back and read up to the ghost showing up. A very confusing read that should have been a simple one. Not much going on and a lot of poor and unbelievable dialogue.
  
  Also many times it was confusing as to who was talking. Consider using – Billy said – or – said Johnny when it’s not too clear.
  
  I suggest less description of the dead cop - 14 sentences, to me, is too much and not interesting.
  
  Also, something unusual like Johnny’s knife connecting or thinking it did but no blood or reaction might be interesting.
  
  “You’re not allowed to lay a finger on us.” doesn’t make sense. Cops are not allowed to protect themselves from criminals trying to stab them? And did the criminals go to the station and file a complaint?
  
  The grammar and punctuation were poor. To list just a few: twice you had ‘were sat’ consider ‘were sitting’ or just ‘sat’. Their easy meant, you (They’re). .‘You’re on our ground. You’ll have to pay a fine (period and quotation mark missing.)
  
  Also confused by he fell to the floor – what floor?
  
  Proof read. You have:
  
  ‘Yep, noticed your crow. He’s not up to much. Should
  have
  
  spotted me five minutes since.’
  
  read
• 
  Loving Memories.
  A review of Yesteryear
  by ron gannon on 01/13/2013
  I thought it was entertaining and well written. I suggest giving Amy’s age, in some way, during her visit to her grandparents. I also I was curious what state the grandparents lived in. For the most part it was easy to follow. Two sentences did confused me: ‘They could not even get free to walk safely around their homes.’ and ‘I patted and made over him.’ (the made over part... I thought it was entertaining and well written. I suggest giving Amy’s age, in some way, during her visit to her grandparents. I also I was curious what state the grandparents lived in.
  
  For the most part it was easy to follow. Two sentences did confused me: ‘They could not even get free to walk safely around their homes.’ and ‘I patted and made over him.’ (the made over part of the 2nd sentence)
  
  Good luck with your writing.
  read