Your writing is excellent, very professional, clear and straight to the point. No long paragraphs of needless information which made this a breeze to read through. Itís probably one of the quickest screenplays Iíve read.
The story was fairly standard and nothing ground breaking but that can be said for nearly every slasher on the market nowadays. The most important thing, however, is that this was fun. The interaction between the characters was the strongest point of the script. I laughed at many of the lines and was counting the pages til the next guy made a joke about the size of his or someone elseís private parts.
You handled the two time periods well. The dialogue in the scenes from 1692 sounded natural to me, although Iím far from an expert on that subject. It did confuse me for a minute when George said he had been waiting 300 years for this, and to be honest, it still isnít 100% clear to me. Maybe you could add a few lines of dialogue to fully clarify this. The opening scene was powerful but little else happened for another 40 or so pages, which runs the risk of disappointing slasher fans.
Characters were good. The dialogue helped immensely with that. Dana, however, came across a bit flat in places. There were times earlier in the script when I was wondering why her friends put up with her. Like when she completely over reacted after the ghost story and wanted to drive home, it didnít do anything for her character. In a good number of her lines early on, she did nothing but moan and question things. There are other ways you can show her having fun with her friends while showing the problems she had with the letter are still on her mind. First impressions are everything, and I canít say I liked Dana in the first 30 pages. In contrast, later on in the script, she shares a joke and laughs with Jack while the killer is in sight standing by the boat. Talk about bad timing. The end result was, when she was tied to the stake, I didnít really feel bad for her, which I should do as sheís the lead.
The only other character I had a problem with was Billie. He is our main bad guy but I donít think we really got to find out how scary he really is. There was a great opportunity for some suspense when Jack and Dana found the earrings while he entered the house. Instead of a chase around the creepy old house, or even just them hiding while he passes by only a few feet away or something, they bail out quickly with only Jackís jacket getting caught in the window the only obstacle. Also the name struck me as rather odd. Billie Piper? It was hard to imagine a psycho killer called Billie Piper when he has the exact same name as the famous English Ďactressí or pop star, whatever. Maybe die hard Dr Who fans will find this a little distracting, it was not a major problem for me but Iíll mention it incase it does bother others. The rest of the characters did their job, Monica did seem a bit odd as she wasnít scared when the killing started but other than that, you did a great job.
The death scenes satisfied me. Special mention for Sandy running into the blades she found earlier. That was different and unexpected. I also liked the nail file in the eye death, it was a welcome change from the axe. All the deaths were very sudden though. There wasnít much in the way of long chase scenes or suspense or tension before the deaths. Maybe you could someone trying to escape in the car and Billie giving chase in his truck or something to mix it up a bit. Or a longer, more suspenseful scene in the junk yard as Billie tries to find someone hiding there, maybe have someone fight back and get the better of Billie at one point. Things to consider anyway.
Small note, I didn't find much mistakes but I wasn't really looking. I did notice two cases of you using Nitin's name in the dialogue when you were meaning other characters. Nitin should be George on page 13 near the bottom and Nitin should be Tom on page 42, last line of dialogue.
Overall, I was very pleased that I got to read this. It was very professional writing from someone who obviously knows what they are doing. It was a fun read and a very quick one at that. Well done!
Review of: Hudson Falls
reviewed by 1987brian on 07/04/2009
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