Review of: The Last Week of Summer 

reviewed by latent-28 on 11/14/2011
Credited Review
latent-28
A ghostly love story Credited Review
A ghostly love story, well written. A neat twist on 'Sixth Sense' - the ghost doesn't know they are a ghost, but here the boyfriend has to keep his dead girlfriend from discovering her ghostly reality for a week.

And on that week the described dates the couple have are cute and romantic (the colorful locations described well). But you describe the script as Romance/Comedy/Drama, and so for me (and for a potential audience) more comedy and drama is needed. Yes the last 10 pages are dramatic but that's just ten minutes of screentime.

Some specifics:

I think you need to give surnames for Angela & Sam at the start (you have them at the very end), and some physical description (on his first appearance we get description of Sam's car but not him). Also descriptions for all secondary characters i.e. Jade and Jen are decribed, but not Sam's Mother & Brother, who don't even have first names.

There is a lot of unnecessary shooting direction ('we see', 'shaky camera', FADE IN/OUT's, POV e.t.c) and also a lot of subjective feelings that go against the standard for spec scripts. Rather than saying 'memories fill his empty eyes' (for Sam) you could have a brief flashback of Angela.

Page 14: don't need the line 'just as Sam requested', we get that from the dialogue.

I was wondering throughout if Sam can feel Angela when he touches/kisses her, then on page 82 he tells Angela that he can 'almost feel'. Maybe this should be expalined earlier.

You use the phrase 'Sam's Mother's car' a few times and it is a bit jarring.

Jen's line: 'currently sustaining the damage of lo(o)sing her' doesn't sound natural for a teen girl.

I think the Park Montage is too wordy.

Corections:

Page 10: (O.C.) should be (O.S.)

Page 29: 'an angry sigh'

There is originality and much potential here, but I think you need to ramp up the stakes and/or comical situations.

All the best.

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