Review of: A Gentleman's Game 

reviewed by John Quest on 09/24/2008
Credited Review
John Quest
A Meaningful Message Credited Review
Review of “A Gentleman’s Game”
9-22-08

Hey Kevin

Hope all is well and going good.

My review;

Page 3.
When you make the introduction of characters could you be more definitive weather they are black or white?
Due to the premise of this script (Ethic issues between blacks and whites) it would help to know the skin color of the characters.

As of page 21, I feel there is a lot here I do not understand at first, not knowing to much about Rugby and all.

The story starts to get my interest at page 20. I can see there is going to be a coming of age ethnic story here, it should be interesting.

The part where they bronze his shoes I was kind of expecting them to give him a bronzed dick. However that is just my comedic side.

Page 31 dialog needs work.
“GORDON
No. I don't want to anyone to know
about it.”

Page 54
This is a good, very predictable story. It shows your talent as a writer, is able to convey the vision to the director.

Somewhere in the script I would like to see Everett filling out a paper to the World Rugby Federation, where it asks for his name, age, nationality and race (“Race”___________). Tight shot on the pen and paper as Everett fills in the blank with “HUMAN”.

Page 83 dialog needs work
HASTINGS
I wasn't sure we'd being seeing you
today...

Page 85 Transition issue
GORDON
It just kind of happened. It was a
long time ago.

HANNAH
You were a policeman?
Not sure how she would know he was a policeman?
Consider adding a line for Gordon telling her that he was a policeman, working a demonstration in Sowetto 19??.

Page 100
We are about to enter the losers win scenario, very dependable and works well.

Another surprise they don’t win and Gordon doesn’t get injured.

Many of the issues in this script, focus on weaknesses of humanity.

The only problem I saw was the part about Hannah making a move on Gordon. Not sure if this works for her character.

Excellent Job enjoyed the read.

JQ

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