Other Reviews by sibryce 80

• 
  Old gag, but a new twist
  A review of The Sown
  by sibryce on 11/18/2010
  Well, if someone was ever going to borrow so heavily from "Alien", this was a good way to do it -- by changing the creature very dramatically. I also commend you on the idea of making highly evolved fungi the final culprit, as there's probably nothing more dangerous than that which doesn't intend to be dangerous. Other than being highly similar in tone and premise to "Alien"... Well, if someone was ever going to borrow so heavily from "Alien", this was a good way to do it -- by changing the creature very dramatically. I also commend you on the idea of making highly evolved fungi the final culprit, as there's probably nothing more dangerous than that which doesn't intend to be dangerous. Other than being highly similar in tone and premise to "Alien" -- which we covered already -- the only problem I can think of, is that a lot of this story could have been removed, and the same effect made. Now, drawing the story out does enhance suspense in a lot of ways, but it also tells the reader things he or she has already figured out -- or worse still, give them a chance to get ahead of you. read
• 
  Compelling but really confusing
  A review of Twinkles Rev.1
  by sibryce on 11/17/2010
  You do an excellent job of transporting the reader to 1950s Connecticut, and the characters were both real and interesting. However, transitional writing doesn't seem to be your strong suit -- there were a lot of times when you changed scenes extremely abruptly, and I had no idea what was going on. Possibly the worst example of this, is the bit near the end, where the narrator... You do an excellent job of transporting the reader to 1950s Connecticut, and the characters were both real and interesting. However, transitional writing doesn't seem to be your strong suit -- there were a lot of times when you changed scenes extremely abruptly, and I had no idea what was going on. Possibly the worst example of this, is the bit near the end, where the narrator seems to be getting beaten up by a priest one minute, and then the next he's playing piano in a club, safe and sound (or am I the one missing something?).
  
  You should also remember that each new line of dialogue, starts a new paragraph -- you had paragraphs where multiple people were talking, and that's especially confusing when you don't always mention who is speaking.
  
  So the story itself is very good, but these kind of technical problems make it an incredibly hard read. read
• 
  This is it?
  A review of Koz Baker
  by sibryce on 11/15/2010
  Don't worry, that's ultimately a good headline; it means I'd like to see more of this story. This is definitely a very quirky and darkly funny story. Even to someone like me, who knows little about baseball, it was very easy to understand because what little jargon you use, you break down into universal terms. More importantly, of course, you focus more on the people, who... Don't worry, that's ultimately a good headline; it means I'd like to see more of this story.
  
  This is definitely a very quirky and darkly funny story. Even to someone like me, who knows little about baseball, it was very easy to understand because what little jargon you use, you break down into universal terms. More importantly, of course, you focus more on the people, who are both entertaining and very real.
  
  The only complaints I can make are mostly minor; there are a couple of times when a new character speaks in the middle of a paragraph, which is an easy nit-pick to fix. Also, as I said, the story feels like it just stops, in what would be the end of a movie's first act -- this is when you've explained who the title character is, why he's important, and set up that he might very well fix the baseball team... and you just drop the whole thing.
  
  So whether you expand this story, or just do a sequel, please PLEASE write more about this! read