Review of: i WanT tO kiLL 

reviewed by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 09/24/2009
Credited Review
A promising, original, black comedy Credited Review
"i WanT tO kiLL" is an engaging story about a young man's unsuccessful attempts at killing, and his eventual metamorphosis. The pacing in excellent, it gradually builds up steam as you turn the page. It's a funny, nasty, script that's hard to put down.

Chris Simons does a great job of getting the reader to root for Ned, a simple-minded half-wit trying to find his way in the world. I found myself sympathetic to Ned's plight & couldn't wait for him to complete his transformation, which, in some ways, is actually quite disturbing. The characters around him, and the world he lives in, is disgusting. Ned & the Teenager he befriends are the only characters with any redeeming qualities.

The foreshadowing with the lighter fluid, Harry's jacket, the shades, & the motorcycle are great little details that flesh out characters & the story. It adds depth & that helps the script stand out from typical black comedies. Nice work!

The script is heavy with voice over but it serves the story well. I did catch a few minor pieces of dialogue that could use some editing.

Here are some things to look at:

On pg. 9, "There's a lot of anger inside of me" is unnecessary IMHO. It's obvious by Ned is full of repressed rage when he smashes the picture, lights everything on fire, & flicks the roach away.

On pg. 19, "This shall be fun, Ned" doesn't fit the syntax IMO. Consider "This'LL be fun...".

On pg. 85 "I removed your bullets" sounds odd as well, a simple "I TOOK OUT..." sounds more natural.

Also, I noticed that you didn't put CONT'D when the same character spoke over descriptions & action. Again, a minor detail, but something to look at.

Overall, great job!

Other Reviews by **DELETED ACCOUNT** 3429

  • A review of Totally To The Max
    by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 07/25/2014
    After FADE IN: what does "SUBURBS, NORTHEAST USA, MID 80s, END OF SUMMER" mean? If the writer intends on that text being seen on the screen then it needs to be preceded with SUPER: "SUBURBS, NORTHEAST... Page 1. There is an extra space between Mamie's dialogue and the parenthetical (to Allison). Putting this reader on guard for more problems. An experienced reader is jarred... read
  • A review of Reaping Profit
    by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 07/24/2014
    'Reaping Profit' was a very interesting take on the subject of life/death & heaven/hell with an absurdist/comical approach and some hilarious situations. That being said, there were some things I had difficulty with, along with some structural issues that made this a difficult read for me. As far as the characters, the only one I really was concerned with was Jack. Death and... read
  • A review of P.A.M.
    by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 07/15/2014
    P.A.M is an entertaining, high-octane, fast moving zombie picture. I read this in one sitting and it was overall an enjoyable read. I’ll try and talk high level and hopefully some of this will be helpful. Your opening was untraditional as far as the zombie movies I have seen. Normally we get that opening of 10 or more pages/minutes where all is fine and dandy before the world... read
+ more reviews