Okay, first things first, well done of writing your screenplay.
Now to business, I didn't care at all for your characters. With
so many dying, it became very important to be invested in the
characters. I think that this was because they were so inconsitent.
Granted, they spent most of the screenplay pretensing to be someone
but it just didn't work for me.
Secondly, I found the dialogue very uncomforable. The trick is to
make it fuctional but casual. Yours seemed to ignore the latter.
I must also point out that the screenplay seemed to spiral out of
control. All the killing and dying felt like a last ditch attempt
at a resolution.
On better news, I liked the concept and was fond of the story. The
latter needs work but the seed is there.
All the best
Review of: Fixed Shadows (r)
reviewed by uLindokuhle on 08/30/2011
Other Reviews by uLindokuhle 6
A review of Hungerby uLindokuhle on 08/27/2011I really enjoyed the screenplay! Every page, I was excited for more. The narative was exactly brand new but that is the case with most of them. I'm not sure if this is a compliment or an insult but I found myself laughing and entertained more by your descriptions than anything else! The tome was excellent. I really felt comfortable with the story, again, being a thriller... read
A review of Lack of Directionby uLindokuhle on 08/14/2011You are a very capable writer. I liked your dailogue and your style. There were some structural problems but here is my biggest issue; you didn't have a story. I felt like you had an idea but you just didn't have a story. Think about good movies, if you breakdown the plot, you discover that there is a songle concept, idea or event that sets the action in motion. Everything... read
A review of Devil's Due (REV)by uLindokuhle on 08/11/2011Firsty, I would like to begin by applauding your talent as a writer. Your choice of words and descriptions are vivid and fresh. I found the writing style amazing but I'm not sure if it was appropriate for this genre. Carrie, a rebellious teenager says "I apologize" to Sonny on page 34. Why wouldn't she just say; "sorry". Its far less formal and for her age group, it sound... read