Other Reviews by uLindokuhle 6

• 
  A promising read.
  A review of Fixed Shadows (r)
  by uLindokuhle on 08/30/2011
  Okay, first things first, well done of writing your screenplay. Now to business, I didn't care at all for your characters. With so many dying, it became very important to be invested in the characters. I think that this was because they were so inconsitent. Granted, they spent most of the screenplay pretensing to be someone but it just didn't work for me. Secondly, I found... Okay, first things first, well done of writing your screenplay.
  
  Now to business, I didn't care at all for your characters. With
  so many dying, it became very important to be invested in the
  characters. I think that this was because they were so inconsitent.
  Granted, they spent most of the screenplay pretensing to be someone
  but it just didn't work for me.
  
  Secondly, I found the dialogue very uncomforable. The trick is to
  make it fuctional but casual. Yours seemed to ignore the latter.
  
  I must also point out that the screenplay seemed to spiral out of
  control. All the killing and dying felt like a last ditch attempt
  at a resolution.
  
  On better news, I liked the concept and was fond of the story. The
  latter needs work but the seed is there.
  
  All the best read
• 
  Lacking Direction
  A review of Lack of Direction
  by uLindokuhle on 08/14/2011
  You are a very capable writer. I liked your dailogue and your style. There were some structural problems but here is my biggest issue; you didn't have a story. I felt like you had an idea but you just didn't have a story. Think about good movies, if you breakdown the plot, you discover that there is a songle concept, idea or event that sets the action in motion. Everything... You are a very capable writer. I liked your dailogue and your style. There were some structural problems but here is my
  biggest issue; you didn't have a story.
  
  I felt like you had an idea but you just didn't have a story. Think about good movies, if you breakdown the plot,
  you discover that there is a songle concept, idea or event that sets the action in motion. Everything that happens beyond
  that pivot point is a result of it. Your screenplay didn't have that. It went know where and the ending was cinfusing. What
  did they get back together? Because she was going back for Danny right? But did her missing the premier ruin their chances?
  And what was the fight about? It couldn't have been because a friend kissed her on the cheek.
  
  Some things can be fixed but, and I'm notr saying this to be vicious, you should consider a major overhaul. You have the
  talent and hopefully you'll understand my issues.
  
  Goodluck! read
• 
  Sonny's Inferno
  A review of Devil's Due (REV)
  by uLindokuhle on 08/11/2011
  Firsty, I would like to begin by applauding your talent as a writer. Your choice of words and descriptions are vivid and fresh. I found the writing style amazing but I'm not sure if it was appropriate for this genre. Carrie, a rebellious teenager says "I apologize" to Sonny on page 34. Why wouldn't she just say; "sorry". Its far less formal and for her age group, it sound... Firsty, I would like to begin by applauding your talent as a writer. Your choice of words and descriptions are vivid and fresh.
  
  I found the writing style amazing but I'm not sure if it was appropriate for this genre. Carrie, a rebellious teenager says
  "I apologize" to Sonny on page 34. Why wouldn't she just say; "sorry". Its far less formal and for her age group,
  it sound far more comfortable. This comes up throughout the screenplay in other characters. The dialogue just feels far too
  rigid and formal and I'd even go as far as saying maniloquent.
  
  The story is good and enjoyable. At first I thought Sonny's evil wasn't credible because all the characters were on thr brink
  of suicide from the beginning and it wouldn't take much to push them over.
  
  I was very confused with Sonny. His dialogue was cool and well thought out, even mature but his actions were childish. Both ate valid
  for a crazy man but together, it just seemsa inconsistent.
  
  I was not very comforrtable with the religious debate between Judith and Sonny but thabkfully it was short. My discomfort wasn't
  about my religious convictions but rather because that debate has been exhausted and no one ever changes their mind afterwards so
  it just feel like its pointless.
  
  I also was not sure where Prissy found the gun and/or how she brought it into a mental institution which must surely be more secure than
  that but maybe I missed it.
  
  Overall, I enjoyed but I would suggest that maybe you consider novels or maybe different genres because you are obviously smart and it just
  seems to be not your style and you were forcing it.
  
  Anyway, goodluck and all the best! read