Mr. Klee's story is a good start to a longer work.
The story seems to be coming from the point of view of a prostitute "superhero".
The dialogue at times seems forced and at times is good in a more modern "hard-boiled" way. Some times the dialogue seems clever and sometimes not so clever.
One other problem is that it almost seems like a feminist manifesto at times rather than a story. I am not saying that prostitution should be legal or that it is not degrading to women but I think we need to be shown rather than have it merely stated. It sounds at times like you (or Jade) are standing on a soapbox. Maybe that is the goal here. I am not sure if the superhero angle is your ultimate goal but I am sure it is a different point of view that may be explored.
Maybe a continuation of the story would show that the prostitutes are either beting killed or enslaved.
I would also do another grammar check.
I hope this has helped.
Review of: A Vanishing Breed
reviewed by email@example.com on 08/07/2009
Other Reviews by firstname.lastname@example.org 37
A review of Dollfaceby email@example.com on 08/28/2009Mr. Wheeler's story is the start to a longer work. The beginning seemed more like it was part of her imagination than the supernatural. I am not sure I see the supernatural there at all. The second part merely hints at the possibility of the supernatural rather than anything concrete. I think the doll needs to be more of a character. Then you will really be going closer to... read
A review of A Dangerous Mindby firstname.lastname@example.org on 08/27/2009Mr. Garry's story is a good start to a longer work. I think that the story could go deeper into the main character's disturbed mind. Maybe include an internal monologue rant in his apartment. I am not sure if there is a chance for "hope" in his mind if he is killing like a machine or puppet especially if he is killing his friends and relatives. If there is a concept of right... read
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