Mr. Klee's story is a good start to a longer work.
The story seems to be coming from the point of view of a prostitute "superhero".
The dialogue at times seems forced and at times is good in a more modern "hard-boiled" way. Some times the dialogue seems clever and sometimes not so clever.
One other problem is that it almost seems like a feminist manifesto at times rather than a story. I am not saying that prostitution should be legal or that it is not degrading to women but I think we need to be shown rather than have it merely stated. It sounds at times like you (or Jade) are standing on a soapbox. Maybe that is the goal here. I am not sure if the superhero angle is your ultimate goal but I am sure it is a different point of view that may be explored.
Maybe a continuation of the story would show that the prostitutes are either beting killed or enslaved.
I would also do another grammar check.
I hope this has helped.
Review of: A Vanishing Breed
reviewed by firstname.lastname@example.org on 08/07/2009
Other Reviews by email@example.com 37
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