Well Steven or should I say Al or should I say to both of you... Congratulations on a humorous story steeped in metafiction! The footnotes are very funny. I never knew J. Edgar Hoover didn't invent the vacuum cleaner. And all this time the picture I have of him hanging on my bedroom wall next to Derwood Kirby was all for nothing. I guess you learn something new every day.
When I saw Mobius strip in the first sentence I said, "Good! Finally a story with nudity! But who is Mobius?"
I am not sure what to say other than it is a very good and funny story. You really need to get your alter ego on the same page though unless you wish to expand it then you and your alter ego must agree to disagree.
This was a very creative exercize in exercizing your creativity. Good job!
I hope this has helped...
Review of: Annotated Edition
reviewed by email@example.com on 07/22/2009
Other Reviews by firstname.lastname@example.org 37
A review of Dollfaceby email@example.com on 08/28/2009Mr. Wheeler's story is the start to a longer work. The beginning seemed more like it was part of her imagination than the supernatural. I am not sure I see the supernatural there at all. The second part merely hints at the possibility of the supernatural rather than anything concrete. I think the doll needs to be more of a character. Then you will really be going closer to... read
A review of A Dangerous Mindby firstname.lastname@example.org on 08/27/2009Mr. Garry's story is a good start to a longer work. I think that the story could go deeper into the main character's disturbed mind. Maybe include an internal monologue rant in his apartment. I am not sure if there is a chance for "hope" in his mind if he is killing like a machine or puppet especially if he is killing his friends and relatives. If there is a concept of right... read
A review of Clickety Clickby email@example.com on 08/27/2009I have no problem with experimental works but this seems more like a filmic, "Burgess-esque" character study than a story. I may be wrong but I got very little "story" from your submission. The writing obviously is unique in approach but there is little use in the way of explaining your little verbal "quirks". There are some punctuation errors and a few other problems from... read