Review of: Demeter and Persephone 

reviewed by dandirtyfool on 10/30/2011
Credited Review
dandirtyfool
A well written story. Credited Review
Demeter and Persephone

The first paragraph was written beautifully. The description of Demeter was very well done. The reader can get a good idea of what this character looks like.

The writing was done quite well however a few character descriptions can add to the story and clarity.
The reader looked for more description of the passengers on the train and the train itself. This will give the reader a sense of the train ride. The Italian couple can use more detail. They have no face.
Persephone becoming queen of the underworld was not clear.
Elpida grew up too fast.
The reader doesn’t understand Elpida growing up but all of a sudden a shift in time. ‘It is the twenties…’ Confusing
In short, it was a good story to read. The reader seeks more drama with in the characters such as making the male interest more colorful. A thief, or a cunning businessman. He is too cool and calm.

Good luck with rewrites. You have a great concept.

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