I like this type of very short stories built around a classic horror theme. I think this story can become more interesting with more work on both characters and atmosphere. I believe that with a more thoughtful choice of words, the amosphere can be made more interesting. The story needn't be much longer but needs reworking. That takes time and many attempts. At this time the story is still rough and obvious. The moment the evil comes could be delivered less obviously. The character of the girl needs work so that the reader can care more for her. At the moment she witnesses the story and allows us to see it through her eyes but we don't get to actually feel for her.
More work needed, but this story will work.
Review of: The Doll (2nd Draft)
reviewed by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 12/09/2011
Other Reviews by **DELETED ACCOUNT** 3429
A review of Baby On Boardby **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 09/30/2014Baby Overboard! This was an interesting tale about a man named Jim, who sat in his Honda, lamenting about how his life turned out. He drank his tequila while watching a young couple, who resembled his past relationship, walk down to the water with a baby in their arms. He began to doze off when he noticed them toss the baby over, or was it a baby? He didn't know. The concept... read
A review of Clicheby **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 09/30/2014(Spoilers) This story started out with a husband waking in the early morn with one thing on his mind... sex. But, his wife wasn't feeling the same happy-go-lucky feeling. She finds toothpaste spread all over the bathroom walls because the husband left the top off and the son went a little crazy with it. He arrives at work, and things aren't much better. He's threatened to... read
A review of The Boy Who Loved a Treeby **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 09/29/2014The story was about a boy, who would take a trip with his family, every-so-often. to his grandparents house. On the way, his dad would take a break at a rest area. There, they would sit at a picnic table under a maple tree. His father told the child of tales about the tree and how long it had been standing, shading people from the hot sun. But, one day they made their stop... read