Other Reviews by Fitzufilms 66

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  Smarter Than You Whipper Snappers
  A review of Smarter Than A Smartphone
  by Fitzufilms on 03/19/2013
  Loved the idea of this story. Who doesn’t enjoy someone getting over on the “system”. The ending was nice, finding out that the narrator was loaded and had complete control. However, getting there was a bit of a stretch. The whole cell phone lock down seemed a little unbelievable and too convenient. Your character description was a little sparse. Even though you described... Loved the idea of this story. Who doesn’t enjoy someone getting over on the “system”. The ending was nice, finding out that the narrator was loaded and had complete control. However, getting there was a bit of a stretch. The whole cell phone lock down seemed a little unbelievable and too convenient. Your character description was a little sparse. Even though you described John Chen physically, I felt if you had described him by showing rather than telling it would have come off better. Drop tidbits about his character while he moves, or speaks. Also, the main character had little description other than his was a “mongrel Anglo-Saxon with dashes of Viking and Welsh thrown in”. I’m a visual kind of guy so I like to “see” the characters. This I guess is a little difficult when using first person but it can be done. Of course this is just my opinion. It may be fine for other readers.
  
  I hope I haven’t given too hard of a time. Congrats on writing an original story and best of luck! read
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  Madonna Review
  A review of Madonna of the Chair
  by Fitzufilms on 06/06/2011
  This is a great short story that I really don't have much to critic. It is very clean and tight, withougt excess wordage or dialogue. I especilly enjoyed the way you slipped in the flashback without interupting the main story. It read relatively fast, which is a good thing. I did feel a little let down at the ending. I was hoping for a smashing of the picture. And it left... This is a great short story that I really don't have much to critic. It is very clean and tight, withougt excess wordage or dialogue. I especilly enjoyed the way you slipped in the flashback without interupting the main story. It read relatively fast, which is a good thing. I did feel a little let down at the ending. I was hoping for a smashing of the picture. And it left me wondering "what happened the next day?" Anyway great story overall. Best of luck. read
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  Jinx Review
  A review of JINX
  by Fitzufilms on 06/04/2011
  If anything you did an excellent job of building a character. But other than that I felt there was no real story here. You tell us a lot about Jinx but we only really experience one real episode in his life. While I realize it’s a short story, I don’t feel that there is any real plot. What does Jinx want? To be challenged? I wasn’t sure as a reader what Jinx wanted or compelled... If anything you did an excellent job of building a character. But other than that I felt there was no real story here. You tell us a lot about Jinx but we only really experience one real episode in his life. While I realize it’s a short story, I don’t feel that there is any real plot. What does Jinx want? To be challenged? I wasn’t sure as a reader what Jinx wanted or compelled to care.
  
  I think it might have come off better if the story had been 3 segments like the smoker segment. Then we could have experienced Jinx's experience more through his eyes. I hope my criticism make sense. They really are meant to help.
  
  Good Luck read