beautiful
I thought that this was written beautifully. I am big on events that happened in history like the holocaust and I really enjoyed the fact that this was about the other individuals that lost their lives not to take away from any one elses struggles but this really touched me.I thought the structure was well thought out and that the story developed and unfolded well, for a moment Ithought he was going to find some way to get out and avoid death, but I thought you did this well in pulling my heart string. I don't have any thing negative to say I would definetly love to see this on screen. I hope you find success with this and any of your other screenplays you've made a fan. I hope to read more in the future. Best wishes and Happy new year.
Other Reviews by alexseaborne
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I at first would like to say that this was very well written and another lesson in history that should never be forgotten, this story in itself is along the lines of tradgedies like rosewood for example, which are good stories and great educational tools but for me its just to sad...
I think that there where a few parts especially when the womens group and the pastor were...
I at first would like to say that this was very well written and another lesson in history that should never be forgotten, this story in itself is along the lines of tradgedies like rosewood for example, which are good stories and great educational tools but for me its just to sad...
I think that there where a few parts especially when the womens group and the pastor were talking that there was to much dialouge I think it would help if a few scenes ended quicker...
I think you did a good job of keeping the suspense about benjamin, but it goes for not, I don't think you should change the actuality of the story or the timed events but give it a little spice...
For example I don't think Ruth doesn't tell anyone authorities that she was raped and after she hears his voice she knows exactly who he is, that's not something the human brain forgets, I think the sherrif covering up for his son is much more likely, and it just adds to the hatred we feel for this man...
Other then that I thought it was a wonderful read, this is definetly something for the classroom you should try A&E or the history channel thank you and good luck to you:)
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Ok, I thought that the idea of this was good, it has the outline to be intriguing and entertaining, the problem for me was that there was a jumbled mess in the middle...
I also was dissapointed in the ending, I don't know if I just missed it but who was the inmate and what was his purpose? It left me feeling like, I just didn't get it...
I think you did really well esthablishing...
Ok, I thought that the idea of this was good, it has the outline to be intriguing and entertaining, the problem for me was that there was a jumbled mess in the middle...
I also was dissapointed in the ending, I don't know if I just missed it but who was the inmate and what was his purpose? It left me feeling like, I just didn't get it...
I think you did really well esthablishing your characters, they were for the most part very intresting, the idea that the whole town is in on this terrible secret was really cool to me, but the fact that the "marshal" ends up in the town, just so happens to be the guy who killed him, alright I guess, it might help if you bring in the other agents earlier just so it's more believable, like they where going to move on but now they're stuck in this rutty town...
I think your strongest moment was when the idea of vodoo and the cursed grave now that was really cool, I think it would seriously help the whole out look of this story if you focused a bit more time to this, vodoo is unknown and freaky so it peeks everyones intrest, I thought you introduced it well but then kind of left it to soon...
I think for the most part its a good start, but I think it would help to go back and re read and re think some of the misses and the hits, definetly re think the ending, it could be so much better if you let the marshal get away only to be caught only to be killed in his cell, just a thought but a good read, I hope this helps.
Peace
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I think you're right in your production notes something is missing. I've thought about it for a couple of days now and I'm at a lost for words the story is good it's new twist on vampires that you usually don't see but the thing that sells vampires is their darkness which you have in here but I think you tried in away to stay away from it but I think you should grab it and...
I think you're right in your production notes something is missing. I've thought about it for a couple of days now and I'm at a lost for words the story is good it's new twist on vampires that you usually don't see but the thing that sells vampires is their darkness which you have in here but I think you tried in away to stay away from it but I think you should grab it and mold it the way you want. Lucians character is great he's so likeable and honorable which is part of the mystique of this, I think there should be a bit more development in the otherside of the vampires who want Lucian to change he should be in a personal tug of war and you just don't get that feeling. I think we love to see people or characters struggle but come out of their struggles better than they entered and I think painting Lucian as that most honorable all the way through stops that progression.
In all I thought the other characters where good and they helped moved the story, As a woman I can totally relate to being obsessed with a man to a point you would risk everything and I enjoyed the realness in that, I enjoyed this a lot I really don't think you should change alot just maybe elaberate more into the bad blood, the otherside of the vampires go into the darkside it's exciting, and I really think it could help your story. I hope this helps but good luck to you.
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