This was an interesting concept that made for a good read. I think the dialog needed work to make it more natural and you might want to think of more ways to make the script more visual and less dialog driven, but the concept itself is solid. I'm not sure that I understand what you were trying to accomplish with the ending on the bus though. Why does Jamal fake his death? What's the significance of that? Also, though I thought it was important to show the impact of the website, I thought it was way too convenient that it directly impacted Jerrod's life. It's just too coincidental. I think it might be more realistic and just as effective for a boy to die because of the website and for them to fell guilt over it. It doesn't have to be a brother for them to feel guilt, and in fact that may make a much stronger statement anyway. That they are responsible for the death of a stranger would and should haunt them. Anyway, overall this was a great and clever idea. The script itself had a few typos here and there and you need to work on your formatting for Montages and Series of Shots, but other than that it was pretty clean. Good job!
Review of: Blackout.com
reviewed by rmahler on 12/19/2008
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