You have an interesting title and a very interesting story, but it was rushed and in need of some detailed planning. The structure needs a lot of work. The story feels too compressed, needs space to flourish and to steal away the reader's imagination. I would like to read this tale again if you can flesh out the story and rework the plot. Describe your protagonist and antagonist in more detail, as well as your settings. Build on the love she feels for her husband.
You can space out the dialogue by giving it its own line rather than compacting it into paragraphs. This would ease the structure and make the story more readable.
Hope this helps.
Review of: Bloodrain
reviewed by jacquesst on 08/19/2008
Other Reviews by jacquesst 41
A review of The Things We Pull From the Wreckageby jacquesst on 07/20/2010I enjoyed your story although it left me feeling somewhat sad. I enjoyed the tension between the protagonist and his wife and how the situation with the injured dog plays on their relationship and emotions. This piece is well written and I loved how you described the action taking place. I would recommend this story to anybody. Congratulations on a great short story. Hope to... read
A review of Body Partsby jacquesst on 08/19/2008Kevin I reckon they should create a new section where the person with the most short story uploads should be mentioned. That or I should get paid just to review your stories...Just kidding! Body Parts was very interesting. It was short and sweet. I would’ve preferred a longer story with more detail and descriptions. There is lots of room in this tale that can make for a better... read
A review of The Blue Ballby jacquesst on 08/15/2008I must firstly say that I always like your stories and that this one was no different. The concept was very interesting and the way the story was told would be very appealable to children. The only problem I came across was the way you wrote it. At times I got confused to the tense and in the end where the perspective shits to first person I kind of lost focus. I would suggest... read