chiller
when I read the description of this, I figured it for a comedy, but upon reading it seems it means to be serious horror? the premise of flash freezing people with liquid nitrogen seems very far-fetched to me, kind of like something out of Batman. the plot seemed pretty predictable, every time someone acted like a jerk you knew they would end up getting frozen. the main character has psychological issues from his childhood, just like pretty much every serial killer story. the villain falls into a vat at the end and a countdown to an explosion ensues, like an old Bond movie. this could be a lot of fun if you added more humor to it and made the overall tone more of a farce. the images of the frozen people are pretty funny. maybe there's a joke about Walt Disney and cryogenics in there somewhere. good luck!
Other Reviews by kevans2121
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having written 2 sports sps myself, I had to check this one out upon learning it made nicholls QF. I really enjoyed it and read it in one sitting. a couple of random notes/thoughts:
typos: your use "your" when you mean "you're" a couple of times. Negro's should be Negroes.
seemed a little hard to believe they couldn't borrow or rent some clubs for the tournament, although...
having written 2 sports sps myself, I had to check this one out upon learning it made nicholls QF. I really enjoyed it and read it in one sitting. a couple of random notes/thoughts:
typos: your use "your" when you mean "you're" a couple of times. Negro's should be Negroes.
seemed a little hard to believe they couldn't borrow or rent some clubs for the tournament, although made great drama to have him play with 3 clubs. you could even take away the putter and have him putt with his driver if you wanted to take it further.
it seemed a bit insensitive to me that Johnny and Pure would stop visiting Jazz in prison. couldn't they at least write?
I kind of wish the Colonel had gotten his comeuppance somehow. I liked the idea of Bucky wanting a rematch at the Amateur while his dad wanted to deal with it the way he did. I had a thought that pure might come back with no thumbs and still triumph, earning Bucky's respect and crushing the Colonel. probably less artistic, but I'm a sucker for sports movies with a trimphant ending - more Hoosiers than Million Dollar Baby. Have you ever seen Gary Sinse's "A Gentleman's Game" or read the book? A lot of similar themes. I only found it because it coincidently had the same title as a script I wrote. Nicholls said it made the next 50 entries after the Quarterfinalists, but maybe that's what they tell all of us bridesmaids! anyway, good luck with this! Disney seems to be doing some inspirational sports movies these days - maybe yours will be next!
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This is a great concept and a lot of fun to read. Very visual. Dialogue was good, but characters could use a little more personality differences to distinguish them from each other, they all seem sort of like the same frat guy. How about an homage to the “Risky Business” dance with the alien sliding on his tentacles, etc. when his parents leave? Too expected? The running...
This is a great concept and a lot of fun to read. Very visual. Dialogue was good, but characters could use a little more personality differences to distinguish them from each other, they all seem sort of like the same frat guy. How about an homage to the “Risky Business” dance with the alien sliding on his tentacles, etc. when his parents leave? Too expected? The running France gag was funny but is highly reminiscent of Coneheads. Wondering why the aliens didn’t get shit-faced on water once they discovered it just comes out of the taps? Seems like a natural plot device, would be fun to see them drunk. Gil seemed a little meek to me. I like him as a nerd in his human form, but wonder if he shouldn’t become a more hideous, formidable alien foe they have to defeat somehow? As is, seems like he’s just done in by his own stupidity. FYI-You use “you’re” when you mean “your” sometimes. I really enjoyed this. Good luck to you!
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This was a very humorous sp with great characters, situations and dialogue, full of very charming quirkiness. The title is great and hooked me from the start. The theme of karma was good, too, and the bit about rubiner being replaced was clever. I liked the recurring motif of the table tennis matches. Dialogue was very witty and sophisticated. Not so sure Hal should have gotten...
This was a very humorous sp with great characters, situations and dialogue, full of very charming quirkiness. The title is great and hooked me from the start. The theme of karma was good, too, and the bit about rubiner being replaced was clever. I liked the recurring motif of the table tennis matches. Dialogue was very witty and sophisticated. Not so sure Hal should have gotten off so easily with his wife, what with being a philanderer and all. Does Hal have a real “all is lost/lowest moment/turning point” moment at end of act II? what exactly is it that inspires him to become a better person? I know he awakens from the dream, but what specifically in the dream or his life motivates him? Overall, not much to critique. Thanks for a very enjoyable, light, fast read. Good luck with this!
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