Frosty is clever, well-written and cute.
I think you have a challenging line to toe: the humor seems like it would appeal most to 12 year olds, because of the slapstick, characters and puns, but then the movie might have to be sanitized a little for their parents. Anyway, it's not my place to worry about target demographics and marketing.
As a script, I think it definitely works. It's enjoyable to read. I loved the narration and the protagonists' sad-sack shtick.
Here are a couple minor nitpicks:
-Isn't "prick" a modern idiom?
-I love the witty repartee with the call girl in the police station. Which is why the bleeped expletives sort of ruin the atmosphere. Bleeping takes us out of the era.
-This is reading a lot like a kids' movie - in which case the hooker may be a no-go.
-Did they have heat packs in "the good old days?
-I'd put Cisco and Carmine at more risk throughout the script. The heat is on in the last act, but I'd try to put them in more danger from the get-go.
Overall, good job!
Review of: Who Iced Frosty V.2
reviewed by Michael Keller on 11/29/2010
Other Reviews by Michael Keller 274
A review of When Irish Guards Are Smilingby Michael Keller on 10/26/2014When Irish Guards are Smiling is an amusing, light-hearted WWII farce with great dialog and likeable characters. I enjoyed it very much. Here are my running notes: -Opening dialog is very exposition-heavy. -Good juxtaposition with the Battle of Britain, Churchill and the two love-birds. -Great atmosphere and time-period details. -It’s a little hard for me to suspend my... read
A review of Artificialby Michael Keller on 10/21/2014Artificial has a lot going for it - an engaging concept, a likeable sad-sack protagonist, intrigue, plot-twists and interesting themes. The story covers a lot of territory, with varying degrees of success. There was so much going on and so many characters, it was sometimes hard to follow, but overall it was well done. Here are some running notes and nitpicks: -Very clear,... read
A review of Running the Asylumby Michael Keller on 07/12/2014Running the Asylum is a professionally rendered, commercially viable action/thriller. It's a quick and entertaining read. I think it could also work as a video game. I have no major issues with it. Here are my running notes and minor nitpicks: -Very evocative opening page, giving us hints about how the guy feels and where he is in his life. -Good tension with the sweating... read