Frosty is clever, well-written and cute.
I think you have a challenging line to toe: the humor seems like it would appeal most to 12 year olds, because of the slapstick, characters and puns, but then the movie might have to be sanitized a little for their parents. Anyway, it's not my place to worry about target demographics and marketing.
As a script, I think it definitely works. It's enjoyable to read. I loved the narration and the protagonists' sad-sack shtick.
Here are a couple minor nitpicks:
-Isn't "prick" a modern idiom?
-I love the witty repartee with the call girl in the police station. Which is why the bleeped expletives sort of ruin the atmosphere. Bleeping takes us out of the era.
-This is reading a lot like a kids' movie - in which case the hooker may be a no-go.
-Did they have heat packs in "the good old days?
-I'd put Cisco and Carmine at more risk throughout the script. The heat is on in the last act, but I'd try to put them in more danger from the get-go.
Overall, good job!
Review of: Who Iced Frosty V.2
reviewed by Michael Keller on 11/29/2010
Other Reviews by Michael Keller 264
A review of Surviving Lifeby Michael Keller on 03/06/2014Hi Steph! I tend to look forward to your scripts because I can expect a certain level of competence and professionalism. This one was no exception. It had a sort of Alexander Payne vibe to it. Here are my running notes: -How does Helen think she can get away with being so overtly rude to foxy at first? Shouldn’t she be subtly snarky, so Foxy doesn’t report back negative... read
A review of KEEPING IT IN THE FAMILYby Michael Keller on 03/01/2014Keeping it in the Family is a fun, over the top, larger than life, classic action movie in the style of an 80's blockbuster. It doesn't feel especially plausible, but that's clearly not the point. The action is brisk and the dialog is serviceable. My main suggestion is to establish Garland earlier and to demonstrate what about his personality and craziness would make him obsess... read
A review of 70's SPORTS RADIOby Michael Keller on 02/08/201470's sports radio is a fun, light comedy with especially endearing characters and a whole lot of heart. The dialog is very witty, with an excellent concentration of jokes and one-liners on every page. The atmosphere seems mostly period-accurate and the pacing is brisk. I normally make more notes while reading a script, but very few problems stood out with this one. My only... read