Review of: Twinkles Rev.1 

reviewed by sibryce on 11/17/2010
Credited Review
sibryce
Compelling but really confusing Credited Review
You do an excellent job of transporting the reader to 1950s Connecticut, and the characters were both real and interesting. However, transitional writing doesn't seem to be your strong suit -- there were a lot of times when you changed scenes extremely abruptly, and I had no idea what was going on. Possibly the worst example of this, is the bit near the end, where the narrator seems to be getting beaten up by a priest one minute, and then the next he's playing piano in a club, safe and sound (or am I the one missing something?).

You should also remember that each new line of dialogue, starts a new paragraph -- you had paragraphs where multiple people were talking, and that's especially confusing when you don't always mention who is speaking.

So the story itself is very good, but these kind of technical problems make it an incredibly hard read.

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