This story reminded me very much of Holden Caulfield in "Catcher In The Rye", and could almost be an excerpt from a follow on. That is, until it takes the unexpected dark turn. I could never imagine Holden doing this, even with all of his adolescent anguish and confusion. Where the hell did that come from? There is absolutely no clues dropped, to tell us that something like this might be coming! I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, just that it was a surprise. Normally we have a few little hints dropped that the character might not be all there. Either that, or take it even more the other way. Make him seem like an absolute saint, and then it will be even more of a surprise. At the moment, he seems kind of neutral until the event.
It's quite telling about the period in which it's set - I'm sure rich boys would routinely get away with moves like this back in the 50's, before people became more open with rape crime. It's almost stereotypical.
I was sad to see how this went, because I really liked the narrator at the beginning and almost felt sorry for him. He seems very naive and unsure of himself. Also, because the girl seemed like such a bitch, I felt very little sympathy for her being violated. Does that make me cold? I disliked her for embarassing him about his erection, but then I remember the age difference - he being 22 and she being 15 - of course she is probably going to laugh at it, what did he expect? I reckon this dude just takes out minors because they're easy to violate. Maybe he does it regularly. Then I felt more sympathetic towards her.
When I think about her parents, I wonder about why you made her father so indifferent towards her actions and almost resentful of him - he's obviously jealous that he's been born into a rich family. if the father resents the boy, wouldn't he be more cautious of him taking out his daughter? I totally understand the mother being cool with it, because she thinks he's the perfect boy, but the father seems like he would be more cautious.
On the technical side, I couldn't see any real issues with spelling, grammar or punctuation. I did spot the Y missing from every on page 3. The tempo is good, and I liked the detailed description. The main character intrigues me, and I would read more about him, given the opportunity.
Thanks for the read! Good luck with your future writing.
Review of: Nice Boy
reviewed by danjama on 07/11/2010
Other Reviews by danjama 23
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A review of Through Wind and Waterby danjama on 06/04/2010First of all, i'm sorry I took so long to read and review this screenplay. It deserved a much more urgent response, but lately, with my girlfriends birthday and looking for work, i've been a bit lazy with my assignments. So here it is. I kept quite detailed notes throughout, so I'll list those after my actual review. One of the main issues with this screenplay was that it... read