I simply love this story. I am a fan of faery tales and this is a wonderful way of weaving it into a modern “story” without losing its tale-like quality. As I love it so much there are only 2 things I can think of to improve it. Your imagery is very strong and there was only one scene that didn’t work for me: in the beginning when Bill strokes his wife’s tummy she hums to herself. Humming to oneself is a weird visual so you might want to revise that phrase for I found myself wondering what you mean because unless otherwise stated a hum is usually for one’s own purpose so I got a little distracted trying to figure out if there was something else to the phrase that I was possibly missing out on.
On page 16 this sentence needs to be tweaked: “He didn't what else to do but to reach back.”
Other than that I look forward to reading more of your work.
Review of: Das Leben Dieb
reviewed by mwiings on 12/11/2011
Other Reviews by mwiings 32
A review of Thy Will Be Doneby mwiings on 02/22/2013When I first started reading this I was a little thrown by the voice and I even pulled out my pen to start making corrections and page one and two suffered however, once I reached page three I "got it" and there isnt a mark after "when?" and I must say I am a fan and it ended too early. This was very well executed and the only correction I feel you should make is on page two... read
A review of The Cascade ( Revised )by mwiings on 02/21/2013This story was brief and had punch. An enjoyable read overall. I did pause on the first sentence over the use of the word “stood” in that context but I believe it makes the scene more “statuesque” and on my second read it fit a lot better and I wasn’t jarred out of the scene. I do think that Foster would have been better served with more description on him as a person and... read
A review of The Angel of Woodward Avenueby mwiings on 12/11/2011This is an interesting take on heaven and its mechanics. I find your characters are well developed and there is good flow of the story. The dialogue between Barromeo and Stockman feels natural and believable. I find it interesting that the messenger has what sounds like some form of vanity to even change his shirt colour near the end. That is definitely very “human” yet I... read