Thank you for sharing your short story. I have a couple notes and suggestions. If any of this rings true, I hope it’s helpful for your next rewrite.
Opening paragraph seems to be a critique of morning radio shows. It summarizes the narrator’s feelings about radio shows.
In the second paragraph we get more detail in talking about Travis T. Hipp. You may want to open with this since the narrator seems to have a relationship with this radio personality.
Page 3 halfway through the second paragraph, “I began to talk back to the Thursday...” this description could be turned into a dialogue between the narrator and the radio personality. The rising conflict between the personality and narrator could work really well. It’s better to show than tell.
When the narrator changes their mind about the “Take 5” rip off song it could’ve led to conflict between Travis and the narrator. The story has a humorous tone and the potential conflict between the narrator and Travis (the narrator’s radio idol) could’ve been funny.
Summary should be used sparingly. It’s always better to show than tell unless you need to advance the plot.
Enjoyed the story and overall tone but felt like it kinda fizzled out in the last two pages.
Review of: To Change the Channel
reviewed by Lanceeliot on 09/11/2011
Other Reviews by Lanceeliot 11
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