Downfall
Although Downfall seems like a good story line, it seems a little copy cat from all those other movies made from 9-11. I have noticed quite a few mistakes throughout the script that needs to be changed. To many to post here but a reread by the writer would do this screenplay a world of good. Using profanity in dialog is accepted but to use it in ACTIONS - such as "ASS" on Pg. 8 should be changed to a more non-profanity word such as butt or bottom. Allot of the ACTION is a little to detailed and could be rewritten. Like they always say, LESS IS MORE. Such as describing the sounds of the watersprinklers. That should be left up to the sounds department when making this script into film. You also included numerous times in ACTION, some questions such as: David looks around fast and is trying to locate the source
of the sound. The sound becomes a bit louder, but is still
just as fast. RAT-A-TAT-A-TAT... is that gunfire? You used the word "CONTINUOUS" in quite a few of the SCENE HEADINGS when it wasn't needed.
This plot would have been better during pre-9-11 time.. Sorry if that sounds a little off key but I feel it would be hard to sell this taking place in a city that has already been attacked by terrorists.
Other Reviews by shadesdown2001
9
-
This script drags on way to long before it grabs the attention of the reader. All and all, it is a good story line but there are to many to mention confusing things happening that caused me to have to go back and re-read pages just to catch up... here are a few of those that I did jot down...
Pg. 1 - Many of the enclosures contain sheep, cows, horses, and "not a few goats."...
This script drags on way to long before it grabs the attention of the reader. All and all, it is a good story line but there are to many to mention confusing things happening that caused me to have to go back and re-read pages just to catch up... here are a few of those that I did jot down...
Pg. 1 - Many of the enclosures contain sheep, cows, horses, and "not a few goats." Why put this in? Its not like the reader was expecting to hear whether there were goats there or not. If there were not goats then we will know without you mentioning it.
Pg. 2 - A man, SEAMUS (26), lifts a pile of empty sacks off a rock
and carries them over to a small pile: some saddles and bridles, bulky burlap sacks, a few sheets of leather. (No
rope.) He has a pleasant face, young, yet weathered. He has a beard, and his blond hair makes him look like a young Viking. - Once again, you added that there was NO ROPE in the pile, as though we were expecting it. You also change from describing SEAMUS to describing his surroundings and then back to describing SEAMUS. The character description should be placed in a paragraph of its own then second paragraph should describe his surroundings.
Pg. 5 - You described Stephen as "A young man" but never gave him an age or at the least an age range?
Pg. 7 - I doubt if they used phrases such as "Fuck me" back in the 1800's?
You have attempted in various places throughout the script trying to take names and other words and make them into contractions, which gets very confusing while trying to read it..Such as > Michael'll, ought'n, Seamus'll.
Pg. 16 - In the same scene, Pauline at one moment is kneading dough, then stops after placing it in the pot near the fire then goes to the spinning wheel, then after a few short conversations with Nora, "She continues kneading bread." - What happened here? She changed actions without being defined.
Once again, I like the plot. The story line is very interesting but it takes a long time into it before I actually understand what is going on. All and all, this script could use a little more touchups as well as some reconsiderations for choices of words.
read
-
The scene changes are very confusing. Right from the beginning, when Helen speaks about a scene then the scene changes to what she just spoke of repetitively causes the reader to lost track.
( HELEN
Exterior. Fire escape of Rose’s
apartment -dusk.
As she does so, the scene appears in black and white film
footage, starring CHARLES AND BETTY CHASE as RICHARD and
ROSE.
EXT...
The scene changes are very confusing. Right from the beginning, when Helen speaks about a scene then the scene changes to what she just spoke of repetitively causes the reader to lost track.
( HELEN
Exterior. Fire escape of Rose’s
apartment -dusk.
As she does so, the scene appears in black and white film
footage, starring CHARLES AND BETTY CHASE as RICHARD and
ROSE.
EXT. AN APARTMENT FIRE ESCAPE - DUSK )
The entire script seemed very bored filled with descriptions. Alot of the descriptions you used were very unnecessary. It caused the script to drag out when it didn't need it. I found numerous places where descriptions could either have been taken out or used as dialog.
(The following should have been described as a montage)
**It suddenly rains newspaper reviews, all saying things like “decent, but not up to Finch’s usual standards”, “a pleasant diversion”, “a solid but minor work from a major author”.**
There were some dialogs that didn't make any sense. It didn't carry into the story line.
**REPORTER
Could you tell our readers your
motivation for giving up the novel
and moving to Hollywood?
ADAM
That’s where writers go to die, isn’t
it?
Laughter from members of the press.**
(I feel that if you are going to add a comical line into a script, it should either reflect on something to do with the plot or the reader should feel it to be comical as well.)
INT. MOONLIGHT DINER - (LATER)
A part of a day should be in the replace of "Later". Is this later that morning? That afternoon? That night? What exactly does "Later" mean in a script scene change?
read
-
Besides that there were a few places in the script that seemed out of place or needless, I really liked this script. It really took on the form as I was reading it as though I was watching a movie and not reading. I liked the Mali character. This entire script took on more than one scenerio. The scene descriptions especially during the fight scenes were excellent. I liked the...
Besides that there were a few places in the script that seemed out of place or needless, I really liked this script. It really took on the form as I was reading it as though I was watching a movie and not reading. I liked the Mali character. This entire script took on more than one scenerio. The scene descriptions especially during the fight scenes were excellent. I liked the comical sides of certain characters. Especially between K.K. and Steele when Steele quoted LL Cool J. It took a rereads to understand that Steele, Chelsea and Mali were brother and sisters. This script kind of took on the role of a familiar movie I had seen before but All in all, I really liked this plot and the fact that a female could overcome numerous obsticles not only in the ring but in her personal life as well. Mali seemed as though she was a tough character to confront but also took on a more softer gentle role as well.
read
+ more reviews
