Review of: Uncovering Julia 

reviewed by rmahler on 12/03/2008
Credited Review
rmahler
Dreamworld Credited Review
There's a lot to like about this script. The core ideas, the overall inventiveness and imagination were all admirable. The Nate/Julia conflict is well handled, but there were two major things that didn't work for me.

1 - Stan's rhyming drove me nuts after about two pages. I feel like his character needs to be toned down a bit.

2 - This is tied very closely to number 1 because I just didn't see Julia ending up with Stan in this story. You've set up a situation where the audience expects Julia to end up with Nate, but you don't deliver that. You either have to make Stan more charming, or you have to have Julia end up with Nate.

Your overall formatting was in the right ball park, so it's really just the Stan aspects of the story and the ending that bothered me.

Also, one last note... it's usually a no-no to list actual songs that you'd want to have in the soundtrack, so you might consider a version that does not contain specific music references.

Good luck.

Other Reviews by rmahler 98

  • A review of Blackout.com
    by rmahler on 12/19/2008
    This was an interesting concept that made for a good read. I think the dialog needed work to make it more natural and you might want to think of more ways to make the script more visual and less dialog driven, but the concept itself is solid. I'm not sure that I understand what you were trying to accomplish with the ending on the bus though. Why does Jamal fake his death?... read
  • by rmahler on 12/13/2008
    Overall, this was a well-wrought script. The goal is clear cut from the start and the obstacles are well constructed for the protagonist to overcome. One minor mistake is that you attribute Ode to Joy to Bach (it's from Beethoven's 9th). I do have a few things that I think need addressing. First of all, I think you set up a very good conflict for Albert, but in a way he... read
  • A review of OLD ROTHBERGHIAN
    by rmahler on 12/04/2008
    I applaud you for your valiant effort to write in what is obviously not your native language. I could not do the same. However, the fact that I could tell that it was not your native language means that it got in the way of my enjoyment of your story. You should seriously consider get a screenplay editor to read and edit your script to make it more proper English. Your... read
+ more reviews