Driven to the edge
Michael & Val's 1st mtg is vague.--he's PATIENT, not Michael? Some sound, music, visual should cue that this is the start of their psychic connection, the turning pt. so we know what FX you're trying to achieve. Is 5-yr-old Misha's creepy French kiss supposed to foreshadow his predatory sexuality? Misha is unsympathetic--he kills a woman with reckless arrogance, complains that it interrupted his b.j., shifts blame to paramedic, ruthlessly takes over Val for sexual pleasure. Val makes no sense. Her relationship with Frank is on the skids but we don't know why. The divided office isn't explained--who has boundary issues? Val? Misha was temporarily attractive early on, because Val found him so. We buy it when she buys it, but why would she accept this intrusion? Why is he her soul mate? Why not resist him? Logical lapses: If Leah's private duty, she wouldn't give Goldman a shot. Maxine/Hugh/Val setup is gratuitous, unconvincing & inconsistent. Some dialog is awkward & expository. Adaptation from novel shows in some dialog that comes out of nowhere. Want to suspend belief but don't buy opening event or final twist. Some good writing w/ some weak plotting. Worth revising for a potentially suspenseful horror flick.
Other Reviews by judylewis
117
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THE 13th CHRISTMAS abounds with vivid action scenes and colorful characters. Orson makes an adventure-filled trip to find the gate to the North Pole. The story seems muddy, with too many characters and destinations. Integrate these elements into the script, so we hear about Twink and Magellan earlier, and they won't seem like afterthoughts. The rich plot is complicated and...
THE 13th CHRISTMAS abounds with vivid action scenes and colorful characters. Orson makes an adventure-filled trip to find the gate to the North Pole. The story seems muddy, with too many characters and destinations. Integrate these elements into the script, so we hear about Twink and Magellan earlier, and they won't seem like afterthoughts. The rich plot is complicated and needs more foreshadowing. Some characters--Twink, Orson and Lego--are original. Others are conventional: the bad dragon and his bumbling sidekicks Pins and Needles. Some, like Magellan the dwarf with the cowboy drawl, seem familiar and patched together. The script is long and bogged down with dialog. The images should speak for themselves. The story begins too slowly, with unnecessary detail. Collapse the backstory and get to the journey ASAP. The father's incantation reiterates the mother's song. Cut one, keep the song, shorten it and hint at its magic power. Have Orson reach Twink faster. If Orson is your protagonist, he should play a more active role. He's always being rescued by others. Why is there a romance between a 13-year-old and an adult woman? With careful editing, attention to structure and dialog, and this could be a good children's script.
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The troubled eponymous main character immediately earns our empathy. The plot twists are somewhat predictable and we can guess that Walt & Rina share culpability from the judge's hints. Some elements are confusing: Why is the judge suspicious? Wouldn't an autopsy reveal the actual cause of the child's death? Morgan is sympathetic, Walt is hateful. Rina's character is a bit...
The troubled eponymous main character immediately earns our empathy. The plot twists are somewhat predictable and we can guess that Walt & Rina share culpability from the judge's hints. Some elements are confusing: Why is the judge suspicious? Wouldn't an autopsy reveal the actual cause of the child's death? Morgan is sympathetic, Walt is hateful. Rina's character is a bit weak--we don't see the transformation from love to indifference. The two sets of childhood flashbacks may be a bit confusing. Having both Walt and Natasha as adversaries may be too much. The relationship with Angela is a bit glossed over for the ending to be satisfying. The shelter scenes work, and the motif of the tree house is done well. However, giving Victor the house doesn't feel right. The scenes with Nicholas are haunting. Chris does make a satisfying journey from tormented father to a man at peace. Email me for a long list of spelling errors (from both versions).
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A fast read with good visuals and characters we care about. The story suffers sometimes from preachy dialog that spells out many of script's themes. The scenes with Gentor in particular, are too on-the-nose. "The trust we have for each other is all we have that stands between us and the darkness outside." Sometimes the action is sufficient (the anarchist scenes are terrific),...
A fast read with good visuals and characters we care about. The story suffers sometimes from preachy dialog that spells out many of script's themes. The scenes with Gentor in particular, are too on-the-nose. "The trust we have for each other is all we have that stands between us and the darkness outside." Sometimes the action is sufficient (the anarchist scenes are terrific), and the dialog could just be cut. Othertimes, substitute more action for exposition. The talk about isolation should be replaced by scenes (or flashbacks) of the isolation and death. Who the main character is is unclear. Magda? Daz? Gentor? There only one girl? Are girls less likely to survive? Sexual competition (or drugs) might explain their extreme behavior. The scow scenes needs a ticking clock. You need to reiterate the point of the scow trip. Subplots go nowhere & don't move the story forward. Richard's affair is noted but not shown. The rich don't change. The chicken coop mayhem and Magda's ultimate solution are good. The space walk is dramatic. Focus on your main characters and subordinate your subplots (Magda & Daz, Fair & Richard). Interweave the subplots with the main plot or cut them. But Magda's dilemma is unresolved. Don't leave us hanging.
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