I am not the typical audience for a western, but this script is just terrific. You had me locked in by page 10. Your first act is built beautifully. The characters are vivid. Dialogue wonderful and the actions scenes just plain sing. I guess that's the sign of a great script. No matter the tastes of the reader, you win them over anyway by creating a compelling tale. You've certainly done that here for me.
What needs work? In my opinion, just one bit of business:
Elizabeth monologue on page 34 and Matthias monologue on 35 - a bit sappy and cliched. Prior to that you had a script where characters said very little but what they did say carried a lot of weight and depth. Furthermore, I didn't take Matthias as the type who would pour his heart out like that. Prior to this, I saw him as Clint Eastwood. After the speech, I saw Clint Howard.
The indian fight at the 60 page turn was great. The little bit of business between Jefferson and his gun is a nice touch. The revelation at page 72 keeps the story chugging ahead.
Overall, I've got nothing but compliments for this. It's a tight script, well written, energetic and colorful. And to think I was dreading the thought of reading a western. Kudos.
Review of: Out of the Badlands (3rd Draft)
reviewed by loque9 on 01/24/2011
Other Reviews by loque9 8
A review of The Leanerby loque9 on 01/24/2011Nice story here. Very comfortable to ease into in a read. Kind of reminds me in tone of something like "Nobody's Fool" with a little bit of "Tin Cup" mixed in. Furthermore, you've got a nice way with some of the dialogue as well. Lots of extra meaning in just a few words spoken at times. That said, I think there are some issues here. These are sometimes the same issues everyone... read
A review of The Carrier (rev.)by loque9 on 01/21/2011Here's the scoop man. A million accolades for completing a screenplay. It's a daunting task to sit there with a blank page and fill it with 90-something pages of story. Unfortunately, you've got a few big no-no's that trip up a lot of first-time screenwriters. 1. Way too many characters introduced in the first act. So many, in fact, that I was overwhelmed and completely confused... read