Review of: The Blue Ball 

reviewed by jacquesst on 08/15/2008
Credited Review
jacquesst
Going blue.... Credited Review
I must firstly say that I always like your stories and that this one was no different. The concept was very interesting and the way the story was told would be very appealable to children. The only problem I came across was the way you wrote it. At times I got confused to the tense and in the end where the perspective shits to first person I kind of lost focus. I would suggest that you clearly define that the story is being told from the beginning. It would help I think. However, I really did enjoy the overall story. Cheers!!

Other Reviews by jacquesst 41

  • by jacquesst on 07/20/2010
    I enjoyed your story although it left me feeling somewhat sad. I enjoyed the tension between the protagonist and his wife and how the situation with the injured dog plays on their relationship and emotions. This piece is well written and I loved how you described the action taking place. I would recommend this story to anybody. Congratulations on a great short story. Hope to... read
  • A review of Body Parts
    by jacquesst on 08/19/2008
    Kevin I reckon they should create a new section where the person with the most short story uploads should be mentioned. That or I should get paid just to review your stories...Just kidding! Body Parts was very interesting. It was short and sweet. I would’ve preferred a longer story with more detail and descriptions. There is lots of room in this tale that can make for a better... read
  • A review of Bloodrain
    by jacquesst on 08/19/2008
    You have an interesting title and a very interesting story, but it was rushed and in need of some detailed planning. The structure needs a lot of work. The story feels too compressed, needs space to flourish and to steal away the reader's imagination. I would like to read this tale again if you can flesh out the story and rework the plot. Describe your protagonist and antagonist... read
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