good but garbled
Can be refined to a recommend. English needs overhaul. Excessive grammar faults: run-on sentences, punctuation errors, subject-verb agreement errors, use of verb tenses other than present. Format errors: capitalize character names only when first mentioned, too much telling---must show, not tell, overuse of voice over. Don't tell director what to do---you write, he directs. Incorrect Italian and translations. Shoot-out at the end too abrupt and unrealistic. Why did they turn on each other? Need to build up reasons, disagreements, former hostilities, grudges, etc. And the added scene after the climax, what was that? Why appended then? If it's part of the plot, it should have been written in earlier. How does that scene propel the plot? If the BUM is his father, the placement of that scene is confusing.
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Other Reviews by Momma Anne 19
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